Need support weaning 3.5 year old

[yourma]

I started weaning my dd2 yesterday. She hasn't had a feed since Saturday night. We night weaned during the summer but kept up the bedtime feed and several throughout the day.

It's the right time to do for multiple reasons but I'm very sad and so is she

She sobbed for boobie for 20 mins tonight before she fell asleep which is a million miles away from how I have ever parented my kids. I've always avoided tears at bedtime and never sleep trained or anything like it. I lay beside her and comforted her but she was so angry and upset with me.

I can't go back, it's unfair and I am ready after 6 years or pregnancy and breastfeeding to be doing neither.

No point to this post - I'm just sad

[Yesitsmeagain]

I'm confused, you mean a 3.5 month old?

[Lugeeta]

It will take a few days but she will forget how to latch...you have done a great job to feed her till 3.5yo!

[Yesitsmeagain]

Oh, sorry, missed the boobie bit. Thought you were talking about bottles.

I have no experience of extended bfing. Hopefully someone who has will be along soon.

[user1477282676]

It feels like the end of the world but it's just a natural milestone OP. You're not damaging her in any way. She'll get there.

[Solasum]

Could it be worth trying a dummy, for bedtime only? Might lessen the impact a bit, then down the line you can pierce it so it doesn't suck properly and she will lose interest

[yourma]

Thanks!

My parenting up till now could be described as "it will happen when they're ready". And to date it has worked but I honestly do not think she would wean until she lost the ability to latch and I just can't do another 2-3 years of it.

I guess weaning a child off a soother or bottle (and I know plenty of 3 year olds who still get both) would be equally difficult. I suppose the difference with boob is you can hide a soother, but you can't hide a mother

[CatsCantFlyFast]

Could you find her something to help comfort her/transfer her attachment? A new comforter or something that can be explained - no milk anymore but x is here to cuddle when you want it? (Sounds a crap idea as I write it but I'm wracking my brains). We dropped one feed at a time until we were down to a single feed a day and then we spoke at length about how many more days were left before we stopped. It didn't stop her asking but I'd dropped all of the more important feels (overnight and bedtime and morning) by that stage which were harder than dropping the last feed iyswim. Although that's no help to you. Hope it's easier tomorrow. I think it's ok for her to be sad btw, as long as you're there to help her through it

[yourma]

Solasmum - I've actually tried a soother on and off over the years. The last time when she was 2.5 and she never took it ever. She seems to have an abnormally large attachment to the boob. I love her with all my heart but she has nearly broken me a few times with her neediness. She only slept in 45 mins stretches for the first 18 months of life. She now mostly sleeps through in her own bed so we got there in the end but I was so hard

[TeaCakeLiterature]

Sorry I can't offer support, but I wanted to say how inspiring to have fed your baby that long! I've only been feeding for 5months and I'm loving it - but will miss it so much when I go back to work...I hope he'll keep up a morning and night feed for as long as he likes as I love the feeding snuggles!
Must be so hard for you and DD but you've done an amazing job!!!

[AlwaysYes]

Poor you, she will be fine. Have you a partner that could do bed time with her? That's what I did and we were all much happier at bedtime.

[yourma]

My husband is more than willing to do bedtime and she sleeps for him no problem but I feel this is something I need to do to break the association.

She has a few teddies she likes so maybe I'll start pushing one as her bedtime buddy tomorrow - thanks for that suggestion.

Thanks for all the supportive posts. It's helping clarify my feelings on it. I was wavering after such an upsetting bedtime but my reasons for stopping haven't gone away

[yourma]

Tea cake- I have worked mostly full time since she was 5.5 months old. Keeping up the feeding was such a positive bonding thing for us. She is a high needs kid and would have been no matter how I fed her

Before going back to work you should do a little research on reverse cycling so you're prepared

[Sleepysally]

Wow, sounds like you've done an amazing job OP. Well done to you. You are right to be firm on your decision, now you have taken the step it is only fair to you both that you stick with it. Could some kind of reward/sticker/inventive work? To give a positive association with boob free bed time. Just a thought.