need some perspective! (long sorry!!)

[gigglegirl]

Hi all,

I am 31 weeks pregnant and need some wise words from you mumsnetters!

This is my 4th child in 5 years and I am truly happy to be having it but I am having such a horrible pregnancy I am really having problems thinking about the birth.

My DD1(horrible pregnancy SPD and TIA - mini stroke) was born after I was induced at 40 weeks exactly, started on Monday at 8am and she was born midnight on Thursday, turns out she was back to back, had failed ventouse and she was eventually pulled out by forceps with the registrar on her knees! Only had gas and air as pain releief to this point. I had an episiotomy and then a 4th degree tear followed by 2 hours of surgery where I couldn't see her or my DH and then a blood transfusion - horrible!

DS1 was an easy pregnancy and an easy homebirth! Had an amazing midwife who made it all seem so natural! (I know it should be sounds funny writing that!) 6 hours from start to finish - made a speech at a breastfeeding conference whilst having contractions every 3 mins and went home and delivered at lunchtime, no pain relief - no stitches and only a tiny tear. A consultant told me to have a section (in fact he said if I was his wife he wouldn't let me try and give birth naturally! bit like a red rag to a bull!!) but I really wanted to have a natural birth as had a 19mth old at home and didn't want the recovery from a section.

DS2 was an ok pregnancy, admitted once for dehyradtion and felt slightly ropey at times but pretty ok really. Went into labour naturally again, gave birth in hospital which was ok but very quick and intense(4 hours start to finish) inexperienced midwife and was left alone for ages but wasn't too bad (no pain relief!)

Now am due with my 4th child and all is horrible! Have had hypermesis gravidum in this pregnancy and was in hospital for 10 days. Still being sick occasionally now, have got piles, stress incontinence and also have just been diagnosed with obstetric cholestasis. This means that the baby needs to be delivered early about 37 weeks. They want to induce me and I am really unsure about it. I had such a bad time with my DD1 that the thought of it is terrfying. Also I have got no pelvic floor to speak of so don't want any trauma. When I mentioned to the registrar that I might want to consider a section instead of being induced he just saisdno you'll be fine and if it doesn't work then we'll do a section after that and left the room. I'm back at hospital on Thursday and want to have a clear idea in my head of what I want so I can put it to them. What do people think - chance the induction at 37 weeks in teh hope that my body will know what it is doing or fight to have an elective section - the recovery from an elective section might be easier than a traumatic induction or emergency section despite having three little ones at home.

Any advice or perspective would be really welcome,

Sorry this is so long!

xxxxxxx

[maggi]

Mine werent the best either. Midwives said I was in labour for 8 hours. But I began on Saturday morning and finally finished on Thursday after they'd been through the alphabet of treatments. Yes it was traumatic. The best part began 5 minutes later when I realised it was over and quickly saw how wonderful my life was going to become.

Just think of all the good stuff to come when baby is here.

[Mimsy2000]

your experiences sound horrific and i think after having 3 children you have every right under the sun to have the delivery you want. you are feeling like crap and are worn down. stick up/scream for what you want - you've been through enough.

good luck.

[Heated]

You'd really think they'd listen to someone with so much experience.

Imo you should really emphasise the incontinence during pg to the consultant since this is a good reason to go-ahead for an elective, esp if you say it's - sorry tmi - fecal.

[claricebean]

Gigglegirl,

Had to reply because I was in a similar position with my 4th DC. My first 3 pregnancies and births were fine. But with my 4th I had thrombosed and stragulated piles by the end. I was in absolute agony...4 times in surgery to get them lanzed. Just grim. Couldn't sit, walk etc. Anyway, despite having never had more pain relief than gas and air and a tens machine, I was seriously considering asking for a section. I just didn't see how I could labour and give birth in the state I was in. In the end, DC4 was late (I think my body was in too much shock to go into labour - all my others had been on time or early), and by the time I went onto labour at 41 weeks, the piles had reduced significantly. It was the best of my four births. Such an amazing experience. And my recovery time was fast.

Anyway, I realise you are in a different situation regarding the induction and section decision. I don't have much advise there. Just wanted to say I remember the agonising toing and froing re the section or no section decision.

Only you can really decide. I guess it also depends how much post birth support you'll have at home.

[Rosylily]

Much sympathy, I've had four and pregnancy wasn't fun. I must admit if I were you I would be contemplating a c section too because I'd be worried that the induction didn't work.
I usually had no pain relief for labour and gas and air the last time but my labours were straight forward. Can you go for an epidural for the induction?

anyway, I don't really have any advice but just remember that it will soon be all over and you can start recovering and you will have a precious little person to show for all your effort.

All the best with it! I hope it all comes easy for you in the end!

[gigglegirl]

thanks everyone it is nice to know I am not just being a moaning minnie!

I think I may write down my list of issues (liver thing, stress incontinence, piles, sleeplessness, puking, fear of induction etc...) and then make them address them all. Now I have been transferred to consultant led care I find it so much harder as you never see the same person twice so you have to tell your whole story again and quite frankly I don't have the energy! Plus they don't know me and know that I don't usually complain and am pretty much always cheerful so it is hard for them to know whether I am exaggerating or not! When I was seeing the registrar two weeks ago I obviously was trying too hard to be nice and cheerful and not make the whole thing a misery as he actually said "I doubt you actually had a 4th degree tear really!" So I am thinking I need to write everything down so that I can be prepared as that left my flabber well and truly gasted! I think I just said well I had two hours of surgery and 4 pints of blood afterwards so I wasn't making it up!

