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Feel SO guilty for thinking about stopping bf...

(16 Posts)
Inbl00m Thu 13-Nov-14 15:15:43

I never intended to bf, but gave it a go as DH, NHS and NCT convinced me of the benefits. Still ebf 10 weeks in but hating every moment of it. My supply won't settle down and I've not managed to have even 1 day without engorgement. I've tried cabbage, block feeding, wearing supportive nursing bras, not wearing them, not expressing, hand expressing a bit for comfort, etc., but no joy. Have fed through blocked ducts, mastitis, hospitalisation and suspected abscess a few weeks ago but feel like I'm at the end of my tether due to the constant discomfort of engorgement. Dd has been sleeping through pretty much for the past couple of weeks and it just seems to be getting worse. I spend ALL the time either complaining to poor DH about my bf worries or desperately googling what to try next instead of enjoying spending time with dd.

As somebody who would have ff by choice from the start without a second thought I'm surprised to find I now feel insanely guilty about considering a switch to ff and am constantly wracked with worry about the effect it could have on dd. Am I going mad??

AlexD72 Thu 13-Nov-14 18:32:53

Stop worrying and switch to ff if you really are suffering. I know it's the guilt thing if you switch but if you make that choice then don't feel bad and just enjoy time with your DD.
Nobody tells you about the constant guilt as a Mother. It can really bring you down... Or ...... you can just say I'm doing what is best.... Next hurdle please!

Theherbofdeath Thu 13-Nov-14 18:46:08

The first few weeks are the most important. I'd let it go now if it's that hard.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 13-Nov-14 18:50:39

Switch to formula and don't give it a second thought. Happy mum plus fed baby. What's to feel bad about. Mother hood shouldn't mean sacrificing your physical and mental health. Not when there are perfectly viable alternative that allow you to not only have a break but relieve you of the dread that is the next feed and pain it causes.

you have done great. Don't you dare feel guilty about stopping thanks

CaramellaDeVille Thu 13-Nov-14 18:53:26

Not trying to talk you I to or out of anything, but just to say I've breasted two babies and both times things got MUCH better at 12 weeks. I had such a problem with my supply, fast letdown, engorgement and blocked ducts. First 12 weeks were a nightmare both times, after that the easiest thing in the world.
Just another perspective. Well done for persevering for as long as you have and if you want to make the switch, just go for it.

Inbl00m Fri 14-Nov-14 13:22:50

Thanks everyone. Feeling a bit better today and marginally less like I'm cracking up thanks to your wise words.

Caramella thanks for the different perspective. Can I ask what changed at 12 weeks to make everything easier? I'm finding it hard to imagine as people have said it gets easier from so many different milestones (10 days, 6 weeks, etc.) but I'm yet to see a difference so am finding it hard to imagine a happy ebf future!

leedy Fri 14-Nov-14 15:31:13

I found a lot settled down around 3 months as well - I had horrendous oversupply with DS1 and it just seemed to get less ... gushy. Suddenly I wasn't leaking so much, he was better able to deal with the flow, I didn't feel constantly at risk of blocked ducts, etc., and the feeds also spaced out a lot. So, pretty much what Caramella said!

Inbl00m Fri 14-Nov-14 18:36:14

Thanks leedy. Did you find it changed overnight? I keep thinking my supply is settling down then all of a sudden I'm more engorged than ever. Wondering whether it's because dd is really pukey so some days she feeds double the amount to make up for how sick she's been confused

CaramellaDeVille Fri 14-Nov-14 21:04:06

Ugh just tapped out a long reply and it got lost.
Yes it felt like it happened overnight and everything changed for the better. Both times.
No engorgement, no more fast letdown which meant no more pulley babies. No more pain. And a more reliable routine emerged. It was just easy after the 12 week mark.

CaramellaDeVille Fri 14-Nov-14 21:04:31

Pukey babies, not pulley. Apologies for any other typos.

leedy Fri 14-Nov-14 21:33:03

Yes, same here - suddenly it just seemed much easier.

Tzibeleh Fri 14-Nov-14 21:43:36

You've done awesomely well to get this far. It's feeling worse now because your dc has started sleeping through and your body is readjusting to produce less milk at night. It will settle down.

I, too, found bfing incredibly hard work at first. This magical six weeks that it was supposed to take to establish - ha ha ha. It took me about 12 weeks, and then everything got gradually easier.

If you choose to move over to ff, please do it very gradually. Over at least a month or two to minimise your emgorgement and other 'discomforts' wink. No cold turkey!

You might even find that you enjoy bfing once you're down to only 1 or 2 bfs per day. It's not all-or-nothing. Whatever works for you. And if you decide to stop bfing completely, you can be pleased that you've given them the best start possible and proud of yourself for doing so.

stargirl1701 Sat 15-Nov-14 10:19:20

Hi OP. I'm in the same boat! My DD2 is 12 weeks old. My right breast has settled but not the left.

Ideas here:
www.llli.org/faq/oversupply.html

I used soya lecithin to prevent blocked ducts as I was extending the block feeding time. It worked really well but I was allergic so I switched to sunflower lecithin.

girliefriend Sat 15-Nov-14 10:25:54

I agree with the pp who said things do settle down at 12 weeks, I was the same and did 'give up' on several occasions but through sheer bloody mindedness gave it another go and at about 12 weeks things finally fell into place.

I should add that I did combine with ff esp in the evening when I was knackered. It may have effected my supply but I was able to combine bf and ff for 11 months in the end. That was far longer than I had originally thought I would manage!!

bambinibop Sat 15-Nov-14 10:30:44

I agree with those that say it can suddenly get a lot easier. This happened to me around the 12 week mark too. My supply settled right down so that I wasn't always worrying about leaking and changing breastpads, dd wasn't feeding as often so I got a break, the let down wasn't as fast anymore so dd could cope better with feeding so less fussing. Then it just got so much easier after that. And I'm still going at 8.5 months, dd now only feeds 3 or 4 times a day, no pain or discomfort, no fussing and no breast pads required. Sometimes in the early days just getting through one day at a time was what I focused on. Good luck and don't feel guilty you've done so well.

stargirl1701 Sat 15-Nov-14 11:03:55

13 weeks tomorrow...it's still a PITA here, I'm afraid. I'm sick of leaking. Sick of it.

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