stressed out about an operation

[SvalbardianPenguin]

DD (12) is having an operation on her hip on Thursday, she's stressed to the eyeballs and is being downright rude and unpleasant alternating with tears and the occasional apology. It's been going on for months now as we've been waiting on an NHS waiting list.
It's all having a knock on impact on DS (17) who is trying to do EPQ work and a part time job and on me who is trying to be the peace keeper between them both and helping DD to cope.
I'm struggling to cope now, months of being the one sorting out all the the pain, the problems it has caused with school, activities as she's had to be a couch potato which has not gone down well and not being able to do things with her friends.
I don't know how to help her, she's having massive anger management issues now and her way of letting off steam was to kick a ball around or go for a run but she can't do either. She's therefore shouting at me, calling me names and generally being unpleasant when she's angry and stressed. She needs to be on medication for the pain but is refusing to take it until the pain is "intense" and won't accept that it is too late, she hates being on medication and I think there is an element of control in her refusal.
I'm at the end of my tether now.

[flutterby77]

You say stressed but she's probably very scared. If this has been building up while she's been waiting on the list then hopefully actually having the op will release some of the tension/anticipation for her. Have you asked her how she feels about having the Op? What's the recovery time afterwards until she does get back to normal activities?

I feel for you, it's very stressful when your usually active child is restricted by injury or other. My daughter is much younger than yours but last year at 3 1/2 she had hip surgery for hip dysplasia and was in a spica body cast for 8 weeks. Her personality totally changed, she was angry and rude and could not be placated whatever we tried. After the cast came off and she started to recover she went back to the lovely little girl she was before. I hope the same thing happens when things get back to normal for you.

[SvalbardianPenguin]

She usually won't talk about it and tells me to shut up or cries.
It'll take up to a year before she can go back to sport or normal childhood activities.
She's had the same personality change as your daughter. I'm glad that things have improved for you and her.
Thank you,

[flutterby77]

That's tough. Would the hospital be able to refer her to a counsellor?

Although it will take a year to get back to normal she might find her mental state changes as she can work towards getting physically fit again, at the moment she just has to wait for the surgery and can't do anything positive to make things better. The physical recovery might be a way for her to mentally recover also.

[SvalbardianPenguin]

Oh that's a great idea, thank you. We've got the pre-op check tomorrow so I will ask.