Please no flaming or shouting down as I'm finding this difficult enough as it is, I know these topics are controversial.
I'm looking for some advice on how to tackle this. I'm currently 23 weeks with DC1 and I really strongly feel now (after a LOT of thinking since being pooh-poohed at 9 week appointment with prevous baby [MC] when I brought it up first) that I would like to try to pursue an ELCS.
There are a LOT of reasons I want this, and I'm definitely not ''too posh'' or mistakenly thinking it'll be an easy option in any way shape or form. But... for me and for the baby I think it'd be for the best.
Historical abuse brings up many issues and fears (these are currently being dealt with by CBT, but wont be magically fixed any time soon) the main one of these is being left with trauma injuries, particularly any relating to incontinence. I have a weird sort of phobia around continence, and basically have to plan my entire life around how quickly I'd be able to get to a toilet if I fell ill (very miserable!). It's totally understandable when you look at the causes (abusive mother- lots of shaming when I was little, making me show myself to people, infecting me with illnesses on purpose then shutting me somewhere with no access to sanitation/cutting off comforts like privacy, access to toilet, or a bed etc). I get an upset tummy/diarrhoea literally every time I have to leave the house because I get so worried about it. If I ended up incontinent (over 50% of VBs have urinary incontinence and up to 25% faecal incontinence for 6 months or longer) it'd completely ruin my life, I find it hard enough as it is being ''normal'' with just the psychological causes never mind physical ones.
My mum had long labours and EMCS/baby in NICU due to distress; my sister was induced with a 36+ hr labour, baby got stuck and was consequently left brain damaged, she almost died from blood loss and suffers from PTSD and double incontinence now which has totally destroyed her life; my other sister also had 30hr+ labour, bad tearing, PND and incontinence.
I have HSV1 (herpes virus, not the STD one, but it manifests literally all over my body, the virus was originally caught in a few years ago through dermatitis cuts on my hands when working with disadvantaged children ). Outbreaks tend to happen when I'm very stressed, and if I had one near due-date I'd have to have an EMCS anyway as it can be fatal if passed on to the baby.
I'd psyched myself up over the past 23 weeks towards a home birth to minimise intervention and so I can feel more relaxed, safe and secure, but all the women in my family have gone beyond 42 weeks (the cut off for home birth and mid-wife led unit) and I know that if I didn't ask for an ELCS now it'd be too late then and I'd be coerced into induction or risk harming the baby. I really have given it a chance, but I just feel like I'm fooling myself that it's even a good idea, given the reasons above.
I've also found out at my 20 week scan that I have an anterior placenta so my chances of a long labour and baby getting stuck due to being back to back are slightly higher still.
I'm really really scared of asking about it though, I find all the reasons listed above quite personal and intimate and I've been put off asking since I brought it up before. When I asked at my 9 week appointment, I merely said ''can we discuss electives as I....'' to be cut off with ''oh no, you don't want THAT, babies are unpredictable, that's just how it is''. I'm the sort of wallflower who will smile and say 'oh ho ho silly me! You're right'' then cry as soon as I've left the room.
Any practical advice on how to word this next time to the midwife? (or should I go to the GP?) Should I tell them everything? Would it even be enough or will I just be talked over again?
Please, please, no flaming. It's taken a lot of courage to work myself up to writing this down as the whole topic makes me want to cry.
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Please no flaming - how to word this to midwife.
39 replies
kiwifluff25 · 11/04/2016 14:59
OP posts:
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