Mum at birth?

[PGWomble]

Hi everyone,

I have begun to think about my birthing plan. My hospital allows me to have two people with me and I have been wondering about asking my Mum to be there. Or should I just leave it as DH and me? My thinking is that my Mum will be very practical and, if labour is long, be able to give DH a break to go and get a coffee, some fresh air etc.

Any experiences very welcome. Thanks!

[kahlua4me]

Had my Mum and dh with me. Dh rang mum to ask her to join us, think it helped him having her there. And, as you say, he could go for a break without leaving me alone. Mum was with us right until they whisked me off for emergency cs as only allowed dh in theatre.
She was so helpful and practical,so it really was a benefit to us.

[DoulaKate]

Depending on your relationship with your Mum, I'd thoroughly recommend having her there with you. Like you say, as well as being able to comfort you and help you through the birth, she may well be a good support for you DH as well.

[NeedToSleepZZZ]

If you have a good relationship then I think it's a great idea. As you say, she'll be able to give DH a break and you'll have the support of someone else that's going to have your best interests at heart and has been through it before. My mum is going to be with me when I give birth (as well as OH) and she's already being really supportive and not intrusive or demanding at all. She's reading about how things have changed since she last gave birth (over 30 years ago) and is genuinely excited about it. I know it sounds strange but I feel calmer knowing she'll be there.

Good luck

[BakewellTarts]

My mum was at the birth of both of my DDs...wouldn't want to have done it without her.

[lurcherlover]

I hadn't planned to have my mum there but she turned up with sandwiches in the evening when we'd been there a few hours, and ended up staying through until DS was born just after 3am. I was so glad she was there - in the end my labour was quite complicated and I was glad to have her there as well as DH. It was traumatic for him too and he was glad my Mum was there for additional support. And now I think she has a special bond with DS after seeing him come into the world, which is lovely. If you have a good relationship with your Mum I'd really recommend it.

[Hawkmoth]

Was single parent with DD, had mum there, who was wonderful (think I almost broke her hand, and it was fairly traumatic).

Second had DH and mum (HB, so 2 MWs and three paramedics stood outside the room no doubt discussing how rude I was for telling them to "Fuck off" six minutes before I gave birth).

My mum was great, and has never mentioned the poo, seeing me naked, or giving me a bath after the first one! I expect it's scarred her for life.

[Tysonandthehouseelves86]

I had my mum at the birth of ds, i am very close to her and she was very helpful throughout, but things went wrong and whenever i talk about it 2 years on she still bursts out crying, for that reason she wasnt there at dd birth 8 weeks ago as i cant stand to see her so upset.

[Ladylou83]

I had my mum and DH at the birth of DD. She was fantastic the whole way through. DH didnt want to come to antinatel classes so she came with me to those too. I wouldnt hesitate at having her there if/when there is a second DC.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I had my mum at the birth of my DS. She was brilliant. Much more useful than ExH. Plus I felt comfortable and confident that someone who had been through this before and really loved me and knew me was there for me, fighting my corner when the hospital staff were suggesting sleeping tablets and waiting until the morning .

[Magic8ballhastheanswers]

My mum has been there for mine and I was glad she was there for both me and DH as I have always had high risk labours. Am due to have twins (so even more high risk!) in Feb and I can only have one birthing partner but she is still coming!

[4andnotout]

I had my mum with me for all four labours, with dd1 she was my only birth partner and she was fantastic. She knew instinctively want I needed her to do and she knew exactly how I felt whereas dp thi is stubbing a toe is far worse it really brought is closer together and if I have another dc I would ask mum to be with me again.

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

I had my Mum and DH at all three births. DH appreciated having someone there, and I needed her to be there (definitely for the first anyway, I was very nervous)

DH has a tendency to be nice, whereas my Mum was quite happy to 'bully' me if I needed it She actually cut the cords with DS1 and then DS2 as DH couldn't face doing it (wuss! But he did do DDs in the end)

[rodformyownback]

Having my mum there wasn't an option for me as we just don't have the right relationship . But I would definitely recommend a second birth partner, all the better if it's someone who has been through birth herself!

My sister was supposed to be with us for DS1 but wasn't able to in the end (she lived 4 hours away and it was new year's eve). DH's sister stepped in and she was an absolute rock. I think it was really invaluable for DH having her there to help and it meant they could both get some rest, food etc and go out to phone family without leaving me on my own! Only DH was there at the birth though as it was an EMCS.

Four months ago I was my sister's birth partner along with her DP and they found it useful having someone there to ask questions about everything that was happening (long labour with lots of interventions). I found the whole thing a bit traumatic though! Probably better to get your mum to be there than your pregnant sister!

How lovely that there are no posters saying "I had my mum along and it was a nightmare" (not when I started typing anyway!) Might be different if you'd asked if you should get your MIL along! I would just talk it over with your DH to make sure he's comfortable with it, and make sure he understands that he will benefit too!

Hope all goes well

[mubm]

I can recommend it too. I actually had my MIL there as I live in the UK and my mom lives in America. I thought my mil would be good support for both me and dh, and if necessary would be a good advocate for me with the midwives (perhaps more so than dh as he'd never had a baby before and I thought he might have felt more pressured to go along with the midwives). Also I didn't know how I was going to be in childbirth or how he would react to seeing me in a lot of pain.

As it turned out the midwives were lovely, dh was a star birth partner, and mil left the room when I was examined several hours into estblished labour. I didn't ask her to come back in after that as the extra chatter was a bit distracting. She said ahead of time that she was happy to go if I didn't want her there the whole time, so I didn't feel I had to worry about her feelings. She was close enough to hear ds cry after he was born and saw him very soon after, so I think she still felt involved. As long as you can talk openly with your mum about what you want and she is happy to be flexible, I can't see a problem with having her there.

[happycamel]

I'm having my mum and DH there. It's my first so can't say how well this will go but its really reassuring reading all your messages.

Mum was a MW for 15 years then a HV for 15 years (and sadly had one stillbirth and one neonate of her own) so I know she'll be brilliant and has seen it all.

I love DH to bits but he always flakes out if something important is happening. He made a mess of proposing to me, forgot to hand out the gifts at our wedding then hid in another room getting pissed on port because he was embarrassed (and there are many more examples including spending an hour last Christmas Day crying in front of my whole family because he forgot to buy me a card). I dread to think what'll happen when DC is born - he has the best intentions but I know my Mum being there will reduce the impact of whatever blunder he makes this time!

[MrsCratchit]

Thanks ladies. Really lovely to hear so many positive experiences!

(PGWomble- name change for Christmas!)