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Child mental health

Please help: 6 year old just had first panic attack

20 replies

Whatsthispain · 13/08/2018 21:41

It was awful. He has fears about choking and dying. We have family members who are dead and it terrifies him. When he eats he used to put the whole meal in his mouth in one go, so we used to say, you'll choke if you eat like that, eat one mouthful at a time etc. It seems that he has really internalised this. Increasingly he is panicking when eating and spitting his food out as he feels he can't swallow it. He feels that his throat has closed.

Ive just watched him convinced that he cant swallow and his throat is closing up. I talked him through it and told him it was the worry making him feel this way and that it wasn't real. I explained that the cure was to relax and tell the bad thoughts to go away. We watched some kids meditation videos on YouTube which he really liked. He asked if it was like having 2 voices in your head having a war and telling the baddie to be quiet. I think he really got it. The video sent him to sleep. But what now?? My instinct is to book him a counselling session. Would this be the right thing to do? He's a very bright boy, popular and doing well at school. He's a real thinker and worrier though. Please help!

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Clairetree1 · 13/08/2018 21:45

tell the bad thoughts to go away

he shouldn't be taught to tell bad thoughts to go away, that just focuses on them, and gives them prominence.

Clairetree1 · 13/08/2018 21:47

don't make a thing of it, you are turning it into something, when maybe it needn't be.

just carry on as normal, with the expectation that he will eat as normal, no extra attention, nothing, and see what happens

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2018 21:50

I think you need to back off completely. He won’t let himself starve. He spits food out again - he won’t die of that. Just ignore his eating and carry on as normal instead of giving it power it doesn’t have. His throat isn’t closing up: you’re causing the panicky feeling.
Dish food up and then let him get on with it instead of reinforcing the behaviour. Don’t even look at him.

Clairetree1 · 13/08/2018 21:53

exactly - @cherrypavlova said it so much better than I did

Whatsthispain · 13/08/2018 21:59

It's the first time it's happened so I haven't put any thoughts in his head up until now. Ive been ignoring it but have noticed him leaving food after a bite and spitting his food out. We've had to talk to him about eating properly as he literally has big hamster cheeks with his whole meal in there.

What do I do if it happens again: the saying he can't swallow and panicking and clutching his throat?

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Whatsthispain · 13/08/2018 22:02

I know that adults are told to silence the negative thoughts and focus on postitvity and breathing.

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Whatsthispain · 13/08/2018 22:04

He was screaming saying I don't want to choke and die, mummy. Obviously I cant ignore that.

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RomanyRoots · 13/08/2018 22:06

Did the family members die of choking?
He must have got this as an idea from somewhere. You didn't tell him he'd die from choking, it seems strange for him to think in this way.
At 6 he is old enough to reason with, so pick a quiet time and speak to him about it.
Tell him he isn't going to die, explain some of the ways you can die, choking is of course one of the ways, but very rare.

Clairetree1 · 13/08/2018 22:07

I know that adults are told to silence the negative thoughts and focus on postitvity and breathing.

no, I don't think so, not best practice s far as I know.

If you expend mental time and energy on "silencing" negative thoughts you are just telling yourself that they need time and energy, and concentrating on them, and being aware of them, and that just increases them

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 13/08/2018 22:08

I have had this as and adult I'm not sure how much use my advice will be for a child. I use the grounding technique which is 5 things you can see 4 things you can touch 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell and one thing you can taste. I usually get half way through and the panic attack has passed.
I use to talk to my mum on the phone/FaceTime when no one was home so that I could eat as I was scared of choking and dying it's an awful feeling and I was 30+
Maybe a trip to the docs would be a good idea as they may be able to advise of other ideas and reassure him

Whatsthispain · 13/08/2018 22:10

I think that due to him stuffing all his food in his mouth he may have had a bad experience? I think he tried to inhale some meat at school and struggled to swallow it as he hafnt chewed it. Also worrying makes your throat feel tight too. A child in our city died from choking at school and he knows this.

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Whatsthispain · 14/08/2018 08:04

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough do you still have this fear?

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Monkeysocks2017 · 14/08/2018 08:18

I used to and still can have panic attacks I'm with you they are awful!! One of the best advise I ever had was to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, nice big deep breaths ( to me I feel like I can't get enough air in if that makes sense ) I didn't like being cuddled because I felt I had no space but didn't want to be alone so I would hold hands with my mum ( when I was young ) ( dp now ) and I liked to be talked to, they would say you'll be okay In a minute this won't last forever etc! It can feel like your having a heart attack at times too!! Do what ever he feels comfortable with anxiety isn't something to be ignored like pp have suggested, I agree don't make a fuss on him eating but assure him that you are with him and if he does choke which he probably won't but you will help him and he will be ok, I have a phobia of being sick and when I was younger I used to panic every night at bedtime it helped knowing that my mum always said your not going to be sick but if you are I'll look after you!!
Maybe some cbt will help him I found it did nothing for me, having said that since being pregnant with dd I have got better and managed things a lot better, good luck xx

Whatsthispain · 15/08/2018 06:07

Monkeysocks2017 thank you for your help. I'll just keep reiterating that he's ok. A better day yesterday but he's still anxious about his throat and any aches and pains.

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panago · 15/08/2018 07:07

Have you spoken to your GP about CBT?

Whatsthispain · 15/08/2018 07:17

No I haven't. This is all new. Is that the next step, or see how we get on ourselves?

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Monkeysocks2017 · 15/08/2018 08:44

Whatsthispain I was similar when I was younger, I always had a stomach ache ( it wasn't like I was ill more of a In your head tummy ache or a stress ache if that makes sense ) your doing the best you can it's not easy I know, as an adult the first panic attack my dp saw me have he wanted to call an ambulance, may be an idea to speak with your doctor and see if there can be some cbt councilling help id do it sooner rather than later because there could be a waiting list, cbt didn't work for me ( having my baby helped me over come a lot, maybe because I'm focussed and busy all the time ) keep him busy too, have you looked on line for some advise, I found the internet quite helpful too!! He will grow out of this, it's a horrible stage his going through but it can only get better!! Xx

Monkeysocks2017 · 15/08/2018 08:49

Also sorry for rambling on but when he is having the panic attack, make sure you keep telling him to breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth nice big deep breaths, sometimes you can over breath and that makes it worse ( completely natural but not nice ) also remind him that although having the panic attack is horrendous it isn't going to last forever and that with deep breaths and lovely thoughts it will go away!! But keep reminding him to breathe in through nose out through mouth because quite often I don't until I'm told to do so cuz your in such a panic, also try and keep him cool I find I get boiling hot and that doesn't help, might be best to talk to him about what happens should he have one alone so if it happens at school etc he knows how to cope until you get to him! Xx

Whatsthispain · 17/08/2018 11:06

Monkeysocks2017 Just wanted to say thank you for your posts. Ive been really busy, but just wanted to say thanks.

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SeaToSki · 17/08/2018 11:16

Logic often works well with mine when they get tangled with unfounded fear.

Can you give him a torch and a mirror and tell him to look at how big his throat is.
Get a basic biology book about humans and eating and look at how the whole process works from chewing to swallowing to digesting and absorbing, then pooping. If he finds that interesting, get a book on animal digestion so he can see how cows and whales are different etc

You may find he switches his attention to how amazing the whole system is.

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