I have had a difficult time with BF, we've had a tongue tie diagnosed and snipped, baby with severe reflux and many medication changes, diagnosed with failure to thrive. In and out of hospital having blood squeezed out of her, weekly weigh ins, elimination diet for me. Then recurrent infective mastitis, followed by thrush. Baby didn't return to birth weight until 11 weeks old, and a fussy, fussy feeder, every feed is on/off on/off with lots of thrashing, screaming, for one four week period she would only be fed if I was stood and walking. Held out to six weeks when I thought it would be better, but it wasn't, then held out to six months, thinking it would be better, but it wasn't. Then held out a bit longer thinking getting used to food would help, but it hasn't, we were advised to wean early but held out to 6m and she is feeding herself very well and eating a lot - but it's still not better. I am back at work, now, part time, and she has expressed milk when I'm not there or formula if I haven't enough. And she's fine with a bottle, and feeds much better, but still doesn't take much volume (2-3oz per feed).
I have decided to stop for definite at least 6 times. But somehow whenever I thinkg of never feeding her again it feels wrong - I don't like BF, I don't enjoy feeding, it's not peaceful, she feeds every hour of the night, is teething and cranky and I'm more tired than I think I've ever been. She's going through nursing strikes now of 3-4 days when she barely feeds and I think it's done and I feel crap. And then she's back again and I feel all nostalgic thinking each feed might be her last and worrying about how I'll afford formula (cash is very tight right now and we only have one bottle and no sterilser, so would have to get the whole lot).
I think my hormones are playing horrible tricks on me. Or I'm trying to prove something? The idea of not feeding her is horrible. The idea of carrying on feeding her is horrible. I keep reminding myself I have to stop sometime, and I'm not failing - please talk some sense into me. What am I doing? I feel like I'm spinning round in circles. Baby is 8m by the way.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.
Infant feeding
It didn't get easier at 6 weeks or even 6 months, why in the hell am I still doing it?
5 replies
IdaClair · 20/04/2013 21:46
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.