DS2 is 3.5 weeks old. I was desperate to make bf work this time having failed to bf DS1 and becoming very down as a result. Things seemed to start well, however DS2 lost weight resulting in us being put on a feeding plan. I then found feeding increasingly painful and we found out he had tongue tie. I carried on feeding, expressing and topping up with formula - we give top ups in a bottle as cup feeding was no longer doable. Had tt snip last Tues and was hoping for a big change, however initially things got much worse with baby refusing to latch at all for 24 hrs. Following the tt I had to give him a bottle as he wouldn't latch, I was devastated, the lady who did the tt snip just said 'oh it's because you gave him a bottle' and left us to it. I have since managed to work to get him back to latching on at every feed ,however it is a masive struggle, he gets angry at the breast and even when i do latch him on he pulls back on the nipple and writhes around. I despair that this is ever going to work, I am going to a support group and health visitor came yesterday and was sympathetic but couldn't offer any answers. At the support group my latch was observed and i was told it was fine and he was feeding well, however overnight last night I could hardly get him to latch on at all and he pulled off several times during each feed. I have been pumping and feeding him as frequently as possible to maintain my supply, I don't think I have loads of milk but this morning I had to give baby a bottle as he just would not latch on and both of my breasts were leaking milk as I was feeding him - so demoralising! Sorry for massive post, just need to hear any advice or encouragement at this point. I have spent a lot of the last few days in tears, I know the midwife and DH are worried about my mh, I am almost at the point of giving up but don't want to be consumed by guilt and misery if I do.
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On the verge of giving up bf, any advice? Can we make it work?
ClemFandango · 28/11/2015 12:44
sounds like you've had a really crap experience + not much support/useful advice. I don't have any experience of tongue tie, but have you tried the national breastfeeding helpline/association of breastfeeding mothers. I think there's a phone no and email to contact (I'll try to link below if I can find it). Hope someone comes along with more practical advice. Don't beat yourself up for doing the beat you can, just take every feed/day at a time.
I agree, get some phone support, call every day if you need to while getting BF established. It's early days, now is the time to get the support in - the few bottles shouldn't have significantly compromised supply at this stage, I think you have till around 6 weeks to establish supply.
La Leche League is another one. Definitely get specialist breastfeeding, not just HV, advice, from numerous sources if needed.
Please don't be disheartened if it doesn't work though - formula is a great thing, a life saver, can raise a lovely healthy baby on it! (I look back at my long struggle with breastfeeding and sometimes wish I'd just FF instead of devoting my entire energy to BF all those months).
and congratulations on your new baby.
Both of mine screamed and screamed and SCREAMED their way through their first nine or ten weeks, and were boob monsters thereafter (15mo DS2 is on the boob as we speak 
). It makes me sad when people say that part of the reason they felt breastfeeding didn't work for them was 'because my baby hated it'. Well, no. That's normal baby behaviour when establishing feeding. It has just been collectively forgotten due to the vast majority of people turning to bottle feeding in the first difficult days. As a culture, a settled, quiet baby is 'normal' and 'healthy' to us and the fast route to that is a bottle.
Next time he won't latch on, try:
- stripping down so you're skin to skin
- get your little finger in his mouth so that the pad of your finger is in the roof of his mouth
- try and walk around a bit if he still won't settle
- get him in a position where you could latch him on
- try and swap your finger for your nipple - get him 'mid-suck' as it were.
White noise and a dimly-lit room may also help with the above (mimic womb conditions, basically)
You may need to repeat this several times, but do persist. If he's fed 90 minutes previously, he's not going to starve if he has to wait a bit longer to get the hang of latching.
Try also Googling 'suck training'.
Maybe throw in breast feeding as an added search term so you don't end up with anything dodgy...
Well done OP. It is so, so hard. If you can get through it, the sense of achievement is absolutely indescribable, so I can only imagine that if you really want to feed and can't, the opposite is true.
If I had my way, I would completely overhaul pre-natal breastfeeding classes. They present breastfeeding as this easy natural thing, with just a bit of extra feeding needed. They do it so they can encourage as many people as possible to try it. Bullshit, I say. Bullshit.
I think they just need to write-off trying to convince the 'my boobs are for my boyfriend' brigade - if you can even talk them into taking it up, they'll never stick with it anyway.
Their uptake of breastfeeding stats may get worse, but I think rates for those who continue would improve if they just tell it like it is, so that we can, as a culture, re-learn normal breastfed baby behaviour:
- when they say 'frequent feeding', it doesn't mean two hourly as opposed to four. We're talking upwards of 18 times in a 24 hour period. THIS IS NORMAL. It doesn't mean you're not producing enough milk.
- CLUSTER FEEDING. Nobody tells you about cluster feeding. You put them down on their back in a nice 'safe sleep' position in their own cot? They scream and want to feed again. All night. THIS IS NORMAL. Here are detailed instructions on exactly how to co-sleep safely to maintain sanity, not just a blanket ban on bed sharing.
- babies scream their tits off when learning to breastfeed. They hate it - of course they do. They've had effort-free feeding through their navel for nine months, of course they're going to object to having to come to grips with something like continuous sucking while also sensing that mum is stressed. THIS IS NORMAL. Here is how you calm babies down using skin to skin, dim lighting, swaddling, white noise and sucking, then you try again, and again and again. And ditch the guilt-inducing crap about 'crying is a really late feeding sign that they're hungry'. Thanks. Got it. Show the early feeding signs only and park it.
And while I'm on my soapbox and setting the breastfeeding world to rights, weight gain! Arrrrgh! It is just something for new parents to get terrified about and breast feeding is the first thing to get blamed if the numbers don't go completely in the right direction. I was SO LUCKY in that when DS1 lost 11% of his birthweight, the midwives looked less at the numbers and more at the squalling, pooing, weeing baby in front of them and advised switch feeding, then, because my nipples were shredded, cup-fed top-ups of EBM. Their guidelines told them to admit to hospital (where he would almost certainly have been put on formula); their common sense told them to trust the evidence and resources in front of them which has kept babies alive for millennia.
^^ None of this is aimed at you OP. I think you're doing a terrific job and your desire to feed is palpable. I just think the vast majority of women feel they are unable to breastfeed due to basic misunderstandings that need to be sorted from the get-go, and it breaks my heart, so I'm ranting for the benefit of the lurkers
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