Will I ever be able to BF?

[Kayzr]

We are thinking about TTC DC3 either late this year or next year. I really really want a 3rd but the fact I didn't BF DS1 or DS2 has been playing on my mind.

With DS1 I didn't really want to BF at all. I don't know why but I just didn't fancy it. But at 36 weeks after my MW asked what I was planning to do she managed to persuade me to give it a go.
A week before I had DS1 my MW broke her ankle so I didn't see her at all after he was born. 30 minutes before he was born I had Pethedine, which I have been told since can make them sleepy and reluctant to feed.
I couldn't get him to latch on at all and the MWs and nurses in the hospital didn't really care. We came home and the MW came the next day and just said to keep trying but said she didn't have the time to show me how to latch him on. After an hour and a half of him screaming for food I caved in and gave him a bottle(we had bought them before I decided to try BF). He was then fully FF.

With DS2 I had always said that I was going to BF him until he was about 8 months as that is when I am due back at work. I had him at home and he weighed 10lb 5oz. My normal MW was on holiday from the day after he was born so again saw a few MWs. First MW weighed him and he had dropped to 9lb 6oz. She said he was bordering on having to be admitted to hospital as he had lost more than 10% but she said we'd give him a few days. She also gave me great tips on positioning and latching on. I thought things were going really well.
The next day I saw another MW and he had only put on 1oz. I thought it was ok because it was a gain but no. She said we had to give him formula top ups. She sent my DH out in the rain to get formula. I tried to say that it wasn't what I wanted but she said if I didn't give him them then she would have to take him to hospital and they might have to tube feed him. At 5 days post natal, not much sleep plus a 19 month old DS1 I just backed down.
I didn't realise how much those few bottles would affect BF. He didn't want to latch on, once on he would come off pretty much straight away and just wasn't interested.
I struggled on with mixed feeding until he was 6 weeks old but then realised that it would be easier to just FF him.
DS2 is now 6 months and I still have pangs of guilt, sadness and anger. I went to visit a friend in hospital when she had her premature DD and I saw this MW and hid a toilet and then cried my eyes out

I complained and was told she was being sent on an advanced BF course but she told them that she believed I didn't want to BF so she suggested the formula.

This same MW has ruined BF for me on 2 occasions now and I am so scared of it happening again. I know now that I need to try and be strong and forceful if we happen to get her again.

But is it possible to BF DC3 when the first 2 were FF? I am a bit worried that it wasn't the bad advice from the MW and maybe I just can't BF.

Thank you very much.

[Kayzr]

Sorry wasn't expecting it to be so long

[fishie]

i am hating that mw.

sure you can bf dc3. ring a bf helpline or find out what support there is in your area and talk to someone before you have the baby. make sure you have help lined up so that you don't need to rely on what is very patchy nhs support.

i had to wait until was discharged from hospital (after cs) to get any bf help so i know how bad it can be - and the pressure to give formula etc etc. good for you to persevere.

[Kayzr]

Nearest BF group and support is about 12 miles away and couldn't get there. But I am hoping to be driving by the time DC3 comes.

[tiktok]

Kayzr, I remember your threads.

The reason why breastfeeding ceased so much sooner than you planned is entirely due to the awful advice and 'support' you got.

No reason at all to think it will not be a much happier experience this time round - think how much more you know than before!

[Kayzr]

Thanks.

Tiktok, you are right. I feel like I have read about a million books on BF since all that happened.

[memct]

It is absolutely possible, I know someone who FF 5 children and is successfully BFing her 6th!
I'm not really qualified to give you specific help but I can definately recommend the LLL helpline 0845 120 2918. I used it loads.
There is nothing wrong with you, it is the support system that has failed you. I was very lucky to have fantastic midwife support with breastfeeding and categorically could not have managed without it!
Best of luck
xx

[PortAndLemon]

Yes, you can bf a DC3. And I don't, from what you've said here, see what the MWs were so worried about with your DS2. If he was 10lb 5oz and dropped to 9lb 6oz then he hadn't lost over 10% of his birthweight -- 10% of 10lb 5oz is 16.5 lb so he'd have had to have dropped to 9lb 4.5oz to have lost 10%, and below that to have lost "more than" 10%.

In fact, it doesn't sound to me as though you had any problems breastfeeding your DS2 other than those caused by midwives with a faulty grasp of arithmetic. He lost less than 10% of his birth weight (good) then started putting on weight (good) but they made you give formula top-ups, which is very hard to get past. It is not in any way your fault.

[Kayzr]

Thanks everyone.

Port, I had never worked it out myself. The MW said he had lost 12% but as he was a big baby she would let it go just once. Strange that she said he had lost over 10%