Is this normal playground stuff, or more?

[Worrywart21]

My son is 8 and has always done well in school, fun, popular and enjoys learning.

Two weeks ago I got a phone call from the school that he was head butted in the playground. I assumed nothing serious and two children ran into each other. When he got home he explained he was playing chase with 1 boy and the boy had grabbed him and said “on a scale of 1-10 how sore is this” and head butted him. My son said “10” and ran away.

After this I was a bit wary and said if anyone ever hits you, hit them back (regretting this now).

It was then half term so he was off school for a week. On his first day back he said the same boy had hit him and he had hit him back.

Today I was standing at the gate and my son comes screaming towards me crying. He said “he shouted at me and said he’d hit me”. I saw red and went over to the man that shouted at my son (I didn’t see it) and said “what’s happened!!!”

He said “I just watched your son attack my son!” I said “who is your son” and he said the boys name that head butted him.

We had quite a heated exchange of words and I replied that his son had head butted my son. The dad knew nothing of this.

We decided to move into a quieter area to discuss this. The dad claims his son is not violent at all and is very quiet. I claim the same. We finally tel both boys to shake hands and if anyone hits anyone then not to hit back and to tell the teacher.

When we got to the car my son explained that the boy kept tripping him up in the class room. My son said “don’t do that again otherwise I’ll fight u after school”. He kept doing it. After school my son ran over and pushed him according to my son and “attacked him” according to the other dad.

I feel guilty as I encouraged my son to hit back. Meaning if he was being bullied to stand up for himself. Instead of telling the teacher about the tripping up he went outside to fight. I’m devastated.

what do I do next?

Did I handle it correctly?

I’m very embarrassed as I was very emotional in the playground when I seen my son in tears. He was in tears as the dad has shouted at him. I had no idea what had happened at this point and was extremely cross.

I have apologised on behalf of my son and banned him from his PlayStation is this the right thing to do?

[EugenesAxe]

I wonder about the PlayStation thing as to me that looks like you are punishing him for following your advice.

Possibly I would say that he made a mistake but that by telling him to hit back you realise now so did you, and draw a line underneath it. You can be clear that hitting isn't a good idea and that if it ever does happen again you will ban the PlayStation.

If it does happen again, tell the school and ask for their response in accordance to their Behaviour Policy/ Bullying Policy.

I came on here looking to see if there was any thread on friendship bullying... so I understand how much you are seeing red on your DS's behalf as I am too. All literature I've seen though advises to remain calm, log the incident and report to the school. This page I found very useful:
www.bullying.co.uk/advice-for-parents/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-being-bullied/