Childbirth counselling

[horseshoe]

Does any body have any details of a good childbirth counselling service???

My pregnancy went OK until the day itself. 18 hours into the labour and 2 epidurals, 2 shots of pethidine, and various other things to get contractions re-started etc....they worked out that babies back was against mine and I had to have a vontuse. They then took baby away from me straight away to special care unit and I was not allowed out of hospital for 7 days. I think this was all attributable to PND which I suffered after. Even with that I phoned my health vistor and she said she would call back but she never did.

My partner now wants another child and I keep saying yes but deep down I dont feel like I can cope with the fear of labour......I was in so much pain and they made me carry my bags up the stairs to the labour ward and left me alone drugged up in a room until my DH got there which was at least an hour I dont understand how they didn't know the babies position until the end of the labour. Afterwards I was openly told that me and my baby could of died and a lady in the room next to me later told me that she could hear doctors saying how close it was...

Anyway that was 2 years ago now and I just dont know who to talk to. I dont want to get pregnant and hope that all goes well this time as I have little faith in anyone.

My doctor also gave me a smear at my 6 week checkup and as I had over 40 stiches it hurt like hell. Anyway the records have been lost and according to them I have never had a smear so have to have another one...My friend has just told me that for the reason of stiches 6 weeks is too early for a smear.....

Has anyone got any advice???

[suzywong]

so sorry to hear about your unpleasant experiences

The national Birth Crisis Network provide superb telephone counselling, and it doesn't matter how long ago your difficulties were.

I will find the number for you

[suzywong]

have a look here
they are really worth talking to, they helped me out after a nasty em C with ds 2 16 months ago, just gave me back some of my dignity and put things in to perspective

Hope this helps, do come back and let us know

[horseshoe]

Thanks Suzywong.

[suzywong]

no worries, love

give them a call when you have some quiet time to yourself and you feel up to it

[miranda2]

so sorry to hear of your bad experience. For what its worth, I had an awful labour last time too (though not as bad as yours it sounds - but like you they only discovered late after I'd been pushing for 3 hours with no progress that ds was back to back, and then i had emergency forceps with very bad tearing), and wonder if my subsequent PND was down to this. I couldn't face the idea of another for several years, but finally got pg this summer. I then got very depressed - mainly i think the fear of getting PND again. Burst into tears on the midwife at about 12 weeks, she fished to see if i wanted an abortion and referred me to the health visitor who came to see me and reassured me that I could be monitored very closely, and if necessary put on anti-ds a couple of weeks before the due date. I was quite depressed and panicky for the first few months, (due end April), but for hte last couple of months have felt fine. I think it really helped knowing they were taking me seriously and there were options out there. The hv rang last week to see how I was doing, which was nice. So just to say it might well be OK even if you dont' feel it will be, if that makes sense! (And here's hoping my first year goes better this time...)

[shrub]

i too would recommend birth crisis - sheila kitzinger set it up and you can ring them at any time.my dh and i were very anxious about having another baby due to very long traumatic birth and manual removal of placenta that took over an hour and i too could have died and had the danger of hysterecotomy (sp?)due to post partum haemorrage. just over 2 and a half years later, i got pregnant. i kept voicing my worries and found doctors and midwives very dismissive saying its one of those things and it 'probably won't happen again' (??!!) which wasn't enough for me. i did loads of research (lancet online is very good) wrote everything down including the way i was treated at the previous hopital, the counselling i sought afterwards, (they couldn't get my notes from the hospital either) lack of care,possible mismanagement. flashbacks,trouble sleeping and anxiety. eventually i found a midwife that listened. i got an appointment with a consultant and he agreed due to previous traumatic birth i could have a c - section. what a difference! i managed to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy knowing i wasn't going to have to go through the possibility of the same thing happening again. i don't know if that is something you would want to consider - but for me it worked- the postiive experience of the second birth enabled me to put the past behind me and i am now expecting my third!
you do have some rights - don't let this the way the hospital treated you affect your future family, you could possibly look at another hospital and/or health centre. it can be so different!

[horseshoe]

miranda2, Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

It's funny because my reason is telling me that it wont be the same and that I will know what questions to ask and the pain is anything is supposed to be less if they are in the right posistion and so I will know if I cant lay down what the problem is. Like you, I am very worried about the PND situation as I virtually became a recluse and got very scared of going out, it didn't help that my family thought I was more mad than anything and didn't offer help. They say now that they didn't realise but they must of done as I would make them phone me if I was outside which wasn't often.... I still have relapses now as I never got proper help for it. Again reason tells me that i wont let it get that far again before seeking help next time.

Im def gonna phone that number tho' and you have given me hope that it can be OK. I think i will have to change health visitor as lost faith in the other one completely.

Really hope that it does go well for you on the big day

[aloha]

Horseshoe, it sounds awful. Poor you. I think you have some really good advice here.
As for 'having' to have a smear, of course you don't 'have' to. If you didn't get the results of the last one then it might be advisable, though you certainly don't have to go back to your horrible GP -you can go to a family planning or well woman clinic. If you go the results and they were Ok just ignore them.

[horseshoe]

Thanks Shrub, that is def something I would consider. I felt so out of control through the whole experience...I was awfully unprepared as well. My antenatal classes were by means of the discovery health chanel as my borough could only offer classes during the day and i was still in FT employment. I know they have to give you time off but what with blood tests, weekly checkups and scans i felt i had to sacrifice something. This time I wouldn't care I would just go to everything.

[horseshoe]

aloha, Thank you.

Theres a well woman clinic near where I work. I'm gonna give them a call....

[nutball]

As a counsellor myself, and a 1st time mum after a hideous labour/birth experience, I would advise anyone to talk to any professional, midwife, health visitor, GP, post-natal group leader, if they are experiencing anything which they feel is affecting their mental/physical health.

Just remember, that although friends and family may not talk about it, it's likely they too have experienced moments of anxiety and needed to talk to someone about it, so you are not the first and definately not the last person who may need a shoulder to lean on.

From a now recovering PND mum with what I can now see is a gorgeous baby girl.