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How do DH and I cope with this

(6 Posts)
blimppy Tue 01-Mar-16 20:12:53

Well, 9 months after being re-referred to CAMHS, and a year after first being seen by them and effectively dismissed, they have now told us that DD1 (16) has moderate depression, anxiety and social phobia. Hardly ground breaking news given she has been on anti-depressants for 2 months, and self harming for 2 years. They are referring for CBT but this of course will taken months. In the meantime, DD is seeing a private counsellor who can do CBT and will try and respond to the CAMHS assessment. DD spends her life primarily in her room. She goes to college where she does have friends, but keeps missing lessons through panic attacks and is doing no work at all (Year 12). It is heartbreaking to see her so sad and lethargic, and to see her adolescence being destroyed and her future so uncertain. I think DH and I are reaching breaking point and probably starting to be depressed ourselves. We try to be positive and cheerful around DD2 (14), but inside we are breaking. We can't see a way out of this and all the joy appears to have been sucked from life. I'm wondering if any wise souls have words of advice to help us cope?!

iyamehooru Tue 01-Mar-16 20:50:05

Please see if you can have some type of carers assessment (my son is over 18) but I had one and the support I've had has helped a bit. Also please alert dd2's school to the fact that older sibling has MH problems so that school can support her.

I love by the three C's

You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

Hugs X

Canyouforgiveher Tue 01-Mar-16 20:57:22

My 15 year old has been on meds for almost 2 years, has self-harmed, been briefly hospitalised (think that was an over reaction though) and continues to have depression and anxiety. plus her meds are making her gain weight which is a whole other issue.

Yes it has put a huge strain on us all. what has helped has been:

not blaming anyone, especially each other

setting a clear set of not very ambitions goals for her/us (for us it was complete school year, make a friend etc)

Look sometimes at the good bits - it is great that your dd has friends and that she does go to college

We are both seeing therapists ourselves to help us deal with this

Family therapy with a brilliant therapist has been the most helpful thing - for all the family, siblings too.

our therapists all tell us stories of teens/young adults who really struggled and then came through it, did ok, are living independently and happily.

If she still is having panic attacks then ask for a review of her meds. Our second psychiatrist more or less said the goal is to put the depression/anxiety into remission and I don't think that is unreasonable.

Ask for and take any help you can. Our dd's school is completely on board and very helpful.

best of luck. It sucks really but so many people come through it, survive, and do the best for their children and there is a joy in that in itself.

blimppy Tue 01-Mar-16 21:09:57

Thank you for sharing and there are some good points there. I need to try and make the three Cs some sort of motto or mantra, as my tendency to blame myself is naturally strong. I have no idea how to access a carers assessment or therapy for myself and DH, but presume it's a case of going to the GP. Interesting point about telling DD2's school. DD2 seems completely unaffected but you've made me realise we should not take that for granted. I'll contact the Head of Year and have that discussion.

febel Thu 17-Mar-16 09:08:09

canyouforgiveher...can I ask do you go to a private therapist or on NHS? I am at breaking point here, I need to talk to an independant person

Canyouforgiveher Thu 17-Mar-16 15:02:08

febel, we are in US so no NHS. But similar situation in that finding people who take our (excellent) insurance was hard so we pay for nearly everything out of pocket. It is worth it. If you are at breaking point, I think you should keep trying with NHS but also get someone independent if you can afford it. the right therapist/psychiatrist/meds can make a big difference. We pay for a private family therapist and I honestly don't know where we would be now without her. best of luck. it is the hardest thing.

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