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So close to giving up

(47 Posts)
10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 02:52:28

My DS is 15 days old, and has been ebf so far but I'm so very close to giving up and giving in to formula (nothing against it in but couldn't feed my DS1 due to prematurity and illness and it meant so much to me to be able to feed DS2.

During the day he feeds pretty much 2 hourly, for around 30 mins each time. At night, however, he starts to cluster feed around 7pm and continues through the night. He will not be put down at all between feeds and I am beyond exhausted. I feel sick I am that tired. He usually feeds through until around 6am when DH takes over. I sometimes get a reprieve between 2-4am but tonight he is showing no signs of stopping,

DH has been off on paternity and he has been giving me an hours sleep in the morning and sorting out the school run, however he starts back at work today and won't be able to help: DS2 has been feeding consistently between 7.30-815. I have no idea how I'm going to get us up and dressed and out the door on time, let alone function with literally no sleep.

I knew it would be hard, but I can't cope anymore and think I'm going to have to switch to formula so DH can help overnight. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just needed to rant!

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 02:54:08

I have tried to co-sleep and to feed lying down. DS just wakes as soon as I stop feeding him and screams to go back on the boob.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 16-Oct-17 02:57:59

Mix feeding? Some formula or expressed milk at night so that DH can take over some feeds? If breastfeeding is important to you I really would try this first.

How is your supply? Is he feeding effectively (gaining weight)?

PanannyPanoo Mon 16-Oct-17 03:01:56

Its so tough. It will get better. It doesn't have to be all or nothing either you could combi feed so you still have the convenience of breast feeding and the flexibility for your partner to feed him too
Whatever you decide it isn't giving up. Its coping the best you can.
If you are a few mins late out the door it isn't a massive deal though.
He is still very little and things change so quickly. Hope you get some rest soon.

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 03:11:59

I just feel like crying.

He was 8lb 8oz born and dropped to 7lb 15oz in first 5 days (7%) but back up to 8lb 4oz by 10 days which midwife happy with. He didn't have a poo for 6 days though so ended up in hospital for a glycerin chip. He then went another 3 days before going by himself but does look constipated and unconfortable tonight.

He's also jaundiced and back in hospital today for his prolonged jaundice test.

He's tongue tied but his apt for the snip isn't until 12 th Dec although midwife and infant feeding team say they don't think it is affecting his feeding.

SandysMam Mon 16-Oct-17 03:24:41

I am up feeding my baby, just wanted to show some solidarity and say you are not alone!! It does sound shit and sleep deprivation is akin to torture. I am no breast feeding expert but fairly certain that if you gave baby to your partner with a bottle of formula for one night, and got a block of sleep you would feel like a new woman. Your tits will be like weeping cannon balls but your brain should feel better and you can resume feeding afterwards. I strongly believe that a lot of PND is linked to sleep deprivation. People think it is acceptable for a mum to go through it but if that leads to her losing the plot then it really isn't! I'm not saying give up, or that you are not going to be exhausted, but 4 hours sleep in the spare room once or twice a week could help keep the wolf from the door.
Also....remember with DS1 how quick this bit goes, it won't last forever!

Cracklesfire Mon 16-Oct-17 03:32:36

It's so hard in the beginning but it does get gradually easier as the days go by. Well done on making it this far. I always found it easier just to think about BF in that immediate 24hr period as anything else was too daunting. Are you getting a chance to nap or at least rest between feeds in the day?

I'm not much help - last time I spent most days in my pyjamas cluster feeding DS, sleep deprived, unshowered and leaking milk everywhere. Is there anybody else who could take your LO to school? Or could you try feeding DS in a sling to let you get organised in the mornings?

Callamia Mon 16-Oct-17 03:51:33

I hear you. This is hard.
My baby is now 11 weeks, so I was lucky to have this stage over the holidays, but I'm now back doing nursery runs in a bit of a blur.

It WILL get better, but if you want to give a feed over to your husband so you can get some rest, then do it. You don't have to do it forever, it doesn't mean that you have to stop breastfeeding entirely, it just gives you an alternative while you feel so wiped out.

It's so hard when your partner goes back to work and you're left doing everything, so please be kind to yourself here. Buy ready meals, get as much help with your eldest as possible and don't do a thing in the evening except rest (and feed). This will get better, but this bit is hard.

Jaggythistle Mon 16-Oct-17 03:55:34

Is there any way to push to get the tongue tie seen to quicker? December is way too long to wait sad

When my oldest had their tie snipped there was an immediate difference in how feeding went - and a lot less screaming. I can't imagine how I'd have coped if I'd had other dc to get ready when he was always crying.

It's possible he's having to feed so much if the TT is stopping him from transferring the milk as effectively.

Can you phone the LLL or NCT bf helpline for a second opinion if midwife etc are not helpful?

ICJump Mon 16-Oct-17 03:59:01

Can you see someone privately for the tounge tie? Constantly feeding can be normal but it can be a baby with a tie trying to get enough milk.

honeysucklejasmine Mon 16-Oct-17 04:07:52

Oh love. You need to get that tt sorted ASAP. DS had his cut at 7 days old and oh the difference! I was ready to pack it all in and use formula but the cut has made such a difference. DS can drain my breasts much more efficiently, there is minimal pain, he's feeding longer and fewer. Was 20 times in 24 hrs, now about 12.

