crazy possessed behaviour during delivery

[LimesMum]

Hi all

Looking for some reassurance that in not a complete crazy person

Just had DD2 but she came really quickly...

I had a bad birthing experience with DD1 and made up my mind to have an epidural this time round

I really wasn't coping with the contractions which were long and hideously bad and almost constant (her head was very low)

Whilst waiting for the anaesthetist to come and site the epidural I was suddenly ready to push and fully dilated

Midwife very forcefully broke my waters followed by thick meconium and staff panicked

I then panicked and feel like I was taken over by the devil

They would not let me have the gas and air and pushing was excruciatingly painful

I swore uncontrollably and started to kick and thrash about apparently endangering the baby. I just couldn't keep my legs apart and they kept clamping together as her head was out

I think I kicked some staff unintentionally and I really dug my nails into poor DH

Eventually I pushed her out with a lot of help and ventouse but feel so mortified over my behaviour and carry on!!

I was really apologetic after and they all said not to worry but can't help getting the impression that maybe I'm the worst patient they had ever had

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?! if so please share as I can't stop thinking about it

[ICJump]

That sounds really full on and quite distressing. I have no control over my body during pushing. I swore at the
Midwife during my first and twisted and turned during number two but was lucky to be in water.
I wanted to share that to say it's ok to be out of control during birth
If your feel overwhelmed by what happened it's worth talking to someone. To help you feel ok.

[SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys]

OP that sounds so traumatic. You've nothing to feel bad about. You were vulnerable and in pain and the labour you had planned didn't happen. Please don't be hard on yourself tainting this special time with your DD. I agree with IC you may want to consider some support to help you work through how you're feeling about this to avoid this becoming z bigger issue. Congratulations

[PitilessYank]

I swore and screamed copiously during my labor with my first child-it even surprised me! I was so loud that a bunch of the nurses on the unit came to watch me deliver!

I also apologized (in between curse-loaded contractions afterwards) and I have turned it into a funny story, rather then feeling badly about it.

I think the fact that you had a tough experience is the relevant issue-perhaps you are turning feeling of fear/trauma into feelings of guilt?

You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel badly about.

[PitilessYank]

In between curse-loaded contractions AND afterwards, that is...

[JeNeRegretteRien]

I have a friend who's a midwife, and the only "bad" patients she ever talks about are the ones who deliberately and consciously don't respect the medical professionals. For example, she's been shouted at by fathers-to-be who don't like the look of what she's doing when she's in the process of saving their baby's life.

What happens when you're in serious pain in the middle of labour is completely different. You did the best you could and nobody is going to judge you if it wasn't quite the right thing.

[annandale]

Childbirth is extreme, for me certainly the most extreme thing I have ever been involved in. I can't really say 'have done' because I never felt I did anything, I was just taken over by something that actually felt like an external force - e.g. no breaks between contractions, I had 'linking pains' so really barely caught my breath. I think this is one of the reasons it is so disturbing to think about. I was so frightened and miserable throughout.

I've talked to women who have had fast births and slower births (not really slow ones) and they have said to me that the fast births were harder to deal with. I found that a bit comforting as mine was pretty fast and I felt pathetic. Hope you feel better about it soon, a few years on and I feel quite calm about the whole thing.

[LimesMum]

Thanks ladies - doesn't sound like anyone went quite as crazy as I did but thanks for trying to reassure me x

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

OP, if you'd seen me during labour you wouldn't be worried. I kicked, screamed, fell off the bed, thrashed about so much I ripped an IV out of my hand (was moments away from the epidural when they looked and I was 10cm so didn't get it) and eventually had to be put in stirrups as I was out of control. I really couldn't help it though, it was like I had no control over my actions. I ended up having the ventouse as well, which didn't work so they had to pull him out with their hands as I was so hysterical I wasn't breathing properly and the baby wasn't getting enough oxygen. Mine was a quick birth, 3 hours total and 4 minutes of pushing.

Was I embarrassed the next day? Of course, but the midwives were lovely and we even had a laugh about it.

[LimesMum]

OMG - that is EXACTLY what happened to me!! Minus the fall off the bed but that also very very nearly happened too but DH shoved me back on!!

I was also waiting for the epidural then suddenly 10 cms!!

Like you say I feel like I had no control and wasn't doing any of it on purpose - think I even said sorry during all of it!!

