Dd hysterical without boob, meant to go away, help!

[neepsntatties]

I don't know what to do. She won't settle in the night with Dh since she was sick last week. I am due to start a course on sat which is very important to me. It means being away for 3 nights. It's really far so not practical for her to come with me.

I feel like I can't leave her. She's fine in the day without me just at night. Dh tried giving her a bottle in the night but she refused it. She's normally fine with one in the day.

I have paid for the course and worked hard to get on it. I can't be sure I will get my money back or that I will be able to do it next year. Will be devastated to give it up but after another failed night with dh trying to settle Dd I don't think I have a choice.

[TanteRose]

how old is she?

[neepsntatties]

8.5 months, should have said. She was much more settled at night before. I went away to matriculate. She did cry but dh hasn't managed more than 2 hours at night this week.

[Tortoiseinadarkspell]

It's unfortunate timing. 8.5 months means that she's going into a sleep regression (the worst of the lot, for a lot of us), and she will be a bit more unsettled after an illness.

Have you been settling her at night this week, or just DH to get her used to him doing it again? Because one of my thoughts is that either of you would find it trickier than usual right now, so it might as well be him.

I mean, bottom line: it's tough. It's going to be tough on your DH, there will be wailing. But neither of them will be permanently scarred by it. They might well find their own rhythm. It's not worth cancelling the seminar over it.

[TanteRose]

tough one...I would say go to the seminar - as Tortoise says, your DH and DD will muddle through and even come out stronger at the end

Go, go - don't waste your money and your hard work

oh and pump while you are there, so you can come back and still breastfeed (if you want to, of course)

[Tortoiseinadarkspell]

Our nine month regression saw my DD refuse, for the first time ever, to settle with or without boob, in our bed or out. It was just a couple of weeks of unadultered hell, really. She was exhausted and miserable and so were we. But you know. You get through things when there's no alternative. We were all fine a week later.

[neepsntatties]

Ah that makes more sense, she's been awful! You don't think it will be a trauma for her then? She just wants me. She's up a lot with me too but less wailing due to boob. Dh is able to settle her once but she wakes again after a little while and gets in an awful state.

[theboobmeister]

Could you take DH and DD away with you?

[neepsntatties]

No where for us all to stay, also have Ds 3.

[theboobmeister]

neeps I think this is a really tough one, because it all comes down to how you feel about it. We can all tell you quite happily what to do, because it's not our baby or our course we are dealing with - ie not our responsibility!!!

You say you don't think you have a choice. Is that really true? It sounds like you have several choices, it's just that none of them are nice or easy ones. I think whatever you do, you are going to have to make a decision that won't feel good. The question is, which decision is least worst?

Perhaps it might help to put yourself in the various imaginary situations and see how it feels. Once you've made your decision, you won't care what strangers on MN think - it will be your own feelings that seem most real.