1 year old bf baby, bad habits, help!!

[Cupcakemummy85]

I need help. I'm really struggling to correct the bad habits dd has breastfeeding. Dd is 1 in a few days and currently feeds whenever she feels like it, feeds to sleep, pulls at my top, like to have what we call 'after dinner boob' and won't stop crying until she gets it. She has a bottle of milk before bed but then demands breast after.
How will I ever give up feeding her. I know a few if my friends who are breastfeeding their demanding 2 year olds and say its a struggle to stop breastfeeding because their toddler wants it so much. Dd is really feisty and already throws a good tantrum. She will give me hell when I try and stop.
I'm putting her in nursery two mornings a week in march an I have no idea exactly how they will get her to nap without my boob being there.
I know mothers that only feed their children twice a day. I wish I could have that luxury. Dd wakes 1-2 times in the night an that is on a good night.
I'm exhausted and run down from all the feeding and I have a 2.5 year old as well.
Can somebody give me some pointers how to reduce feeding and get dd to sleep without needing me. Perhaps a few people could share their experiences of feeding a toddler. If I was feeding her once a day I wouldn't mind so much. Sorry for the long moan

[ExBrightonBell]

Firstly don't worry about nursery - it's amazing how they adapt to different routines. Plus the nursery staff will have come across all sorts of routines and will be able to help your dd nap etc. I had similar worries with my ds (had only ever fed to sleep) and he has adjusted really well.

With the daytime breastfeeding, it might be worthwhile insisting on some breastfeeding "manners". So no pulling on your top etc, even if she has a tantrum. It will be easier to do it now rather than later on I think. Yes it may be hellish for a while, but if you persist and don't allow her to dictate, you will get there.

[rubyslippers]

I fed until my DD was three years old and she was similar

It did my head in

I was at work all day and she never fed so they do get used to it - went back when she was 8 months

I agree with setting boundaries now and nursing manners

Re the feeding to sleep, have a look at Elizabeth pantley No Cry Sleep Solution and the pantley pull off - it works!

[wokeupwithasmile]

I am feeding my 11-month-old 3 times a day, before sleeps. Before (a couple of months ago) he would bf when hungry and when tired. I have slowed down by always having a bottle of water and one of formula around, so that I can offer him some every half an hour or so. In that way he drinks throughout and I know that it is bf time because he rubs his eyes.
Obviously then I will have to deal with the association sleep-boob, but I will deal with that later and it suits me fine for the moment. Might this be an option to try?

[Cupcakemummy85]

I have been looking at the pattern my dd feeds in and I've noticed bf is like my go to parenting tool. It's the only thing that calms her when she is having a tantrum.
I tried to see if I could get her to self settle today and it went horribly wrong and she ended up getting in a real state. I have no confidence in my parenting abilities and I think this is partly the reason I have carried on breastfeeding.
I think I would like to give up soon but at this point I'm trapped feeding her. She doesn't feed for hunger she feeds for comfort.
Feeling a bit low about things. Both dd and I are having an off day.

[ExBrightonBell]

Sorry you are feeling low today :-(

Maybe try taking things slowly, so during the day try and avoid using breastfeeding for anything other than nutrition. So try comforting her without feeding if she is upset, and only resort to feeding if she really won't be comforted any other way. Decide when you are happy to feed her, and then at other times when you know she is likely to want to, try a snack and a drink, plus lots of distraction.

After a few days of this, if it's going well, then maybe consider night times. It's probably too big a leap to get her to self settle, so you might need to cuddle her to sleep etc, anything apart from feeding.

Regarding your confidence, no-one knows what they are doing as a first time parent! Really they don't. Everyone just muddles along doing what they think best at the time. In my case, I didn't stop feeding my ds - he self weaned at 16 months, and before that he also got to the point where he no longer fed to sleep. I had an unpleasant few nights where I had to work this out, and find a new way of settling him to sleep. But none of this was in my control, it was just that my baby turned out that way.

[TheRaniOfYawn]

It sounds to me as though the only thing that you are doing wrong is finding yourself in a situation that you are unhappy with. Breastfeeding is a fabulous easy to calm a toddler down. My daughter feed every 2 hours round the clock at that age and my take on it was that this was something that was very importance to her and that she needed. I was happy to continue feeding her until she grew out of it (which took a long time) and she is now a happy, bright independent, confident 7 year old whose only sleep problem is a tendency to stay up reading after lights out.

Babies and toddlers will feed lots at home with their mothers and settle just fine with other carers, so that won't be a big deal.

So you aren't doing anything to harm your child. The question is whether this is harming you and it sounds as though it is. What would you like to be different? Do you want to stop breastfeeding, have more time to yourself, only feed at certain times? How can you get those things in a way that works for your family?
Once you have thought of those things you can find a solution that works for you. And come back here to all for advice. Whatever it is you want to do from stopping feeding to reducing feeds to finding alternative ways to calm a tantrumming child there will be someone here who's done it before.