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Consultant made me feel bad for Elective Section choice

(26 Posts)
ladybuglou Tue 12-Dec-17 17:14:19

Hi everyone

I'm currently 34 weeks. Up until now, I felt really supported in my choice re section. I have ME firstly, but I also had an operation a few years back for very severe chronic anal fissures, where I was throwing up from pain and bathroom was covered in blood. Consultant who saw me after op said I would need C Section due to risk of damage to remaining muscle leaving me incontinent. I have less bowel control since the fissure op, I can hold for maybe 2-3 minutes, but when I need to go I have to go right away or I will have an accident. So the thought of how much worse natural labour could make that scares me, especially since I am only 31, I didn't think I would need to face incontinence at this age.

I told midwife at booking appointment and she referred me to consultant. First appointment I saw registrar and she said they would need to contact Colorectal consultant for input. Second appointment, asked what they had received from colorectal and was told no one had written to them, but they reckoned colorectal would just say it was up to me. So was given section consent form and told to have a think and look at risk etc. I did this, it wasn't a decision I made lightly at all. So today I met my named consultant for first time, and he made me feel really awful for choosing section. I was told people with MS and paralysed from neck down have natural births. He didn't see my concerns really at all, and proceeded to talk to me like a silly kid for a good while. I just listened and let him get on with it. He has booked me in for section, but made me feel so bad about my decision, whereas going into the appointment, I was 100% confident and happy.

Because I felt supported in section choice, I have been planning for that in relation to hospital bag, hypnosis/relaxation etc and now my mental health issues have kind of been triggered by this today and I am full of anxiety.

I guess I kind of needed to vent about this and hoped there were some other mums out there who could understand my choice and my worries?

Lou x

Rockandrollwithit Tue 12-Dec-17 18:38:34

I'm sorry that they weren't more supportive.

I had an elective section for my second due to a traumatic first birth and mental health issues. I'm lucky in that I was never made to feel as you were and that my hospital was very on the ball regarding mental health.

All I can say is try to remain positive. I had a great ELCS and have really positive memories about the birth.

wowbutter Tue 12-Dec-17 18:44:22

People paralysed from the neck down have natural births? Good for fucking them.
This ent about them, it's about you. And you have decided.
I, having an elective section as well, not a decision I took lightly either, but after an emergency section I wasn't willing to risk it.
Please don't feel bad, they have to try and put you off slightly. It costs them a lot. But not as much as having to clean up the mess they made of my emergency section.
Stick to your guns. You are doing what's right for you.

megletthesecond Tue 12-Dec-17 18:44:46

Bollocks to that consultant flowers. He's not the one dealing with a fissure. I've just had my polyp / fissure repaired and no way would I want to do anything to trigger it again. I totally understand where you're coming from.

When you have your section make sure you've got movicol and eat a light, high fibre diet for the first few days. Sections can bung you up a bit.

hereitis Tue 12-Dec-17 18:49:00

I’ve had two elcs. Great choice for me. You need to give not a fig what others say - as a mother you will be on the receiving end of lots of judgement, no matter what choices you make! So practice telling yourself “this is the right choice for me “ and try not to let them get to you.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Tue 12-Dec-17 20:54:39

OP how many babies do you think that male consultant has birthed?

Yeah, that's right.... when he is giving birth he can spout bollocks like that. Till then, he can feck right off.

GeeLondon Tue 12-Dec-17 20:59:04

Ignore . Lucky he didn’t say that to me - I’d have hit him with medical journal stats on rectal issues following natural births. Also isn’t he familiar with the NICE guidelines scope around patient choice .

You made the right choice for you . Don’t let him get to you !

*also how can someone who is paralyzed birth naturally hmm

ClareB83 Tue 12-Dec-17 21:27:59

Some doctors are just knobs.

GiraffesCantDoMentalArithmetic Tue 12-Dec-17 21:32:28

I am having an ELCS because of a previous repair for fecal incontinence. My consultant said I was making a sensible choice as they couldn't guarantee a 2nd successful repair.

I think some doctors have the "standard" speech they give out without regard to the actual circumstances.

HumphreyCobblers Tue 12-Dec-17 21:47:54

It sounds as if he had not taken on board your concerns with having a worsening of the fissures.

I would not take any risks at all if I were you, nor would that consultant if his fecal continence was at risk. What a tosser.

Think of all the medical professionals who told you it WAS necessary and ignore him.

DailyMaileatmyshit Tue 12-Dec-17 22:56:47

What a wanker.

I have post birth incontinence and am awaiting surgery. Have the section and don't feel guilty.

