Unhelpful comments from parents about bf(15 Posts)
Just wanted to rant really. My parents are visiting and every time I bf my 8 week old ds they tell me he doesn't need feeding.
'Oh he can't need more milk!'
'Here let me walk about with him'
'He just needs distracting'
'Does he really want feeding again?!'
'You shouldn't feed him when he has hiccups'.
Argh! It's driving me mad. I'm feeding on demand. I know his hungry cues. I don't want to wait until he's screaming! I'm very happy cluster feeding in the evenings. It doesn't bother me at all. I bf my dd until she was 2 years old. I know what I'm doing. I wish they'd let me get on with it and stop trying to be 'helpful'. I know they just want more baby cuddles. They don't get to see the kids very often.
Sorry rant over.
How would they react, do you think, if you said that to them?
Or a simple "Don't worry about it, I know what I'm doing"
The problem is that people think they have a right to advise, and think they're right. Even though they're not and unsolicited advice is irritating.
When they had you they will have been told that the correct method is to feed you every 4 hours and no more. They is what they think is correct and they think your winging it or don't know what you're doing. You could send them links to kellymom or explain that the advice has changed as a result of research into the mechanisms behind milk production and milk digestion.
Just say :You need to feed frequently at this age because it stimulates good milk
production, particulaly in creating the prolactin receptors that help you up your milk supply in 3 months time.
Argh! I feel your pain. My dad is always saying to my baby ' don't worry little one, when mummys not looking we will give you a bottle.' Gggrrrr
I feel your pain. My parents were exactly like this. At 6 months my mil keeps trying to get us to formula feed so she can feed the baby as she's missing out.
My DM tried to argue with a HV about giving newborn cooled boiled water.
It's a little patronising to assume all grandparents slavishly believed 4 hour feeding (especially if we don't know them).
Almost like assuming EVERY parent now breastfeeds on demand till 6 months then does Karmel or BLW to the letter.
If it wasn't feeding it would be sleep!
Someone's child having a child is an emotional leap - they've grown up but many grandparents want to support so much they try to help to the extent of accidentally taking over!
My folks are fine about feeding but naps and exercise. ..!
They are being rude, plain and simple.
Continuous comments about 'can't be hungry' (or stuff about giving a bottle when mummy's not looking - WTF???) are incredibly bad manners.
When these situations are described on mumsnet, I'm afraid I am flabbergasted that adult women allow their parents (or anyone else) to talk to them in that way.
It might be hard to bite the bullet and tell them to stop, but GROW UP and do it
Had similar from MIL
Just keep saying you know your baby better than anyone & this is how breastfeeding works. Reinforce that you already have a DC who you breastfed & that you know what you are doing.
Bonus points of you can say it with a smile!
It will pass! I remember telling a visitor that I was determined to breastfeed & wasn't going to stop trying until we cracked it within MIL earshot & that is when she finally gave up with her comments.
Baby would be fussing - grandparent would be bouncing/rocking/talking about wind. While I sat with the magic remedy attached to me growing more and more annoyed/upset depending on the day. It certainly didn't happen with my second dc, but it can be hard to stand up to the "experts" with your pfb.
Don't get into a discussion about advice on breastfeeding etc, just close it down and say 'it's fine. But could you please make me a cup of tea? Could you organise dinner for dc1?' Give them specific ways they can help you and I bet that will improve the stress levels all around.
8 week old are a bit thankless aren't they - they don't sleep for hours on anyone like newborns do and they just want milk and parent. It's not worth playing pass the baby, they'll bond plenty in later months. Dd1 was about 9 months before she was okay with either grandparents. Now at 3 there's a mutual love fest. Dd2 is 15 weeks and still hates anyone who isn't me or dh -it's normal!
squizita I didn't mean to be patronising. Maybe I expressed myself badly. I know not all people slavishly followed the 4 hour rule. My in-laws didn't for example and I found them exceedingly supportive and helpful when I breastfed. My dm, on the other hand. Hmm. She was given bad advice on breastfeeding in the 70s: you won't be able to as you've had a saline drip (dc1). Your baby is too sleepy. Give her a bottle (dc2) your baby has jaundice so she is allergic to your bm (dc3). She hated that I bf my two.
I realise gp aren't all the same in their attitudes, far from it. Opinions and experiences will be as diverse as among parents (and don't we get some bun fights on MN). I really didn't mean to patronise. I loved how involved and helpful my in - laws have been.
My FIL was like this.. 'She can't possibly need feeding again, she needs distracting'. I just smiled and nodded and carried on doing what I was doing. FWIW my MIL is 61 and was told to BF on demand so don't know where he's got that idea from. I think they just forget.
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