How do you cope with a toddler who wants to breastfeed ALL the time?

[baubleweed]

I am confident in my decision to keep bfing my 14m old, and I know it meets emotional as well as nutritional needs.

But she is sooooo clingy - every time I walk into a room and sit down she wants to feed. For the first 12 months she only ever fed one boob at a time - now she wants both every time. She will feed every hour some days.

I just feel my body isnt my own anymore. I am practicising 'dont offer, dont refuse', and she gets very upset if I do refuse or offer food instead.

Anyone been in the same boat? How long does it last?

[nothercules]

It seems like forever. You have to be strict and ignore the pleas.

[StinkyPete]

what's don't offer don't refuse?

[baubleweed]

Its the start of weaning - supposedly the gentlest way for the child so that they give up the feeds when they are ready.

But sometimes I have to do something and she has to wait, and doesnt like it.

I dont like being strict, I dont like ignoring her when she is upset.

[nothercules]

I dont know any other way than that tbh and I'm certainly not a strict person.

[RantInEMinor]

hmmm. i'm not familiar with the "don't offer don't refuse" thing. i bf'd my ds for 3 years and the only advice i can give is that once you initiate any change in the feeding "schedule" then stick to it and ignore the pleas. you need to be consistent. i remember when I cut out night feeds altogether on account of none of us ever getting any bloody sleep at all!!!!!! ds went crackers and I was sorely tempted to give in but the thought of messing him around like that seemed so unfair. i made a decision and had to stick to it. eventually we cracked it and dropped the night feeds altogether. It took as long it took iykwim. it seems like an age when you are in the midst of it but eventually it is over.

[Twiglett]

well unless you lay some ground rules how is she ever going to knjow what is acceptable .. children need to be taught how to respond to 'no' as well you know

of course its different strokes for different folks but personally would feed morning and evening only

but unless you are willing to lay down the parameters for what you feel is acceptable then you'll just have to be lead by your toddler ... which is arse about tit (if you'll excuse the expression .. it just seemed apt )

[hortense]

As with all things children have to have boundaries....whilst wanting a child to feel loved and secure as well as nourished, there comes a time when you have to say NO...it's not always easy. I am no expert other than being a mum of five chldren....but the only promise I can gve you is that this is just the start of big decisions to make and to stick by! Good Luck!!

[Tatties]

You need Franny for this!

My ds is nearly 21mo, I bf on demand and I know exactly what you are going through. This 'intense' feeding peaked a few months ago, but I think it is starting to calm down a bit now. Tbh, at this stage I find it much easier to just feed when they want and don't make an issue of it. I know it can get really draining at times for you though. How do you feel about feeding on demand in general? Do you feel ok about it most of the time but occasionally get fed up? Or do you really want to cut feeds down? Because if you feel ok about it most of the time I don't really see the point in introducing arbitrary feed times. It won't be like this forever, and she will gradually cut down by herself. In the meantime there's always a sympathetic ear hear for you

Oh, and I would really recommend you read Mothering your Nursing Toddler.

[yellowrose]

baubleweed - I guess all children are different and it may be that it is not just bf that is the issue. does your child spend much time in the care of others ? has anything changed in your circumstances/life style recently that has made her feel insecure ?

My DS is now 2.5 years old and still bf. I find he gets very clingy only when he is teething (like right now, all 4 of his last teeth are coming out at the same time, poor child !) or when he has a cold. He does just what you describe, the minute I walk into the room, esp. in the mornings he wants to climb up and bf. Quite often it involves very strange positions, like sitting and feeding from the opposite boob !

Once whatever is upsetting him goes away, he stops being as demanding. Most days he only feeds 3 - 4 times a day and only at set times. The older he gets in fact the less demanding he becomes.

Yes, I agree with the don't offer and don't refuse thing too. I don't ever refuse verbally (because I am not trying to wean him), but have had to use distraction when it wasn't convenient to feed him at that exact point in time ; )

I hope it gets easier for you soon !

[baubleweed]

Tatties, I read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler a few months ago and it was really good and said that toddlers nursing like newborns is totally normal.

I felt okay about the 'on demand' nature of it until it got too demanding iykwim. Also cant help thinking she's filling up on milk and therefore not eating much food, except oranges and raisins and the chocolate my relatives have been pushing on her over christmas.

I know what you mean about introducing arbitrary feed times - there have never been specific feed times so if I cut out one feed at a time, then I wouldnt know where to start and dd would have no idea why I was saying no sometimes and yes other times.

KVG, yes I too am starting to feel a bit awkward in front of people as dd so unsubtle - she points directly at my boob and says 'that' and then beams at everyone else in the room. If I could put it down to a developmental 'burst' and know it would only last a few more weeks it would be tolerable. But the idea of months and months of being a pure milking machine is quite honestly a drag.

thanks for responding - it helps to know that others have had similar and that it doesnt last ever

[Tatties]

And I forgot to say - you are doing a wonderful thing for you dd.

[baubleweed]

RantinEminor, I too am thinking of cutting night feeds not because I want to or think that she 'should' sleep through, but also because I am so bloody tired I hate it. I know it wouldnt happen without distress and you have a point about not starting unless willing to carry right through.

twiglett she knows exactly what 'no' means - she is constantly exploring every aspect and item in my house, chasing the cats, dialing numbers on the phones, flushing things down the toilet! The feeding is different because its such a basic emotional and nutritional need and so I would rather distract or delay rather than just start imposing random rules about when she can and cant feed. Its just I havent been doing distract or delay very well obviously.

[baubleweed]

same here with the teething yellowrose, but dd seems to teeth really slowly - there hardly seems to have been a month when there werent teeth trying to come through!

and yes she has got more clingy bf-wise since she started going to CM 2 days per week in October. But she stays that way even when she has had me to herself for a good 3-4 days in a row.

[popsycal]

o am feeding my 22 minth old ds2 and have just had a very intense period fuelled by illness over the last month
however, since christmas day i have had to be quite strict as he was asking to be fed everytime i entered the room
fortunately, he only ever asks when we are at home and have been away most of this week so we are back to morning and evening feeds

i know what you mean about refusing - but i have reached the point where he asked ALL the time

decide when you want to feed him and try to distract. go out and about

[Tatties]

You are right Baubleweed, saying 'no' to feeding is completely different. It's not a case of just saying 'no' and the child having to accept it. If my ds asks for a feed (and can't be distracted if it's inconvenient for me) it's because he needs it and nothing else will do. It's a form of comfort and nutrition he is dependent upon and I don't think it's fair to deny it without good reason.

[popsycal]

agree with youtatties that it is different saying no to feeding than to anything else

i had to do it for my own sanity
now to crack the night feeding
again
sigh

[maisym]

I've had this - I just let them bf as they want - soon they'll be too interested in other things to stop what they're doing to bf. Also a short comfort suck is reassuring.

[Tatties]

I am still feeding at night too

[popsycal]

i was
then i wasnt
and now i am again

[baubleweed]

popsycal how come you are feeding at night again? I read your triumphant sleeping through thread a few months ago.

[popsycal]

hmm
yes
he got bronchiolitis
then a vomitting bug
and didnt eat for 5 days and came into bed with me
which of course for ds2 is open buffet


been promising myself for thw last week that i wol dtackle this
maybe tonight is the night....

[baubleweed]

oh no
good luck again

[popsycal]

well i didnt bother

good luck bauble weed

[Parys456]

my daughter constantly on me One years old and she sucked me dry constantly breastfeeding and I feel like she don’t wanna kiss me all she cares about is Bing my best