Advice please. Helping a child with trauma in the early years

[3littlebadgers]

Is there anyone who can advise how best to help a 3 yr old with extream behavioural problems due to an abusive upbringing. I can't say anything specific about her past or her current behaviour as I don't want her identifiable. I am desperate to help her but I just feel too out of my depth.

If there is a book or something someone can point me to or if someone is willing to private message me I would be so grateful.

[Lwmommy]

Do you have care of the child?

If not how much access would you have to them to offer help?

Initially it will be about building trust and showing consistency. Demonstrating every day through your actions that you love and care for them, that you will be there and will be open and honest for any conversatuon, that you will correct their behaviour consistently when needed but that it will be done fairly, without abuse and that on th e flip side you wil praise their positive behaviours.

[merlotmummy14]

If it's an adopted child, social work could point you in the right direction for support services or counselling. Childline also has a parentline for offering advice and information.

[MagicKeysToAsda]

I cannot figure out how to PM you on the ap. Will keep trying but in the meantime:

• look at Therapeutic Parenting group on Facebook, free, and lots of advice available
• the adoption board on here will also be able to advise, as many adopted children experienced trauma
• Sarah Naish "Therapeutic Parenting in a nutshell"
• Caro Archer "Parenting the child who hurts" (two versions of this book depending on child's age)

[3littlebadgers]

Thank you. I teach her 3 hours a day. Behaviour very destructive in ally years teaching I've never experienced such distress it is breaking my heart. Child only just been put into care, she has a new GP, new to us, apart from my normal teacher practices of helping behavioural problems there is nothing else in place by anyone.

But as I say I'm completely out oft depth and feel like I'm failing her and therefore also the other children in my care.

[3littlebadgers]

Sorry for my typos I'm trying to make dinner for my own children.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Read ‘Building the Bonds of Attachment’, anything by Margot Sunderland, ‘Dibs in Search of Self’.
You can make a real difference in 3 hours a day. But you can’t do it all.

[parrotonmyshoulder]

You might find you really reassess your usual response to behaviour if you read that material.

[3littlebadgers]

Thanks I'll see if i can order them now.

[MagicKeysToAsda]

If you teach her, then check out Louise Bomber "Inside I'm hurting" for educational resources/guidance for children who've experienced neglect and trauma. You have the opportunity to make a real difference here.

My biggest tip is that the child's likely to have a hugely over-developed sense of shame - anything that triggers the shame will lead to overwhelming emotions, and they almost certainly won't be able to self-regulate those feelings. So where you might use time out with another child, with this child that will trigger feelings of shame and fear of rejection so will tend to escalate the behaviour. Try "time in" where you bring the child closer to you, and have the thinking time gently together instead. Also assume emotionally they'll be operating a LOT younger than their bio age, so adjust for that. Rocking can be good (a teeterpopper is fab if you can afford it).

I hope things work out for the best for her and for you.

[3littlebadgers]

parrot is it the Daniel A. Hughes one?

[3littlebadgers]

Books are ordered and coming tomorrow and I'm going to ask the SENCO if we have/ can order the teeter popper. A brief look at the synopsis of the books and magic's advice and I've been getting it all wrong for her.
If she is showing aggression to others how do I bring her closer to avoid the shame whilst keeping everyone safe? magic I've sent you a pmfji the hopes you'll manage to see it.

[3littlebadgers]

PM in the hopes, it was meant to say!

[parrotonmyshoulder]

Yes. And I second Louise Bomber too.
Take care with tone of voice, and I agree with no to time outs too. I have never found reward charts or other incentives useful with these children either. Google PACE (playful, accepting, curious, empathic) which is the ideal way to approach teaching of traumatised children.

[StacksOfBoxes]

Yes, the Louise Bomber book is really good. Bless you for wanting to make a difference.

[MagicKeysToAsda]

have replied