We went private, it was £150. Which is a few weeks worth of formula.

Thundermouse Mon 16-Oct-17 04:17:34

Agree with pp- if you can afford it, get tongue tie cut privately. It will be affecting feeding. Getting it sorted, with some good intensive bf advice and support, transformed things for us. We found a lactation consultant who's also a private midwife here. Cost £180. Make sure they have the tongue tie qualification. She did it quickly on the sofa in our home- no drama/trauma.
www.lcgb.org

Cupcakegirl13 Mon 16-Oct-17 04:27:35

Also just wanted to check in and show support , I'm up with my 6 week old feeding - you are not alone it is so knackering. We are mixed feeding here and it works brilliantly for us , DH does a late night bottle so I can go to bed about 8/9 and have a block of sleep usually till past midnight at least , it makes of lot of difference. Also agree with what pp's have said about bringing forward tongue snip that could make the world of difference. Whatever happens do not feel guilty for whatever feeding choices you make your baby will be fine and you are doing a great job.

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 05:32:38

Thanks all. I managed a couple of hours between 3.15 and 5.15.

I've been swinging between paying private for tongue tie, and waiting, but because he had gained weight said I'd wait. Think I'll push this forward.

I went out to buy a breast pump yesterday with the idea of expressing so dh can give a bottle overnight, but read so much on here about it affecting supply that I left without one.

ICJump Mon 16-Oct-17 08:29:33

Breast pumps can be a great tool but in these early weeks it's likely you'll have to pump overnight anyway which won't give the break you want. Have you had a chat with breastfeeding counsellor?

BaconAndBees Mon 16-Oct-17 09:15:22

Have you had cranial osteopathy? Maybe his head hurts lying down. It was good for us flowers

NameChange30 Mon 16-Oct-17 09:24:57

"He's tongue tied but his apt for the snip isn't until 12 th Dec although midwife and infant feeding team say they don't think it is affecting his feeding."

I knew it was tongue tie before I got to that part! My DS was gaining weight ok but feeding constantly and he had tongue tie.

I am amazed that the "infant feeding team" say it's not affecting his feeding - that's ridiculous; it must be affecting his feeding and the amount of time he spends feeding is proof of that.

Either go back and insist on moving the appointment forward - harass them until they do! - or go private. The association of tongue tie practitioners has a list of registered people on their website.

We got DS's tongue tie divided privately and it was literally the best thing we spent money on, for him and me.

www.tongue-tie.org.uk/Mobile/m-tongue-tie-important-information-for-parents.html

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 09:26:15

Not spoke to a counsellor but saw the feeding team who said latch was fine and it was all normal.

He's not had cranial osteopathy but I have looked into it. During the day he will lie in his pram while I walk him around - would he not cry then as well if it was hurting? I've got the details of a few places and will try them soon.

I've got together some quotes today for private tongue tie, just waiting on availability. I figure it's worth the try.

NameChange30 Mon 16-Oct-17 09:28:10

I can't believe he has jaundice and they're still claiming the tongue tie isn't affecting his feeding. FFS angry

NameChange30 Mon 16-Oct-17 09:28:59

We took DS to an osteopath as well but I don't think it made much difference. It was the TT division that was key.

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 10:08:02

He will feed non stop. We got home from school run at 9 and have been on the couch doing skin to skin and he has fed the entire time.

BertieBotts Mon 16-Oct-17 10:20:27

At this point it's about survival. Don't worry about supply as supply can be adjusted later. Give a bottle if you want to and you feel it would help YOU.

It doesn't matter if the latch looks fine, if it's giving you issues then there is a problem. December is a ridiculous amount of time to wait for division! confused

Worth a read re tongue ties which "aren't causing problems with feeding"

www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2012/01/mild-tongue-tie.html

BertieBotts Mon 16-Oct-17 10:23:29

milkmatters.org.uk/2011/04/15/hidden-cause-feeding-problems/

One theory BTW is that tongue tie is more common these days because we are all advised to take folic acid in early pregnancy which encourages midline growth. Obviously avoiding TT isn't a reason to stop taking folic acid, because the benefits still outweigh the risks, but this is suggested as one reason why babies "never used to" have issues with tongue tie in as many numbers as they seem to today.

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 11:05:45

That's interesting bertie. Both SIL and I were both prescribed extra strength folic acid for health issues, and both our children have tongue ties.

My HV has just been. She agrees that apt is ridiculous and is going to try and move it forward. If she can't, then I'll pay private. She's also going to ring feeding team and get them back out, and ask them to loan me a pump as she believes that expressing is the only way I'll continue as I need a break. DS fed for an hour and half continually while she was here and she thinks it's too much, so has told me to either give formula or express to save my sanity.

DS is still jaundice so it looks like I'm going to have to take him to hospital today for the prolonged tests.

10storeylovesong Mon 16-Oct-17 11:15:07

So HV has pulled some strings and got me a cancellation for 9.30 on Wednesday for tongue tie x

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