i miss you nanna

[chibi]

the thing i find hardest is how i keep getting blindsided by grief, it comes out of nowhere.

and this despite knowing you were dying, that i wasn't going to see you again after that summer, that you wouldn't meet ds...

i think i was expecting to be able to send you pictures, though.

i was thinking of you in the days before you died, that i really needed to send a letter with recent pics of c, that it had been a while. i put it off, but even if i had sent it, it never would have reached you in time.

i look at you picture everyday. it is a fuuny one, i don't know who got you to wear the silly hat, but it's the look in your face that i love best.

faced with a camera your face so often was like a closed fist and you gave nothing away, but in this picture you are smiling, looking at me expectantly, as if to say, 'tell me more'.

i gotta go, c is back with dh, i love you always.

xx
m

[BlueBumedFly]

xxxxx
I hope your nanna is up there with mine, she would have loved to have met my DD too. Hopefully they are wearing silly hats together. xxx

[cupofteaplease]

Lots of love to your nanna, and mine x

[BlueBumedFly]

Bless you herbie xx

[chibi]

thank you all. i guess in a way i am lucky as she is the first person i loved who has died, and i am well into my 30s.

2 weeks after she died my ds was born 5 weeks prem and so i guess i am only now getting the space to grieve.