Ohyesiam Tue 12-Dec-17 23:12:00

Your consultant needs to fuck off and then fuck off some more. Your section sounds medically indicated, not elective.
Hope it goes well, soon you will have your lovely baby in your arms, and the twat consultant will be a distant memory.

WhoAteAllthePercyPigs Thu 14-Dec-17 04:46:01

Good lord, what a pride twat he is! A section is the only option for you from the sounds of it, I'm no medical expert but given that natural birth can definitely cause incontinence I'd say it was a no brainer! And as PP pointed out, it's not like he's got direct experience of giving birth is it...

Please try and feel happy and confident in your choice. It is absolutely the right one. And as someone who's had both types of birth, I can honestly say that the one that will deliver you a happy, healthy baby is the only one that counts...

Piewraith Thu 14-Dec-17 12:19:21

What a dick he sounds like. Don't let it worry you, the important thing is that you are getting the medical treatment you want and need. Who cares about his opinion, he can sit there tut tutting all day if he likes. At the end of the day you ll have a healthy baby and your continence, so you are the winner here.

MissUnderwood Thu 14-Dec-17 12:29:05

I wouldn't call your c-section 'elective', rather 'medically necessary'. Elcs is usually based around preference (which I personally feel is unnecessary for a plethora of reasons).

You have excellent grounds for requesting a CS. If the consultant persists and makes you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to ask for a new one.

hereitis Thu 14-Dec-17 12:32:10

I strongly disagree the term elective is just used for surgery that isn't emergency, and where I suppose you could choose not to do it. I'd be horrified if I say i've had elective sections and people just think I meant I fancied it. An elective section is planned and known about in advance (which makes it safer than an emergency one) but can be for all sorts of medical reasons.

ladybuglou Thu 14-Dec-17 13:15:51

Thanks for all the lovely supportive replies, it really helped reassure me and calm me down! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks he's a twat and that my reasons for this section are indeed justified - as if I'm not scared enough about being a first time mum without this guy trying to make me feel bad!

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me <3 x

Louiseandhercubs Thu 14-Dec-17 13:49:29

Please do not feel bad about anything.

All three of my children have been born via csectuon. My first born was breech so she was a elective section. With my second I KNEW she was breech. Nobody would listen to me. The consultant felt my stomach and said baby was head down. I requested a scan and they refused because they were convinced DD was head down. So I put my foot down demanded a section. DD2 was born and guess what? She was breech. She was born the day before she was due....can you imagine what could have happened?

Do what is right for you your baby and your body.

FartnissEverbeans Fri 15-Dec-17 03:39:34

No vagina, no opinion

Consultant can fuck off with his judgement

alltheworld Fri 15-Dec-17 04:00:05

I knew he was a he. Stick to your guns and make clear you will complain if he repeats his behaviour and request another doctor

mommybear1 Fri 15-Dec-17 05:02:08

Please ignore the consultant you have made the right, reasoned and informed choice for you. Remember that the hospitals are all concerned about the pennies and allegedly c sections cost more than natural births - I say allegedly because if you factor in your pre existing health issues should you proceed naturally chances are the nhs would have to fork out a great deal more to deal with any issues that would arise given your health issues etc.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse Fri 15-Dec-17 05:04:24

What an idiot that consultant is. What ridiculous, irrelevant things to say when clearly he hasn't considered your situation. Please ignore him.

I too had to have an ELCS to stop incontinence worsening (issues caused by a forceps delivery though). It is a very difficult decision - going under the knife and taking the risks of major surgery to protect your long-term health. But it was the right decision for me. Ignore the man and repeat the mantra as per pp: this is the right choice for me

Chrisinthemorning Fri 15-Dec-17 05:05:38

Just do what you know is right for you.
There are 2 things at work here- one is NHS cost cutting and targets.
The other is that now the consent process is so rigorous that we risk scaring patients. They don’t tell you as much about the risks of vb as that’s the default- but those risks could be higher for you.

SofiaAmes Fri 15-Dec-17 05:06:14

I had an emergency cs and a vbac. If I could do it all over again I would have had elective cs' with both. And I just have an old body, no anal fissures etc. Your mental health is extremely important and greatly outweighs the small benefits of natural birth over cs. I am so sick of snotty doctors talking down to their patients. So so sorry you were treated this way.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse Fri 15-Dec-17 05:15:29

Yes chris my personal risk of permanent incontinence after a best-case scenario vaginal delivery was 1 in 4. The consultant only told me that after we agreed on a "maternal request" ELCS.

It's hard to make the right choice when the information we are given is so biased angry

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