dont know what to do

[taggi32]

In summery to try to keep it short my 14 year old son has been bullied on and off for 3 years. The lad has always got away with it and school seem very uninterested. The year head said to me " well its not been constant " she said " it is complicated as they have been friends on and off" and said things " he was prevoked "
well recently my son was asked to fill in a vacant spot on a school trip abroad and they put my son in a room with the lad. He spent 4 days being called tramp , gypsy amongst other things. on the 3d day he was strangled by the bully to the point he thought he was going to die. ( the teachers were well informed about what was going on , even one of the teachers came to him when my son was sittting in the corridor after being choked.) Since being home he has nightmares every night and wakes in the night crying and shouting, crying at the smallest thing. Its heatbreaking to see the damage he has caused . Upon returning to school he has given a statement and the school made all sorts of assurances that he would be kept safe , but they didnt impliment a single thing they hadnt even spoke to the lad, they have been to busy. My son came home on Thursday a complete wreck and cried for 2 hours . The decision has been made to move my son to another school as he has lost all faith in the school and i think its the only way for him to move forward. Then today, we learn the bully is going to move also and it wont take 10 guesses as to where. Does anyone know if there is any way or regulation to stop the boy following my son to the new school? We are at our wits end and my sons on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He prob has said this to mess my sons head up further but i cant take that risk we need to stop this boy moving and give my son peace !

[BrianTheMole]

I think I would have contacted the police about the assault personally. Can you contact new school and talk to them about the bullying?

[taggi32]

P.s I am sorry for the poor grammer and spelling lol

[fridayfreedom]

I would still go to the police about the assault and would be writing to the Head and governors about their failure to keep him safe.
I would also ask for an appointment with the new head and explain what has happened and your concerns.
The bully may not be moving but saying this to make your son more frightened.

[taggi32]

I dont know if the police can do anything, seeing as they were abroad and stuff. Also i know my son doest want to go to the police and do all the statements all over again. he could only bearly talk to school about what went on . he said he doesnt remember it all and he doesnt want to remember and just crys and crys .

[taggi32]

i dont want to cause him anymore pain

[fridayfreedom]

I would still take advice from the police and see what they say.
I would also take him to the GP, get him signed off from school and ask about counselling.
He may not be able to ask but from what my son went through, they need to see you acting on their behalf and taking control for them.

[taggi32]

I have taken him to the gp when he got home ( 3 weeks ago) and the doc said it was to soon to do anything and that it would get better on its own but its not better and i have an docs appointment for next week. Thats what he needs counselling and a fresh start. I have spoken to the other school and they said they couldnt really discuss the transfer till the forms had been submitted but i will contact them again monday . When we submitted the forms to his current school he was so relieved that soon it would soon be over and now hes just broken again. He prob is just saying it to scare him but this kid is sick and takes great pleasure in phycological torture more than causing physical pain .

[BrianTheMole]

Oh its not fair though is it. Can't you run it by the police and get their thoughts on it anyway? If they can do anything it might give that boy a nasty shock and start to think about his own behavior. And it might help give your ds back some confidence if he can take control over this.

[taggi32]

I am seeking legal advice and we have discussed the possibly of just sending the police over to his house ( just for them to turn up would scare him and give the parents a wake up call) but i dont want to force my son into doing anything he doesnt want to. He is frightened of reprisals and that the police wont believe him. The lad seems to have a gift at worming his way out of things. Even tho the lad has inccidents with many other children on a regular basis both boys and girls, older and younger and was suspended from his primary school for bullying . But he seems to have a bit of a thing for my boy taking great delight in taking him apart bit by bit

[youngatheart1]

When I read this I went cold, having had experience both personally and indirectly with this i would like to tell you what we did regarding the schools lack of urgency, after my ds who is 15 now was bullied in year 6 and when one day I got a call to say that he had been attacked from behind by this boy, we took photos of the cuts on his back where his nails has gone in, wrote a letter to the school, copied in the school governors and HSE because we said the school where not bothered about our sons safety, this worked pretty damn quickly and the boy was expelled, like you case this child had already been involved in various other incidents and been suspended. Before people jump on me for not having proof of injury etc, the gp can vouch for his state of mind and you can still threaten the school with HSE and Boards etc. As for this child moving schools, how does he know you are moving your DS? and what would he gain from moving so like other posts do think it is probably a bit unlikely, with regard to your sons state of mind, having dealt with a friend whose dd actually took her own life because of this sort of thing, please please keep him in your sights at all times, even if he says he is ok, because tomorrow is school again and he must be in utter turmoil, it breaks my heart to think of my ds crying like this and I would keep him off school, explain to the school that he is unwell and could they let you have some work for him to do, if you are unable to sort this out and the other boy lives near perhaps for the sake of your sons health you could consider moving if that was possible. I hope I have been of help and sorry if I have worried you but I see the damage caused by kids on a regular basis and despair of some, not all before I get shouted at, and cannot understand why they want to hurt each other.

[BrianTheMole]

When is he starting the new school? Would it be possible to keep him at home until then and get him some work to do from a distance

[BrianTheMole]

Forgot to put my ? in at the end.

[taggi32]

no, you havent worried me, I already know what can happen with his state of mind ect. He has already said "mum i dont think i can take much more of this" then of course alsorts go though your head. He is home until school can arrange a safe place for him to learn.School have flatly pointed out the boy will not be expelled. I have asked for some work for him to do at home but school just dismissed it. And, we have already threatened with informing the board, which they didnt like very much but still hasnt moved things along any faster as yet.
My youngest goes to school with the bullies younger brother at the village primary and we think he has told him about the move. In the back of my mind I have to think the following is an idle threat but i know the boy is capable.
I have said to my son that we have to ask for police help as now the lad has started to call him late at night, last night it was at 11.35 pm. He just can seem to get away from him.

[youngatheart1]

Glad he is staying at home, we went through this with the school denying it, but my dh took the matter in his owns hands and contacted governors, HSE etc and only then did they do something. So get that letter done and make a phone call to anyone who will listen. The other thing is keep any text messages being sent or logs of incoming calls because this is evidence for the police. with regards to work try to speak to individual tutors rather then year head, or go directly to head and demand work or you will contact the education board stating that they are stopping your ds from getting an education, I know I sound a bit strong but believe me I have seen the damage that 1 child can do to another and your ds will be unable to cope with all these emotions without help. Hope you both have a good day

[youngatheart1]

Me again, hope day going ok, just wondered whether DS has someone else at school who could visit to make him feel less isolated and take his mind of things