Extended Bfers: Advice on stopping bfing my almost 2 year old (am pregnant)

[crace]

I have continued to feed my almost 2 year old through lots of issues, and pressure to stop. My daughter has historical been pretty rubbish about eating food, but that is getting better. No doubt as I know my supply has really dropped. It is however the main reason why I continued to feed her for so long. I have up until recently been the main source of nutrition for her, and it's hard for me to "let go". Plus she is a big one to feed several times through the night, for comfort mostly.

My question is that I feel it's time for me to stop, I am 14 weeks pregnant and the demand has been so great on me for so long I am worried about resting up (or even wanting to) enough to feed the new baby.

I know it will be hard and dramatic, but what is the best way to stop for her. I know the best in her opinion would be to continue. I will only do it if it's gentle to her, she is still my first priority!

Any advice?

[mamado]

I stopped bfing dd1 when i was 9 weeks pregnant with dd2. I like you still fed a lot at night, but less during the day. I basically used the drop in supply to my advantage, and just kept reinforcing to dd1 (age 2.3 at the time) that mummy's milk had nearly run out, that it was all already in her tummy. It just seemed to go in, and in the end one day I just snuggled with her to get to sleep (she always fell asleep whilst feeding), saying there was no milk, and it worked fine.

It was all very natural, and she just accepted it was time to finish.

I had thought continuing and tandem feeding would be best, but in the end I think the strain at the end of pregnancy and with a newborn would have been too much for me. Although, I very much admire those who can give so much.

Hope you find it as easy when you do it in the end

[mylittleponey]

I had to stop bf whilst preg and I did over a weekend. My dh took care of ds who was nearly two whilst I had to stay in bed for medical reasons (bleeding in preg, nothing to do with ds breastfeeding). After this it was fine. Good luck.

[crace]

I had considered disappearing for the weekend but I fear it would be too traumatic for my daughter. Thanks for the tips, I am rather hoping now that she is understanding a lot more I can keep reinforcing that it's "all gone" which is a concept she does understand.

It isn't just about milk though, is it - it's the comfort aspect that I think will be harder

[bumbleweed]

I was still feeding my dd at 18m and discovered I was pg. I didnt want to stop feeding her as like your dd she was very slow to take to solid food and bf was a very big part of her nutrition and emotional needs.

However, at about 6wks pg I was absolutely exhausted and made a snap but very rational decision that night-feeds (still feeding twice) had to stop. We had a difficult and tearful few nights where dh would bring her in the bed and I would tell her that there was no more 'milkies' in the night and that she could have cuddles instead and 'milkies' in the morning. She was very upset but we comforted her throughout and she accepted it.

We then went to morning and evening feeds and I wanted to continue these. But it got sorer and sorer on my boobs, and she was soon getting very little milk and comfort suckling. By 20m it had got so sore and I was constantly asking her to relatch or change position that I felt it was becoming a negative experience for both and stopped. She accepted it really well and started having warm milk in a cup - I was gutted!

Not trying to put you off continuing if you want to - there is a great book called 'Mothering your Nursing Toddler' with a chapter on continuing. Some people find no probs with supply and have good pregnancies full of energy enough for both!

My personal experience is that I am sad but glad I stopped as it had become a demand and pregnancy has demanding in itself. I am due to have baby any time now and really looking forward to starting again.

[braid]

I stopped bfing my dd2 when I was about 16weeks into this pregnancy. I'm now about 28 weeks. I stopped because it was getting so painful with more sensitive nipples. She had by then started to sleep thru the night and I had worked to stop her falling asleep on the boob. I would feed her and she would then go into her cot and say night night while I sat a little while. I also started giving her a little weetabix at night. (She's not great at drinking warm milk.) So we had a new routine established for bed time. I said to her that I had no more milk and it was remarkably easy. My advice is to pick a time you feel comfortable with and then in all liklihood you will make it OK for your wee one. I did consider doing it sooner but I knew it was going to be too fraught and I was feeling too ambivalent so in the end didn't. Also people had told me to hand over to hubby for bedtime but I don't think that would have helped for us as it would have been too much change at once. It took about a week for her to stop asking. The other day I was naked after the shower and she pointed at my nipple and said "my suck" with an amused look on her face as if it was very funny that she ever took milk from there. Good luck.

[Elasticwoman]

Do reconsider your reluctance to disappear for the weekend. I did it when my dds were 3 and 1 - the younger one was just weaned before I went and they were both fine.

I did it again when my ds was 20 months and still feeding. My dh maintains he didn't miss me except to point out busty ladies in bikini tops on magazine covers in Smiths and say "Mummy". He was quite happy when I returned but did, however, leap straight back on my lap for a feed the moment I was through the door. It was very funny because dh had generously paid for me to go on this lovely weekend break and I had a great time.

Of course, you know your own dd better than I do, but a break from Mummy did my dc no harm and a break from them did me a lot of good, and I wasn't even pg.

[crace]

Thanks for all the advice, it looks as this is a very varied thing and we will really need to find our own way. I just need to be strong, but kind and it's finding out how to do that.

Thanks again, good advice and very helpful