Phew I do feel better now thanks so much!!

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

Glad to be of service

[Greyhorses]

I also felt really embarrassed afterwards! I had a super fast birth and got refused an epidural as I was 10cms.

Pushing was horrific and I screamed and screamed. I also had to have my legs pulled apart, cried and begged the midwife to help me more than once

I did laugh about it with the midwife later

[LimesMum]

Thanks all! X

[Lj8893]

I'm a student midwife and have seen all sorts of behaviour, I wouldn't worry about it, they won't be judging you at all.

pitless I'm shocked that nurses from another ward would be allowed to come and watch your delivery?! That's awful!

[sarahnova69]

I think it's very common for women to go all kinds of 'weird' and primal during the transition phase and pushing, honest. I doubt yours will be the most extreme thing the midwives have seen this month, much less ever, and they most certainly won't hold it against you.

[PitilessYank]

LJ-they were RNs from the same ward, some of whom had attended to me on a previous shift and were now working with another patient, some of whom had covered my nurse on break. It was at a teaching hospital, if that makes a difference, and I had told the attending that I didn't mind having students, etc, in the room. That's how they learn!

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Congratulations on your new baby.
I also had a very quick labour with my second and the speed of everything progressing so quickly made me feel out of control and quite terrified if I'm honest. The pain was indescribably bad, very quickly and I think my body sort of went into shock. The midwife said afterwards that the body produces huge amounts of adrenaline as a reaction which can explain your 'fight or flight' response.

[Lj8893]

Are you not in the UK then? Nurses don't usually tend to pregnant women in the Uk, that's why I was shocked. I'm a student midwife myself, Thankyou for being lovely about students having to learn

[PitilessYank]

Thank you, LJ. Yes, I am in the US. We also have midwives in some areas (they are great, very in-demand and hard to get), but even with midwife care, much of the moment-to-moment care during labor is provided by nurses.

Best of luck with the rest of your training. I have a great friend here who trained as a midwife in the UK and she showed me her clinical record book-it was really impressive the in-depth training she had.

[Luckystar1]

I made the most animalistic noises during labour with DS. I'd never made them before or since, but with each push, there was some weird primal thing took over. I apologised between pushes but OP please don't worry.

Enjoy your new DD and if you think it necessary in a few months maybe consider a debrief.

Congratulations!

[NaffOffMartha]

As others have said, midwives are used to this and know that it often goes with the territory.

I doubt they are in the least bit worried about you being difficult, but they might well be concerned that you are worrying about it.

One of my friends (who is not white FWIW) told me about a horrible racist comment she made about another non-white person, a doctor, while giving birth. She was mortified later but he just laughed it off, he genuinely seemed to find it funny. We are really on another plane when giving birth. 💐 to you and enjoy your lovely new baby. I agree that a debrief might be an idea if you're still upset down the line. You've had a traumatic experience.

[LimesMum]

Thanks again for yet more reassurances

[carebear841]

No experience of this myself as pregnant with first dc, but I watched a one born today where the lady was screaming and thrashing throughout her labour. She said afterwards it was her way of dealing with the pain and she'd do it again, it helped her through. Mw was super lovely and just said when lady was in agony she wishes there was more you could do- lady was getting prepped for epidural. It's series 2, episode 1 btw!!!

[LimesMum]

Thanks!! I will have to watch that and compare ha ha!!!!

[LimesMum]

Carebear I can't find this episode! Where did you see it??

[manateeandcake]

OP, you have been through a traumatic experience and have done something absolutely heroic. Sounds like the medical team did their jobs, you did yours in the best way you knew how, and the outcome was the greatest achievement possible for a human.

I didn't have a very similar experience, but I did feel traumatised and even ashamed after what was really a pretty textbook birth (DC2). I laboured in the water, then had to get out and push him out in a bit of a hurry as his heart rate was dropping. But afterwards, the midwife discovered I had a small second degree tear and needed to be stitched. As I hadn't had an epidural, I just had a local anaesthetic, but I could still feel what was going on. Even though it was objectively less painful than labour and birth, something about knowing what was happening plus just wanting to be left alone with DH and DS made it 100 times worse and I went from superhero to superwimp! I was begging the mw to stop. 9 months on, it still bothers me. But imagine how a man would react if he had to have his bits stitched under a local!