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My Mum a full time carer for Step Dad and it's all too much

(5 Posts)
carocaro Sat 27-Oct-12 20:16:18

Help! She's in bits with it all, the sheer admin bollocks alone is enough to make a normal person weep, NHS are SHIT Social Services are SHIT the care people they pay £800 a month to are SHIT. No one calls back no one says what they say they are going to do, each department is full of buck-passing wankers who know totally fuck all. They only person with any empathy and gumption is the district nurse.

He has MS and is bed bound with carers in twice a day to take care of his personal needs and get him up for a couple of hours a day.

Some neighbours trees need cutting back a bit so he can enjoy the light and bir watch but they have refused to chop off even 2 feet at the end of thier 30 foot garden. Why are people so fucking mean and uncooperative and down right rude?!?!? Sit for 5 mins in their situation you asshole and see how it feels they you might cut a couple of feet of you gargantuant trees to give someone who is very ill a tiny bit of pleasure in the teeny weeny bit of window they have in their lives to get outside.

No wonder people fuck off to the Isle of Skye and cut themselves off from the world because people are fucking idiotically vile, thick and thoughtless.

Am so fucking cross and upset.

ClareMarriott Sun 28-Oct-12 11:15:24

Dear Carocaro.

My sister has had MS for the last 26 years and although not bed bound like your stepfather, I do know what it is like to have a family member with the disease. What I would say first of all is to strip out all of the emotion out of your post and see what is left . Your stepfather has MS . How long has he had it and is his current state how it has already been ? How long has your mother been married to him? Because anyone who is well CANNOT know what it is like to live with something like MS is he happy with all the help that he is presently receiving? If he asked if there is anything else that can be done, what are the Social Services actually saying can be provided - or not ? What is it with the tree branches being chopped down? Do your neighbours understand the reason for the request ? Finally, do you live near your mother and stepfather and have you offered to help out and give a hand with all the paperwork ?

carocaro Sun 28-Oct-12 13:42:57

15 years, primary progressive.

Only had partial use of left hand and arm.

Married 25 years.

That is the worst thing, the neighbours do know the reason why, they have stood their and spoken to Step Dad in wheelchair but it has made no difference.

I have helped with as much of the paperwork, but I can't discuss intimate needs or meds with his GP or social services as they will only speak direct to the main carer so my Mum has to do it. There are only certain things an outisder can do.

Carers keep tunung up 45 mins early so he barely out the bed before he is put back in. They keep changing the times. The GP, district nurse and preimary care trust are arguing over who is reposnible for what eg: who is to come and get his stoma bag to work on a daily basis. My Mum is supposed to have 4 hours off a week but no one in social services has been able to sort this for over 8 weeks after contatnt phone calles and letters and email. Still not futher forwards.

She strives, works her arse off, does everything and more but it is not enough as other people and departments are idiots.

ClareMarriott Sun 28-Oct-12 19:30:59

Ok, I'm not going to say this will work but to save any more arseing around by the GP, Social Services people and carers, could a meeting be arranged at the house so your stepfather could discuss with them everything he needs , which may or not be already provided so equipment/visits or whatever can be provided. Are there the same set of carers or do they change ? Also your mother could discuss with them what she needs. If decisions can then made which your stepfather and mother are happy with, then they can be put in place. If that is possible and your mother sees that happening then hopefully she will feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And you ! Good luck

pippop1 Mon 29-Oct-12 00:30:27

You say the neighbours won't have their trees cut back but has someone offered to pay and organise it? They might be a little more amenable if you did.

If it was me I would try going knocking on the neighbour's door and pleading with them. You could even cry (which sadly doesn't sound as though it would be difficult for you at the moment) and see if you can persuade them to let you organise it. Maybe take a bottle of wine in your hand and give it to them to help.

I find it hard to believe that they would be able to resist this approach. Yes you shouldn't have to go to such extreme measures but so what if it works. A little acting should help!

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