Anyway I will try and get my thoughts about what I want in order before Thursday but at the moment I swing from def a section to def an induction on a regular basis!

[dizzydixies]

giggle i have until Wed to decide re trying a VBAC or c/s and I don't have half of your issues, I don't blame you for being confused and indecisive.

agree completely with pp - what kind of help do you have for after the birth?

I had horrible induction etc etc for dd1 and a 29hr trial of labour before emcs for dd2 which I found harder to recover from BUT friend of mine had an elective c/s 4weeks ago, she was out of hosp in 2 days and driving within the week (probably not recommended but she felt up to it) she really is an advert for a more calm and controlled env that is involved with an elective

would the induction go more smoothly as it is your 4th? do you have a nice consultant to speak to about all your queries and fears

I cannot begin to imagine all the pros and cons involved in both and agree completely you should write a list, do not make them force you to decide before you are happy that everything has been addressed, this is not a decision that needs to be rushed in any way at all - you technically have 6weeks and may feel more strongly one way or the other once you've discussed it in depth

not an easy decision to make and I wish there was some way of knowing what was best

sorry I can't be more help

[IlanaK]

Hi Gigglegirl. I don't have the complications that you have, but I do have experience of falied induction/emergency section and planned electives. The recovery has been much quicker with the planned section than with my first emergency one. The induction really took its toll on me and by the time we got to the section, I was shattered and took ages to recover. I think I was in hospital for about 5 days (though this was 7 years ago when things were a bit different). My elective, I checked myself out of hospital after 2 nights and recovered much quicker.

[TwilightSurfer]

Giggle, if I were in your boat I'd be demanding an elective CSec without question!!

[gigglegirl]

yes i am inclined to agree with what most of you are saying - i would def prefer an elective section that induction and emcs. I have no idea if an induction would be easier as this is my 4th child but the registrars comment of "well we will try and induce you first - you'll be fine and thne if that doesn't work we will try a section after that" doesn't inspire me with confidence!

Support at home is great - Mum and Dad live round the corner, have some AMAZING RL friends and although we run our own business and I also run a playscheme through the summer I know that if I needed to do nothing for weeks then that would be facilitated - TBH the person who makes getting rest the hardest is me if I am really honest with myself I'm not very good at watching things move on without me! Oh and my DD1 who will be 5 in July is DESPERATE to help!

[dizzydixies]

giggle same here, dd1 is also 5 in july and is doing a countdown which is beginning to freak me out lol

I don't have the support though which is the main issue for me, will let you know how I get on with Consultant on Wed to see if I can give you some pointers for your apt on Thurs

[gigglegirl]

dizzy, we have countdown on everything - she is such a little mum but i am so lucky as she is really well behaved. At the moment she is planning the baby (keeping a pregnancy diary - the free pampers one, she's written and drawn all sorts it is sooo cute!) she's planning her and my DS2's birthday party as they are having a joint one, planning presents (all v sensible - no plastic tat! she wants a new bike, a goldfish, tap shoes and a violin). have to admit to suggesting a few of them as she is having violin lessons at school next year so we'd have to get it anyway so Grandad can give her that! From September she'll be doing tap, ballet, violin, swimming and prob rainbows and I have told her that is it! No gymnastics and no horse riding! 4 things is enough for anyone (and certainly our bank balance!).

Am in the middle of sorting birthday party out - going to try and make it easy on me this year but they are never totally without hassle are they!

[LiegeAndLief]

So sorry you've had such a time of it, sounds traumatic! One of the reasons the doctors might want you to be induced rather than have a cs is that babies born by elective cs have a higher risk of breathing difficulties than those born vaginally (or even by emcs, going through labour helps even if it ends in cs), especially before 39 weeks. I don't mean that you shouldn't do it - cs would definitely be in my mind if I was in your position! - but might be worth reading up on the risks of breathing difficulties just so you can add it into your decision making and be informed when talking to docs.

Good luck, hope all goes well!

[gigglegirl]

yes good point - why don't dr.s explain things like that rather than saying things like it'll be fine whilst they are walking out the door to the next patient!

part of my problem is I am too polite! Why don't I make them sit and give me answers - I am so not good at that - an I am a confident intelligent woman but I turn into some kind of nodding, smiling dog when in those consultation rooms!

[LiegeAndLief]

Oh me too, I was in hospital for 4 weeks when pg with my ds and always thought I would be one of those people who questions everything intelligently etc. Actually I just nodded and smiled whenever the doctors came round.

[gigglegirl]

yup that's me. Sitting here tonight I am full of confidence and I WILL make them answer my questions - and maybe this time I will - but history would say X (cue family fortunes noise!)

[dizzydixies]

lists lists lists

[Mimsy2000]

good luck. take charge! you are not a scared and inexperienced first timer - don't let the docs forget that!

squeaky wheel...and all that.....

[mumoftwinz]

I find with the medical prof in general and those in G&O in particular you need to remember that its your body and they are not God! Be forceful in asking for what you want.

[GreenGodess]

Think seriously about what you want - remember a section means weeks of issues lifting, drivingetc and with 3 others to care for might make life even more miserable. But if you want one you should demand one if you feel that strongly about induction don't do it I know plenty of people who have had elective c-sections and you are entitled to the birth you want.

Induction 3-4 days max and you can do lots to prepare before that - see a phsyio for your pelvic floor, maybe try hypno birthing and you don't have to be brave just askfor an epidural early on so not to traumatic.

You have lots of options think calmly through them all make a decision and stick to your guns.

Good Luck x