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Don't know what to do!

(3 Posts)
NK346f2849X127d8bca260 Fri 10-Jun-16 10:21:51

My dd is 12 and in Y7, she was diagnosed with PTSD 2.5 years ago after witnessing the attempted suicide of her father. She had months of counselling, which we have had to pay privately for, and we dip back into when needed. She still suffers with low self esteem, depression and severe anxiety.
She went from a very small primary into large secondary last September.
All went quite well until November when she was targeted by bullies. This was handled very badly by school, since my complaint about that the deputy head has taken overseeing the guidance team.
Things ticked along for a few months, although dd has hated going in and I have had to take her in every morning as she doesn't like the school bus.
Mid May she is targeted by girl in the original group of bullies. She got a group of girls together to target my dd it was observed by a teacher and picked up on cctv.
This incident was taken seriously and dealt with swiftly, but the only punishment handed out to this girl was that her parents were informed. I was told if it happened again senior management would be involved.
My dd has been off since Tuesday with a bad cold and obviously stress and doesn't want to go back.
Nobody talks to her and this bully has a hold over everyone!
My dd wants to be HE and I am happy to do that, but am worried if it doesn't work out where to send her next. Two local schools are failing and the good are ones oversubscribed.
Help please!!!

Ningnang2000 Mon 13-Jun-16 00:33:52

I'm really sorry to hear your daughter is going through this. I'm not sure what help I can. My advice would be to apply to all other schools and see what happens. Maybe she just needs a clean slate ag a school where she doesn't have to face up to her past and is just accepted for who she is. In my first year at secondary I experience a close family bereavement (not the same I know) but I felt I could not move on because everyone knew me as that kid. I was not bullied but ended up moving schools at easter to a school that not many people knew who I was. It was the best decision for me. I'm not a big fan of running away but I do believe in putting rhe past behind you. I really hope your daughter I okay x

edielou2 Mon 13-Jun-16 18:57:18

Your poor DD sad. My DS (now in yr 8) was very badly bullied at his previous school from yr 5 to the second term of yr 7, at which point we took him out. He'd been happy until yr 5 with a good group of friends, when a new boy arrived and immediately started targeting him, physically and verbally, escalating to a fairly serious physical assault half way through yr 5. At first the school dealt with it but seemed to give up when this kid didn't respond to the sanctions; he just kept bullying DS, we kept reporting it, and they kept doing nothing. In the end we took him out without notice (it was a fee-paying school so this was a big deal for them) and I home educated him for the summer term of yr 7. The bully had alienated him from all his (so-called) friends and I was seriously concerned about his mental health by this point. But he started at our local state secondary, which is huge, last September, and so far everything has gone really well, so moving school can definitely work. There are a couple of boys there who were in his year at the previous school who had left in year 6 and who know the story but both are good kids and have kept quiet about it, so his past hasn't followed him. He's made good friends, though he still has trust issues, and I'm hopeful that he's now better equipped to deal with kids who try to bully him. There have been a couple who've tried and he's been a bit upset, but he's managed to deal with it and they've stopped. For DS the advantage is that the school is so huge that he rarely crosses paths with them and doesn't feel abandoned by his friends like he did at the last school. So, I'd say that having a break for HE (which was a completely golden time for us, and I can't recommend it highly enough, especially at the almost-teenage stage) and then moving somewhere else worked brilliantly for us. There might still be merit in trying to get your DD's current school to do more though if you think there's hope that they can be effective and that there are others who might be friends with her if the bullies could be kept in line better. I'd ask (in writing) to see the school's anti-bullying policy and tell them (again in writing, if you haven't already done it, start documenting everything) you don't feel the recent incident has been dealt with firmly enough. They have a duty of care to your DD and they're not fulfilling it angry. Given that you say it's a large school, can more be done by the staff to put your DD in classes away from the bullies, or at least the worst culprits? (and the culprits should be moved, not your DD). Can she detail when the problem times are? Is it being sat near the bullies during lessons, or is it during break? If you can identify the times when the bullies can access your DD for the school you can then insist they do more to prevent the bullying occurring during these times. Hope this helps and that they step up and fulfil their responsibility to her. Hugs to you both.

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