Feeding mainly at night

[Shatteredmom]

Hi, Would be grateful if anyone can provide advice on how to try and get my DS to feed mainly during the day. At the moment his feeds during the first part of the day are fairly non-existent, after his lunchtime nap they are OK, with a cluster feed build up in the evening. I am OK with the cluster feeding, it is just that he is now waking three times in the night in order to get the milk he needs. If I could survive on 4 hours sleep I would be OK, but finding it very tough and completely exhausted. Any advice on how to get him feeding more during daylight hours?

[potoroo]

Bumping for you because DD is doing the same thing...

[fingerwoman]

have you tried just offering more frequently during the day?
how old is he?

[Shatteredmom]

Have tried feeding on demand, but only takes a few sucks then pushes me away. He is now 19 weeks and a little on the small side (just 13lbs).

[Sycamoretree]

If you have tried feeding on demand and that hasn't worked, do you think more structured feeding might work? Sounds like he's just got himself a bit back to front, so might take a few days to gradually push more of the feeding into the day. How old is he though? Is he old enough to expect no night feeding? Am sorry you are having a tough time

[Cinderffingrella]

ST - OP says DS is 19 weeks What's his routine like? Does he sleep too much in the day which might mean he's inclined to take less and then be less settled at night so end up doing most of his feeding then? Tell us more about his day and then we might be able to suggest better ideas.

[Shatteredmom]

Could try a more structured routine as I have done on-demand and structured in the past. I am not sure whether he is ready weight to sleep through yet, but I was at a point a few weeks ago when he was only waking once. I thought that when he started waking more frequently that it was just a growth spurt, but now realise that his feeding has turned upside down. Having a tough time as my father is seriously ill and having to visit him everyday which can't be helping DS, but nothing really I can do. Should I try not to feed him during one of the night feeds and gradually reduce his dependence this way or try to feed him up during the day? Can you tell I am a first-timer/

[Shatteredmom]

He is a very lively little one. He tends to wake between 7-7.30 then is up until his morning nap around two hours after he has woken. I usually feed him around 8.30-9 as he won't take first thing. This nap last 45mins then he is awake and kicking until 12.15 when he will have another 45-60 min nap before being on the go again until around 3.45 when he tends to have another 30 mins to keep him going until bath at 6.15 and bed at 7pm. His biggest feed is usually just before bed at 7, but he does cluster feed from around 4.30-5pm. Any thoughts?

[Cinderffingrella]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now It could be he is more distracted from his day feeds if he's out and about because of your father. Is he BF-ing? Are you able to find a quiet place to feed? I often found my DC's fed best during the night as they are just so chilled, Bless 'em. Look - others may disagree, but it may be worth seeing if you can settle him other ways instead of feeding him closer to morning (am guessing his last night feed is around 5-ish?). See if it improves his appetite upon waking - cos if you can get him feeding around 6.30 or 7pm, you'll be able to get more feeds in during the day, if that makes sense?

[Cinderffingrella]

Oh, and don't think he will be sleeping through for a while yet, sorry to say . Normally not until weaning at 6 months.

[Shatteredmom]

Thanks Cinderffingrella, will try to passify him at the 5am feed...how did you know! I am BF-ing which is tough work at the moment with everything else going on, but I am keeping going. You might be right about the distraction thing. Will try to find more quiet places to feed in future during the day. I'll let you know how I get on tomorrow.

[spiritofstlouis]

Hello- my DS did this at around 4 months. I found it useful to limit his night feeds- after a few minutes of feeding I'd detach him gently and cuddle to sleep- as he was taking less at night he started feeding more in the day again- the big relief is when they are hungry first thing again!

[Cinderffingrella]

Good advice from Spirit - it's hard to break 'em off, especially if they are feeding well, but for your sanity and your sleep, sounds like it would be worth a try. Ha ha, they all frickin' wake at 5am! Good luck. Do you ever use a dummy? Some people don't favour them but I think they can be useful, especially in a situation like this.

[TiddlerTiddler]

I have same problem. I am taking a slightly different tack and cuddling back to sleep at the 2.30am / 3am wakening and then feeding at 5am. My DS is 7 months and has been doing this since 4 months old. So I am a shattered mum!

[TiddlerTiddler]

PS I am hoping that as he eats more during the day with solids he will start to go longer at night. Like you, its the constant waking up and inability to get a decent stretch of sleep is sooooo hard.

He is now in his own room which I am finding a better incentive to cuddle back to sleep because when he was in our room it was very very easy to take him into the bed and feed him. Tougher on me in the short term but am hoping that it will help him feed less at night. I am not trying to starve him but gently trying to steer him towards eating in the day not at night!

Let us know if you find something that works!

[TiddlerTiddler]

PS I am hoping that as he eats more during the day with solids he will start to go longer at night. Like you, its the constant waking up and inability to get a decent stretch of sleep is sooooo hard.

He is now in his own room which I am finding a better incentive to cuddle back to sleep because when he was in our room it was very very easy to take him into the bed and feed him. Tougher on me in the short term but am hoping that it will help him feed less at night. I am not trying to starve him but gently trying to steer him towards eating in the day not at night!

