Feeling low due to partner and third pregnancy

[leec93]

this is my first time writing a thread i always come across them when wanting answers to some off the similar questions people ask on here... firstly i also note the rudeness and unkindess most people have towards young mothers which has made me very nervous about writing this but here goes nothing .. im 20 years old soon to be 21 i had my first daughter while i was 16 everything was fine following her birth i kind of threw myself into studying towards becoming a midwife a dream ive always had and hope to have achieved by the end of next year fingers crossed .. i then moved on to having my son now 14 months when i was 18 with my partner who at first wasnt very nice to me he had just came out of prison he was still all over any girl and every girl he could find it was quite soon i fell pregnant with our son although numerous times i knew he was cheating i found myself in love i dont know how with him and ended up pregnant ... he then moved in i felt he had finally changed and i was about to have the perfect family a mum a dad and girl and boy my life seemed some what complete around the time of my 22 week scan i attended a GUM clinic due to getting a awful reccurance of BV during my pregnancy i went for a check up telling them i didnt need no other treatment or test as i was positive it was BV that did not prepare me for the break down and heart break i was about to recieve when i found out it was iinfact TV a sti he had given me via cheating while i was happily carrying hes first child i found myself depressed he could do this after a one night stand so he says but i gave him another chance in the end although i find myself always shouting at him for petty things as it really hurt me although it brang me and my son so close i feel we share a bigger bond due what hes dad done because the times i felt almost suicidal during my pregnancy him and hes sister kept me going .. i cant lie he was a good dad better than i thought it got me emotional seeing the bond and love he had for our son .. around when our son was 5 months old he was promoted at work brought himself s new car and since he had cheated he was by my side daily when ever he could be there .. the moment he got more money and hes car we became irrelevant i started finding things in hes phone etc.. in august last year i fell pregnant again and found out he had cheated i decided to have a termiantion as i couldnt face the depression of once again carrying a child through a pregnancy i feel has be tainted and destined to be ruined i know it may sound dumb but to me it felt like the best thing on a really bad day i dont wanna get up to go to work let alone do the school run etc.. and it would not of been fair on the kids do have to do it with three children .. after the abortion i instantly felt guilty and went into a spiral of depression i couldnt help it to only find out he was still cheating i was on the pill and taking correctly but again i found out im pregnant due to the guilt of the abortion i couldnt do it again and decided to keep the baby .. to only find out he was cheating on me with hes ex girlfriend all along in the past i know i had moved on from then so i thought no point dwelling on the past we went away in januaury just the both of us for some time to talk things through .. it went horribly wrong i ended up back at the abortion clinic but i couldnt go threw with it why bame a innocent child for it dad actions .. im now 20 weeks pregnant and found out he has cheated agaiin numerous times but one time i know for certain with a girl he knew for one day unprotectedly in the back of the car she barely spoke a word of english which was the scariest thing he didnt know one thing abbout her to be having sex let alone unprotected he could of passed on anything it depresses me the lack of respect he even has for hes self i cant help but cry and wonder have i made the rright decison keeping this baby i knopw she is a girl but i cant help but think what to do i wanna start fresh i do love him but its time i love myself more hes breaking me down and i believe he likes seeing me cry and upset because he talks to me like im crap now .. has anyone got any similar experiances or advice on what i can do to be happy again without him ... thannk u

[CheesyBadger]

You definitely need to move on and set up a life of your own with your children. Do you have anyone who can help you move on?

[CheesyBadger]

I think you need to move this to relationships of chat to get more responses