I've just lost a dear relative and am very sad.
But try as he might, everything my DH says seem increasingly more unhelpful. He wants to understand but right now is just meking me angrier with everything he says.
While I'm trying to cope with it all and do what's best for everyone he just focuses on the praecticalities.
For example, we live 2000 miles away from family on a RAF base, and the bereavement does not qualify for compassionate leave. DH keeps talking about how difficult financially and as regards to child-care it would be if I were to fly home to see my family. He can't get time off to look after the kids as he has very unsympathetic bosses. His focus on this just makes me want to smack him.
Also, my family have a level of dysfunction which he struggles with, although I have accepted and risen above it. He keeps telling me that they're emotionally manipulating me for their own needs by asking me to cone back. But I want to go back .
He's never lost anyone close and doesn't have the extended family I have (only child-only parents and one aunt remain, whereas I have a mother, brother and a host of uncles, aunts and cousins).
I'm so scared this attitude of his will come between us.
My dad died 11 years ago and DH handled it very badly, just backing away. He's since apologised as an episode when his own father was critically ill gave him a small insight into what I went through.
He tells me that my family are being selfish for asking me to come home (for a brief visit only) but I can't help wondering if he's being selfish, too. And I'm just stuck in the middle.
It doesn't help that just days before this relative died I'd rushed back to the UK because my best friend, who'd already suffered the loss of her mother, brother and grandmother, lost her dad. I felt I had to go to her. While I was there my relative fell ill and she died a few days after I flew back. DH looked after the children and was under a lot of pressure from his work who let him take days off but still made him honour on-call commitments during the night, so he was knackered during the day without any respite. There was no-one available here to help with childcare except someone who stayed overnight but had to leave in the morning.
This is such an awful situation, I feel at the mercy of everyone's expectations.
Sorry, I rambled a bit.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.
Bereavement
Can a partner who hasn't lost anyone really be any support?
6 replies
GoodbyeJo · 31/10/2009 11:40
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.