Let us know if you find something that works!

[Shatteredmom]

Quick update...tried minimal feeding at all times except the 3am feed (DS woke about 5 times last night - think he may have been cold). Worked well I think as he took a reasonable feed at 6.50 and then again at 9am before settling for his morning nap. Fingers crossed for the rest of today. I'll keep you up to speed.

[Cinderffingrella]

Hiya SM - Sorry didn't post yesterday - had rare Valentine night out with DP - food was crap but nice to get out anyway you know? Glad you had a better night feeding - sounds like it must be something else waking the LO. Could he be a bit snuffling with a cold? How did you do last night?

Tiddler - hope you are also getting some results! Took me so long to sort out my first DS - looking back I must have been some kind of super-being to do all the feeding I did - but I guess with your first you can't help keep putting them before yourself and the rest of the family. With my number 2 and 3, they just HAD to fit in with the rest of the family, so I'm afraid the night feeding got short shrift as soon as I thought they were able - I am mean mummy! Dummy is my Frrieeeennndddd!

[Shatteredmom]

Another tough night. DS had usual feed at 7pm, wouldn't settle at 8pm without a top up, then was hungry again at 10.15pm. Woke again at 12.30am, tried to settle, but again wouldn't without minimal nursing. He then lasted to 3.45am which was a reasonable stretch when I gave him his usual night feed, but he woke again at 5am and wouldn't settle until I fed him again at 6am as I thought that this could count as a morning feed!! He has taken a good feed at 9am again, but I am rapidly running out of steam - hence no update last night...too tired and in bed early. He is only 19 weeks and small for his age, but is very active. I am positive that he shouldn't be at the weaning stage, but he does appear to be drinking a lot of milk. Any handy hints on settling without feeding at night most welcome...I'm desperate. Thanks!

[mandler]

God Shattered, I could have written that myself this morning! DS is 18 weeks and is so distracted during the day that he has been waking constantly at night. Also my supply seems to be suffering now, but I haven't the energy to express to get things moving again!
Unfortunately DS also had a bout of eczema last week (he is exclusively bf) so although I am tempted to start formula (I have found bf a struggle since day one) I want to try to stave off more severe eczema by keeping going until 6 months.
Sorry to hijack, but if anyone can advise on upping supply and weight gain in a babe this age I would be very grateful. Also any tips on stopping distraction (even in a quiet roon he finds something to stare at!)

[Cinderffingrella]

SM - do you control cry? Will he take a dummy? Will he be cuddled to sleep? These are really the only other ways to settle a baby. Some people advocate using a little cooled boiled water if you want to avoid a feed, but non of my DC's would ever take it - I know many mums who it has worked for. You sound exhausted - do you sleep when DS sleeps in the day?

If you have questions about when to wean, you should post on feeding, as there are so many v. knowledgeable MNetters who can share their wisdom on what are signs, when is right etc.

Mandler - you should also prob post on feeding, as (am sure you know) there are amazing BF goddesses (Hunker, TikTok) who are on MN most nights and can def give great advice on getting your supply back up. I have heard about these nursing necklaces that are supposed to keep distracted babies entertained, looking in the directing they are supposed to be, and stopping them pushing and pulling at you. FYI BF-ing is general supposed to get easier from just about where you are now (4 months) , so fingers crossed. You poor knackered ladies - I know how
you feel.

[Cinderffingrella]

Oh, and of course stroking or gently patting, which is better (imo) than getting them out the cot, unless they are proper hysterical, in which case DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!

[Shatteredmom]

Dear Cinders, can't put myself through the controlled crying - tried and failed as I couldn't listen to him sound so desperate. Did use my little finger last night with some success to get DS to sleep twice without feeding. Will hopefully have assistance from DH tonight so we might be able to crack the cycle together. As for sleeping when DS does, just moved into new home and workmen always seem to call just as the little one has gone down for a nap and leave just as he is waking up. I am just glad that I have made it to the weekend when additional help is at hand. Thanks for the boiled water trick - haven't tried that one yet, but vaguely remember reading about it in the days before baby.

Mandler - I had same prob with supply for a while. I pumped after feeds when he didn't take much and it seemed to do the trick - that and eating and drinking loads too. My DS only gains an average of 3oz a week, but is as lively as any baby I have come across and enjoys taking everything in, hence is distracted like your DS when feeding. I think that you should not worry about the weight gain and be proud that he is such an inquisitive little person. He will take what he needs - don't panic as he will let you know if he is unhappy. I am sure you are doing a fab job and should be very proud that you are still BF after having such a hard time. Congrats! The feeding threads on Mumsnet are an invaluable source of support and advice, check them out if you have a chance.

[Hillbilly]

Just found this post and I could have written it myself....it totally mirrors my situation for the last 3 weeks. I think my ds (17 wks) had also started teething and I decided to give him calpol in the hope that it may help him sleep a bit longer, sooth his teething and break the cycle of him waking every 2 hours. Well it worked. Not recommending it as don'yt believe in medicating for the sake of it but now his wake times at night are more like 11, 2 & 5 which is more managable.

Good luck with it anyway!