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Where do we go from here? 12 week old DS2

(4 Posts)
Hopefully Tue 21-Jun-11 13:33:05

This is part rant, part advice seeking.

DS2 is 12 weeks and EBF. And we need to do something about his feeding or there is not the least danger of us making it anywhere near 6 months, never mind the 10 months I fed DS1 or the year I would quite like to get to.

Basically, DS2 feeds like a newborn. I hesitate to use the word routine, but this is kind of how our day looks at the moment:

7am - DS1 wakes, so we all get up (DP already left for work). DS2 feeds until around 7:30 while we have breakfast
7:30-8:30 I scramble round trying to get everyone washed/dressed/nappy changed/showered etc before next feed is required
8:30am (sometimes earlier) - DS2 wails for next feed
9am I attempt to put DS2 in sling for a nap, as he has nodded off feeding
9:20am I give up in the face of non-stop-screaming DS, and feed again. DS2 falls asleep feeding. As he is now knackered he falls asleep every time he feeds, but wakes literally the microsecond I shift my weight/unlatch him. He is (and has been since birth) an insanely light sleeper.
9:30am-3pm Repeat sling/scream/feed/sling/scream feed on and off. At least once before 3pm DS2 eventually goes in the sling and sleeps for around an hour. Basically the rest of the time he is feeding.
3pm-5pm - feed, doze, feed doze
5pm - DP comes home and takes DS1 & 2 for an hour or so, during which time we prepare and eat dinner. DS2 is usually screaming for a feed after about 35-40 mins, sometimes I feed, sometimes I need the break badly enough to leave him with DP.
6pm-8pm - DS cluster feeds. This used to go on till about 9:30, but he is now nodding off earlier. Feeding later made no difference to nights, so I don't try to keep him up feeding
8:30pm-10pm - DS sleeps in the sling on DP
10pm-11pm - feed for about an hour
12:30am - feed
3am - feed
5am-7am - cluster feed
7am - DS1 wakes.

I should add that as long as he can stay latched on permanently, DS2 is totally chilled, happy and relaxed - no crying, no real discomfort apart from very occasional wind (he can bring up wind while feeding horizontally. I feel this is impressive), lots of wet nappies, big dirty nappy every 36-48 hours.

I, on the other hand, am not chilled, happy and relaxed. I am bloody knackered, getting poorer (self employed. DS1 is at nursery 3 half days a week and I need to work instead of feed for at least a small fraction of this time - we are currently spending about £300 a month more than we have coming in, which cannot continue) and getting increasingly sick of having sit around with my boobs out all day. I really want to begin to instill some sort of 'routine', or at least a loose schedule that allows me the odd half hour between feeds. At the moment I couldn't even say how many times a day he feeds, as it is so constant there is no real differentiation.

I have started expressing, and am hoping that being able to offer DS2 the odd top up will mean he is a bit more 'knocked out' for naps when I need him to be.

Oh, and I can't put him down, at all. He is an incredibly light sleeper, so if he falls asleep feeding he is awake as soon as I shift my weight, never mind shift him into the cot. He has been like this since birth. I think I need to crack getting him to sleep in a cot (or even a sling) so that he is a little bit more able to get himself to sleep and then hopefully sleep a little longer.

Also, we're getting married in 4 weeks. I would quite like to not spend my entire wedding day with my boobs out.

I have tried to be relaxed and baby led, hoping it would improve at 6 weeks, then maybe at 8 weeks, then 10, then 12. So far, no real change.

I am not looking to deprive DS2, or put him in a ridiculous 4 hour routine, but I don't think hoping for perhaps 90-minutely feeding day and night is unreasonable - even if he fed for an hour a time and only had 30 minutes off it would be an improvement on current situation.

If things don't improve with expressed milk top ups, he will have to have some formula simply so I can pull in some family help to look after him for a decent chunk of time while DS1 is at nursery and I can get some work done. I am sad about this, but our financial situation is beginning get fairly stressful, quite apart from my own desire for five minutes' break.

Advice/support/slaps round the chops all very welcome.

Sorry for essay blush

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh Tue 21-Jun-11 15:04:48

Oh dear, you poor thing! You really do have a lot on your plate.

You say you night need to pull in family to help...can you do this but without the formula? What i mean is can they help stock your freezer (homemade stuff in throw away foil trays), look after your other dc, help with washing etc. All the stuff that doesn't have to be done by you?

I really don't think it would be for long. I have a distinct memory from sometime in the third month. I couldn't work out what was wrong with ds but he wouldn't feed. I was making him cry trying to shove a boob at him. Until then he had been a complete boob monster so i couldn't figure out what was wrong. Well nothing was wrong. He just wasn't a newborn anymore and didn't need to feed as frequently as he had done. You may well be on the verge of something similar if you can just get through the next couple of weeks. smile

YogaMummy2B Tue 21-Jun-11 19:42:32

Could he have silent reflux? This sounds totally identical to my DD, who I'm sadly no longer BFing, due to the reflux making the feeding/comfort eating all roll into one & her only happy when latched on. I couldn't cope and was tired and crying constantly! FF doesn't make it any easier, I just wish I'd had help sooner and I could still be BFing.
It is worth talking to your GP about, if it is that it is very easily controlled and you would have a different baby after.
Ask the GP for ranitidine to see if it makes a difference, will take a few days to work.
Let me know.

Iggly Tue 21-Jun-11 19:52:24

I was going to suggest two possibilities - 1) silent reflux. Especially not able to put him down and the wind. Or 2) hes overtired and wants feeding so he can sleep, especially in the morning.

Some tips:

- consider a dummy between feeds to see if he'll feed every two hours. The sucking will help relieve any discomfort.
- keep waist bands loose to minimise pressure on his stomach eg dungarees and all in ones, not trousers.
- feed in a more upright position.
- get him into a napping routine by using the sling to get him used to sleeping. Then later work on napping in cot or pushchair when out.
- put down for nap after he's been asleep for 20 mins and he's less likely to wake up as will be in a deep sleep.
- try swaddling for naps as will be easier to put down.

Also 12 weeks is growth spurt time which might be making it worse.

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