worried about how to go about speaking to nursery about worries

[chr1ssy0908]

Our daughter is 2 years old. recently there have been a few things to knock her off kilter and make her behaviour change a little.

Firstly myself and hy husband are separated so she has been having to adjust to the new setup after having him around all of the time. Secondly she has just moved up to an older class in her nursery .

Now my concerns.....it took her a while to getting settle within nursery, but we got there eventually - however she has now moved up a class with slightly older children.

She now absolutely hates going to nursery again and absolutely bawls her eyes out and she is very much more clingy at home.

On Tuesday however when taking her to nursery she stated that she didn't want to go....no like man. I wasn't aware but it turns out that the owner/managers husband helps out sometimes within ehe classes.

This had me concerned but I came to the conclusion that I was getting paranoid.

But the same evening I was changing her nappy, and after cleaning her I had a quick examine down there to make sure she wasn't sore as she seems to be feeling sore when she goes to wee.

As I was having a look down there she chirped up with out of the blue, where mummys phone?

The phone was on silent, hadn't made an noises and she does not play with it when getting changed.

This has now caused me a great deal of concern and I really don't know what to do.

The element of doubt has now been put in my mind so no matter what else I do I am removing my daughter from that nursery....as I will always be wondering.

But IS it paranoia? Is it possible to broach this with staff or will they report it to the manager/owner as it is HER husband this involves?

If I decided to make it into a formal meeting addressing my concern WHO should I involve in the meeting?

Im not one of those that jump up and down at men who work in schools, nurseries, crèches etc.....it is nice to have both sexes working and if something untoward is going to happen it is just as likely to happen from a female.

I am just worried. Peoples thoughts and opinions would be appreciated. Like I said, regardless I'm pulling my daughter out, but is it paranoia or do I need to speak to someone?!

[chr1ssy0908]

Just adding to say that she is never alone with any other man....not even the father. Not because I don't trust him, that's not the kind of reason we are separated, but literally due to the fact of his own personal living arrangements since he left made it impossible for him to have our daughter at the house share he is in at the moment!

[Chottie]

OP - I'm just bumping this up for more traffic. Have you thought about reposting in a busy area for more traffic?

My gut feeling would be if you have concerns, you need to follow them up. You are talking about your DD.

[NannyOggsHedgehogs]

What exactly are your concerns? That she's been given a phone to play with while her nappy is changed?

[NerrSnerr]

You need to talk to the nursery about the phone thing, see what it's all about. Our nursery has really open nappy changing areas so that no nursery nurse will be able to do anything inappropriate.

[NerrSnerr]

I know this isn't the point of the thread but I'm also curious why your ex doesn't just take her out for the day if he can't have her at home. It's a strange set up if she's never been alone with her dad.

[Jinglebells99]

I would definitely be talking to the nursery about your concerns. It may be something, it may be nothing. Hopefully they will be able to reassure you as to what safeguards they have in place. You may be jumping to conclusions but I would certainly want to know who was changing her nappy and their phone policy and why she is saying she doesn't like the man.

[outputgap]

Go with your gut and take her out. There is nothing wrong with listening to your children when they tell you that they're unhappy somewhere. (Spoken as someone who took my dd out of one of these ridiculous have-their-name-down-at-birth nurseries after a term and a half. She was so miserable there, but settled quickly and enjoyed and was much happier at a children's centre nursery.)

Mobile phones are a complete no-no in nurseries.

I don't think you'll get much joy from the nursery itself. I'm afraid I don't know who to raise this concern with however.

But do take her out if she's unhappy. I'm so glad I did.

[GloGirl]

Sod paranoia and phone NSPCC for advice

[outputgap]

Hi, I've spoken to someone in the trade, and she recommended going straight to Ofsted who she thought would be concerned by safeguarding issues. She was horrified by your story.

[JeffreySadsacIsUnwell]

I'd call OFsted and take her out in the meantime. I'd also take her to the doctor - quite likely it's a UTI, v common in toddler girls and will help alleviate some worries.

Can you ask your DD "does anyone at nursery have a phone?" "Is it a real phone or a toy one?"

It may be someone is giving her a toy phone to hold whilst they change her nappy, it may be the husband has nothing to do with changing them but simply stands in the garden to ensure ratios if a staff member has to take a child to the loo and another child then falls over and needs cleaning up, etc. could be lots and lots of innocent explanations all adding up to one suspicious situation - but you can't take chances, you need to find out.

[AppleAndBlackberry]

I think I would be asking DD some non-leading questions such as "who changes your nappy at nursery?" and the phone related questions Jeffrey suggested. If you are concerned that anyone may have photographed her inappropriately then it's a police matter, I wouldn't contact the nursery about it at all.

[NannyOggsHedgehogs]

Do NOT ask her questions, there are specific ways to get accurate information from young children and the op is most likely to put ideas in her dd's head that could mislead any later investigation