I'm cutting her off. This is hard.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

This morning after yet another night of being mawled and clawed and wrestled all night I looked at my youngest daughter and said "that's it. This is the very last feed you are ever having."

And we've had a really busy day and it hasn't been an issue. But now it's bed time (we're a few hours ahead of UK) and she's upstairs with my husband, screaming her little head off.

I have not had a nights sleep for years. I am not enjoying it anymore. Some weeks it just hurts to feed her - like newborn madness with sore nips and bleeding.

I rocked her to sleep but she woke up when I tried to put her down. Husband managed to get her back to sleep and we crouched motionless in the dark for 15 minutes. She woke up when we tried to silently leave the room. She is screaming for me and saying her word for milk. She is 2 years and 1 month old.

I'm only writing this for something to do while I sit on the stairs.

[weebairn]

Good luck and I hope the next few days are ok for you all.
You've done a lovely thing for your daughter in feeding till 2 years, that's amazing.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Thank you. She's sleeping in her bed now.

[fhdl34]

You've done fantastically well feeding her to now. It must be torture listening to her cry but she'll be ok. My dd cried for a week when my supply dropped in early pregnancy but she got through it

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Well that could have been a lot worse.

She went from about 8 to 4 which is better than she does most nights with milk. Then she got in to my bed and screamed and fought for an hour while i tried to cuddle and shush her and then she went back to sleep in my bed for an hour and a half. We got up about 6.30.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Husband has taken her out for the morning.

My boobs are sore.

I am wondering if I regret that her last feed was an annoying, wriggly, exasperating one, instead of a beautiful sleepy snuggly one.

[Sunnydaysablazeinhope]

Nah over time you won't. You just remember the nice ones

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Thanks sunny. I'm sure you're probably right. And thank you fhdl for the encouragement.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Bed time again. Day 2. She should be nice and tired. We've been at the beach until quite late. She's not eaten much though. She never does really but I've never bothered because she has milk whenever she wants.

Today she ate...
A yogurt drink.
Half a banana.
A cookie.
Some gummy candies.
Grapes.
Humus.
5 fries.
Banana milk.
3 bites of sandwich.
An inch of cheese

I know I'm just wittering to myself here but thats fine and it helps to be able to talk about it. It is such a huge thing going on in my life and I can't even mention it to family or friends.

[supportworker]

It is huge, you have taken a bit of yourself back and I think you should be really proud of yourself.

There is this theory in the 'attached' community that it is a childs 'choice' alone when they stop breastfeeding but having spent time with lots of mammals - Donkeys, horses, goats etc, I have found that actually it is far more to do with the mother saying 'no more!' than us humans like to believe.

This is an important step for both of you, be proud of what you have achieved and the person you have grown, now its time to grow her with other things!

[SpiderRoaster]

I'll listen to you witter on ssh

I recommend taking her to buy a new "big girls milk beaker" for bedtime tomorrow. And that's the one that "cold milk" goes in.

I stopped at 30 months with lots of communication and distraction. When she asked for my milk, she was offered another drink or a cuddle (or both). We ended up having lots of cuddles

Keep offering snacks, don't worry about specific meal times, she'll eat if she's hungry.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Thank you both.

Bedtime is not going well.

We did lots of books and lots of drinking water. When she asked for milk I just said it was finished and offered water or distracted her. I rocked her to sleep which took a long time and a lot of crying, though mostly whingy crying and not much rage thank goodness. Then she woke up when I moved and husband has been trying to soothe her since. It probably hasn't been as long as I think it has. I'm not used to hearing her cry. She is so so tired.

It doesn't help that my boobs are rock hard and sore which makes all the cuddling and rocking challenging.

Goodness me. This is no fun.

support if I had waited for ds to decide to stop I don't think he ever would have! He was 3 when I insisted but it wasn't hard like this because we could discuss it and agree (and bribe reward him with a 'Big Boy' toy). A mummy horse would have told him to sod off long before that, you're quite right!

