SEN child bullying my girl

[needalittleL]

DD is 5, other girl is seven. Obviously I don't know her individual issues but from things school have mentioned as well as what other children's parents have said I gather she has additional needs.

It all began with my daughter returning from school saying she had been in a 'cuddle she couldn't get out of' with a bigger girl. She also told me that this girl had taken her friends hair band and snapped it.

So as it was the second week of reception I went to chat to the teacher and and the teacher asked my child to stay away from this other girl to which I was a bit as I thought it was a bit victim blameu. Anyway this happened a few times further ( hitting her, calling her 'stupid' and 'ugly' ) so myself and my partner went in for a proper sit down with the teacher after school and the teacher advised us that the school 'had previous processes in place over lunch break' for this girl and perhaps this needed to be reinforced.

My DD then told me this girl was always with a dinner lady in the yard following this chat. I went for a coffee with some other mums and one of them mentioned they had been to see the teacher about an older girl hitting their child -you've guessed it, the same girl. Another mum in the group had a son in the same class as her and she's been causing a lot of problems within her own class but being older and more mature, the girls in her class have chosen to ignore her. Here lies the problem;

This girl has now decided my daughter is to be her friend. She's following her around even when we've told our daughter to be polite but firm to avoid antagonising her. Told our daughter to go to a dinner lady if she's bothering her. Today this is what she did, and this girl burst into tears and my daughter got told off for not including her.

Parents of children with additional needs, how should I tell my child to handle this? She's only 5 and doesn't really understand the concept of children with autism or other SEN. I don't want to tell her to be mean or push her away, but at the same time she's not listening to her and I just don't want my child being forced to play with her bully. What can I do? (Aside from speak to the teacher again which I will do tomorrow)

[Prettybaffled]

Sorry to hear your dd has been hurt and upset

I think you should tell your dd that other children sometimes struggle to understand rules about playing and that if anything upsets her in play time she should immediately go to see an adult.

[Toomuchginger]

What Prettybaffled said.

[Firefries]

I don't have kids with SN but have worked with them and seen normally that the child with SN just doesn't understand what is right or wrong around another child, and they just can't read social cues etc (so they make mistakes and just get too much for other kids). Often a very friendly child with SN just wants to befriend another child and takes a liking to the one "being bullied" (other child). I don't think it's intentional just unfortunate that the child with SN is being too overwhelming for the child "being bullied"/other child. It's very real for kids like your child, but if it helps I'm really sure the child with SN doesn't want to harm or hurt yours. Truly the child with SN just needs an adult with them at all times, and the adult needs to know that the child with SN is not allowed around certain kids (ie like yours/the one feeling or being bullied). I'd have another chat with the school and tell them what you need for your child. They are normally pretty good at helping these situations out.

[Manumission]

I'd deal with the issue in hand and not gossip in coffee shops with other parents. You don't know how much of the gossip is accurate and it will just wind you up.

Liaise with the school again and meanwhile don't transmit the idea to your DD that this is "bullying" (misjudged overtures of friendship aren't really that).

You can talk to her about strategies and about how everyone is different in lots of ways including how well they understand different things.

[Manumission]

(BTW "SEN child" is not very kind.)