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"she's pooing enough as it is" - should i talk to my friend about this?

(20 Posts)
pinata Mon 07-Jul-08 18:42:51

i went to visit my friend's 1 week old DD today, and the baby was crying at 2.30 because she'd last been fed at 11.30

she didn't feed her because he DP said the baby was "pooing enough as it is" so she'll have to wait

i was shockshockshock - never heard such a thing before. the more i think about it, the more i want to raise it with her and tell her not to listen to him. who on earth judges whether a brand new baby should be fed by how much they are pooing?

should i do this? and if i do, how do i broach the subject? she's a very close friend but i don't want to cause any problems...

OomphreyCushion Mon 07-Jul-08 18:44:03

How long did she make the baby wait for?

scorpio1 Mon 07-Jul-08 18:44:47

God, my BF baby still poos all the time..its what babies do!

I would ask her if she was my close friend - 3hrs is a long time for a BF baby to go between feeds at that age IME (only 1 bf baby though)

harpsichordcarrier Mon 07-Jul-08 18:44:53

oh dear god
I have no idea what to suggest but shockshockshock at the notion
I would certainly broach the subject with her

pinata Mon 07-Jul-08 18:44:57

another 40 minutes - i couldn't believe it. she rocked her into a kind of grumbly sleep

scorpio1 Mon 07-Jul-08 18:45:53

sad they need feeding loads at that age - i was chuffed she pooed so much - i knew she was getting milk!

Flibbertyjibbet Mon 07-Jul-08 18:56:01

Is the baby formula fed? I know my sil and bils gf both formula fed and took the instructions on the tin for 3 or 4 hourly feeds as gospel and would not not not give any feeds in between even if babies were going bezerk.
But if your friend is bf then hmmm its a bit strange to expect a child to wait that long. Unless, like my il's, she thinks that bf is 3-hourly as well? Perhaps she has pnd and is just fed up of the demands of feeding a new baby. In which case she needs some encouragement not criticism, maybe a visit from a bf counsellor?

OomphreyCushion Mon 07-Jul-08 19:01:32

I have a friend who FF four hourly right from the start.

The "pooing enough as it is" comment is bizarre though.

A gentle word would not go amiss, I think.

youcannotbeserious Mon 07-Jul-08 19:04:51

totally agree with scorpio

TheProvincialLady Mon 07-Jul-08 19:07:30

Her DH is spouting potentially dangerous claptrap advice. He does not know what he is talking about. They both need to know the facts and it is your duty to tell them - gentlysmile

scorpio1 Mon 07-Jul-08 19:10:07

Surely the effort of placating that baby for 40 minutes was more than feeding them, whichever way they are fed??

Sorry i just assumed BF btw.

pinata Mon 07-Jul-08 19:29:58

the baby is part BF, part FF - right, i'm going to raise it with her, although goodness knows how. i'm seeing her on friday so will have a think - any ideas most welcome.... my DD at that age pooed before, during and after every feed - if she didn't, i worried

the thing is, her DP already has a 4 yo son, so has done it all before and seems to think he knows best. maybe it's a case of not remembering the very early days and thinking a 4 hourly routine is essential, as flibberty says

Liz79 Mon 07-Jul-08 20:39:19

I don't think you should wait til Friday. Phone her. Now. Poor child sad

youcannotbeserious Mon 07-Jul-08 21:02:57

Again, I agree with Scorpio.

sometimes, I'll put DS to my breast because it comforts him even when I know he's not really hungry.... It relaxes and comforts him.

Who cares how many nappies need to be changed? I change DS way before he needs to be changed.

my DH has two children (my DSDs) and I agree it's a bit of a shift because he's always been in charge of 'his' kids,IYSWIM, but I'd still never stand for him telling me when my DS needed feeding or changing!!

Talk to your friend. It would be interesting to see if she is behaving like this because she thinks her DH is right or because she doesn't want to upset him. If it's the latter, that's quite worrying.

Romy7 Mon 07-Jul-08 21:09:21

maybe just ask her if she's feeding on demand and stuff? less confrontational. you could just say something like 'i fed x all the time - it kept him quiet,' or 'i had forgotten how much feeding they need at this age!' - 'i remember x crying every hour on the hour!' or similar.

ds1 fed 2 hourly for ten months. he screamed blue murder if i tried to stretch it out!

pinata Tue 08-Jul-08 10:37:56

thanks Romy - i like that approach. it's all so new and i remember how i felt when it was me - i would have hated even the best intentioned advice as i rode on my hormonal rollercoaster!

jammi Tue 08-Jul-08 14:36:52

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear Tue 08-Jul-08 18:32:27

Agree with Romy
Amazed her MW or HV hasn't mentioned any different!
Not sure how to bring this up but you could explain that sometimes the baby will want a meal, sometimes a snack, sometimes a drink and sometimes just a comfort feed and they are all fine!

DaisylovesLeo Wed 09-Jul-08 16:08:35

My HV told me off for feeding my 3 week old every 2 hours. She said it would exhaust me and I should get him into a 4 hourly
feeding routine. I tried but consoling crying hungry baby too exhausting, and quickly went back to demand bfeeding. As a new mother it is easy to get swayed by the last piece of advice you were given...My baby is 8 weeks now and I am learning to trust my own instincts as all the conflicting advice too confusing. I think you should raise this in an understanding way with your friend - and hope that the 'pooing enough already' comment was a joke hmm

pinata Wed 09-Jul-08 18:36:24

no - not a joke unfortunately. if it had been i wouldn't have worried.

I am surprised about the MW or HV not saying to feed on demand - they probably have, but her DP is the self styled food police, it seems

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