Okay. Dh has just given me the thumbs up. She's asleep in her bed and I'm going to have that glass of wine now spider.

[supportworker]

Enjoy that wine!

Have you thought about giving her milk in a beaker instead?

My 3 year old still has milk to fall asleep with, its just not attached to me! Don't forget to pump a bit (even just hand pump) if you need to.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

She does have milk in a beaker but she's not madly excited about it. What she loves are those little Actimel drinks. I would make that her bedtime drink but its a bit sugary. Perhaps we could do story and Actimel, then teeth, then water and bed.

Last night was pretty awful. She woke at midnight and had a huge meltdown asking for a feed. Then the rest of the night she was just a bit restless and whiny - half sleeping while wriggling around in the central 90% of the bed, dh and I clinging silently to the edges.

Left boob is calming down a bit. Right boob is still rock hard and sore. Hope I'm not getting a blocked duct.

[deepinthewoods]

Do take care of yourself. stopping breastfeeding cold turkey can risk mastitis. If you are sore then express just a little to relieve the pressure.

[weebairn]

Been thinking of you Shh and hoping this was going ok. If you're getting hard and sore, I found hot baths/showers, ibuprofen and a bit of expressing and massage the best things. Watch out for mastitis though

Just also wanted to mention a few of my friends who've stopped breastfeeding felt extremely low for a few days afterwards - I think it is the hormonal change - similar to the baby blues. It passes in a few days I think but just wanted to give you the heads up.

It will get easier

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

Thank you deep and weebairn. All encouragement hugely appreciated.

I had not thought of taking painkillers. Good tip! It helped.

No mastitis yet, and no redness so perhaps it's just engorgement and not a blocked duct. Still extremely sore.

My little girl is doing brilliantly. She barely asked for milk today, we had no screaming fits about it, and she went to sleep in my arms with no crying in about 10 minutes. Colour me astonished.

I definitely feel a bit hormonal and emotional. I find myself feeling grateful when she gives me a cuddle when I've been so mean and taken away her beloved mama milk. Silly.

Hope tonight goes better than last night. Thanks for reading.

[weebairn]

How was last night Shhh?

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

I can't believe I'm saying this: she slept in her own bed from 9pm until 7am!!! I woke up in a total panic and went racing in to her room to check on her!

[notapizzaeater]

That's fantastic x

[moreyear]

Oh my goodness that is fantastic Shhthebaby. You mustn't know yourself this morning.

I am approaching this stage myself with my 22 month old; I'm not able to ignore her plaintiff wails of 'huggy, huggy, huggy yet but slowly inching closer.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

I still get asked for huggy but she seems to have stopped boob diving as soon as she wriggles onto my lap. I'm tentatively daring to sit down in my own house while she's around...

[SpiderRoaster]

You sound like you've had the same result as me 3 months ago. I thought dd would be a nightmare but it really wasn't too bad. Have some to celebrate? and some too.

Are you going to treat yourself with a present for feeding for 2 years? I think you've save at least a tenna a month by breastfeeding I brought one of those Bose bluetooth speakers as my 'well done for feeding' presents

[weebairn]

Wonderful, so happy for you :)

[Skygirls]

Watching thread with interest as my dd is now 18 months and seeming to have no intention of stopping bf at night and first thing when she wakes up.

[Shhthebabyisasleep]

I love a good made up present excuse. Over the last decade I've racked up 6 1/2 years of breast feeding ( racked up - heh). Surely I've earned a fortnight in Honolulu?

Today has been fine. She asked for milk once (when my boob fell out of my frock) and was easily fobbed off with "ooh look an aeroplane".

Bedtime wasn't as quick as last night but she was down before 8. We did stories then quite a bit of rocking. She transferred into her bed easily.

It does occur to me that the end goal should be falling asleep by herself, but oh well, I'll gratefully take rocking over 24/7 boob gnawing.

Let's see how she sleeps tonight. Fingers crossed.