Hi, I’m using mumsnet for the first time so I’m not sure if my message will appear in the correct category😬 my 4 year old son started school in September. He took a pretty long time to settle, drop offs were heartbreaking for both us he struggled with separating from me. But he is a lovely well behaved and a very kind and polite boy. In November he asked me if he can have his hair cut like his older brother. He had beautiful long curly hair. I wanted to keep his hair like that for as long as I could😬 it was too cute but then he started saying things like he hates his hair it’s ugly I started to get a little concerned after having a chat I get to the root..a girl from his class has been calling him names and saying things like only girls have long curly hair so he is a girl. Spoke to school they dealt with it. Even though they said to me their only young and the girl was only joking and my son took it the wrong way😡 left it at that. He had a hair cut during Chris break. And for the first time he was so excited to go to school to show everyone his new haircut! And he said mummy no one will be mean to me anymore and that broke my heart😥 first time in January he walked in without crying first time no one had to pull him out of my arms. I was so happy because he was. Even the teachers said he’s a lot more confident and slowly coming out of his shell. Now recently he’s been unhappy again, he has mentioned a name consistently, describing her as evil and mean. He told me she’s always rude to him and she pushes him in the playground. For days I have been encouraging him to tell teacher(which he hasn’t rather confided in me) then other day he says mummy I have an enemy 😳 I asked what’s an enemy he replied a bad guy who hurts others. So today I thought that’s enough and had a chat with the schools pastoral worker, but I was speechless at her responses!! I explained what my child has said about this particular girl she turns round and says she’s surprised as she knows that little girl and it’s not in character to do something like that, I asked are you saying my son is lying? I felt she was being very defensive, I even told her about the previous situation aswell and how wanted his haircut even then she defended that situation too saying he probably just wanted to be a big boy. She kept trying to tell me at that age kids have different interpretations of these situations which I know, and how their only learning and still in the developing stage. But does that make it ok for a child that age to upset my child? Isn’t my child only young aswell? She was telling me how I should be encouraging my son to use his voice to tell a teacher (which I have several times and will continue to do so) but he chose to tell me instead so what’s wrong with that. Al through the conversation I just felt as though I was in the wrong for making a big deal of how my son is feeling, she kept trying to say my son maybe misunderstanding this other kid, maybe that kid is just loud and confident?? Omg I was in rage! So if your loud and confident it’s ok to hurt another child call names ect?? Really! At the end she said she will get his class teacher to contact me and in the meantime they will monitor. I’m upset at how my son is feeling at school but after the defence comments from the pastoral teacher I’m fuming! Am I wrong in making this a big deal even though the kids are only very young but yet not that young that they don’t understand that hitting and name calling isn’t good. Any advise on how to deal with this. I just feel as though they gona come back to me like last time and say it was just a joke and my son misinterpreted it. What could I say or do in them situations.