So desperate to be pregnant again

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

Following the loss of my daughter Philippa in April this year at 24 weeks, we got all the clear from the hospital the end of May (her death was unexplainable) so we started trying again. I got pregnant in the first month with Philippa and with my little girl Lucy who is 19 months old so foolishly thought 'hey presto' would be again. Just got period and feel v low. So wanted to be pregnant by due date (24th July). Feel a bit selfish saying all this as I know it takes some women years to concieve and I do have Lucy,but just have felt in limbo since loosing Philippa and just want to be pregnant again.Husband says I have been horrible to live with while waiting for period and yet here I am marking of what should be my fertile days this month while he looks on in amazement in what I have planned,hardly romantic.
Feel like everyone thinks I am ok and over it but I feel so empty and is it me but everywhere I look there are pregnant women!
jane
x

[shelly24]

Know how your feeling jane,their everywhere aren't they,feel like their being put infront of you everywhere you go!!
I've been waiting for my period to come since loosing my little boy at 33wks,7wks ago yesterday.Funnily enough it started yesterday too!And i was so happy!,felt like a woman again,i can finally try again to get preg and have the chance of a healthy pregnancy and birth.
It must be hard for you getting your period after trying for another,but don't beat yourself up about presuming it would happen straight away,because it has happened like that for you twice before,its only natural to think it would do it again.
I too, like you, am desperate to get pregnant again..its my main focus right now.
Don't feel selfish about wanting to be pregnant again by your due date...you just wanted to be back on that path you were following and looking forward to reaching the end of.x
Even though our husbands have been through it too,and want another baby too,i don't think they quite understand the desperation that we have to be pregnant again as soon as possible...it becomes an obsession almost,smething we mustn't give up on until it happens,and only then will we finally be happy.
My sister gave me some good advice,and i'm going to give it to you,try(and this may be hard to do) to relax and focus on something else other than the desperate need to be pregnant...take up a new hobby,have a holiday,focus on doing up the house for when a new baby arrives?Anything other than the desperation to BE pregnant.Obviously keep trying but try to see it as precious time between you and your partner,not just to make babies.The more you worry about it and stress over it,the less likely it is to happen.I truely believe that when you experience a loss and want to try again,it is much harder when you want it SO badly,rather than it just happening when your relaxed and not worrying about it all the time.
It may seem to be easier said than done,but we can only try and see what happens,i personally am going to try and relax alittle,not worry so much about getting preg,and let it happen when it happens,it WILL be hard not to focus on it all the time,but i'm gonna give it my best shot!
I know you feel low now,but please don't give up on yourself,focus on something else alittle and let it happen when it happens,good luck!.x.x.x.x.

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

Thanks for such a lovely message

I am trying to not be too preoccupied (helps when I have lucy to look after) and we are in the middle of doing up the house so am on the B&Q treadmill too!

Switched TV on today and a new programme had started with Fiona Phillips called Baby House. It was full of women who are due to give birth and its going to folloe thier stories. Did you catch it, its on ITV? Felt a bit low watching it so switched off as if my pregnancy had continued then I would have been at the same stage they are.
Went out and did some shopping instead and did not see ny pregnant women (for a change!!)
xx

[maddyd]

Chocolate peanut so sorry for your loss it must have been terrible for you. That programme on today was very upsetting as is desperate midwives. STAY AWAY from those programmes. Youve had enough heartbreak.

Come and join us on the trying after a miscarriage thread. Its a great thread for support. I know you lost your baby alot later than alot of us but we can really understand your pain honestly we do.

Im not very good with words but i do understand really i do. It is the most tragic thing and im so very sorry for you. Do you know why you lost Phillippa? I only ask as a close friend lost her boy at 23 weeks as her placenta came away, this helped her a little as some people have no reasons when they loose thier babies.

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

Thanks MaddyD

I did not feel any movements at 24 weeks and the scan confirmed she had died. I was induced and had to give birth which was horrible especially as Lucy had been born by a c Section so I did not know what to expect.The post m said her death was unexplainable which my consultant said is the best case scenerio as if there was something then the chances are it could happen again.

I keep looking at Lucy who is 20 mths and think what should have been. I know I am v lucky to have Lucy (I also watch Test Tube babies) but you think when you get to 24 weeks you will be ok. I know that is notthe case as reading these threads some ladies loose much much later. Its so sad