Can anyone answer my questions?

[Xena]

On weds I had a scan and it showed that I had a missed m/c. Thurs I had an ERPC and haven't bled much since I have lots of questions but these are the ones that are bothering me the most.
How soon should I start taking the pill? (want a breather to decide what to do)
How quickly after a m/c can they do a smear? I have to have them 6mthly so I'm due one. Is it 6 wks like a normal pg?
When the hospital took my blood after the scan would they have tested my blood to see if there was any infection?
Thanks In Advance for your advise.
Xena

[Spacecadet]

hi, sorry about your misscariage, i had one about 8 weeks ago, so sympathise, you cant have a smear until you have stopped bleeding as per the pill, im not sure, have you got a docs appt booked at all, i dont know if you have to waiyt a few weeks.

[Spacecadet]

i noticed that you said you want a rest from ttc which i think isa wise decision, are you sure you want to go on the pill though as it can take a few months for cycle to regulate after stopping, would you not be happier using condoms?? sorry for bein g cheeky!

[Xena]

Hi Spacecadet. The reason for the pill is because I concieved the first cycle after stopping 3 out of 4 times. It also regulates my cycle

[lozzawoo]

Hello Xena!

How far along were u when you miscarried.

[Xena]

Hi lozzawoo 13+3

[TaiwanJen]

Hi, I'm not too sure where to start. I left my home in the UK to teach english in Taiwan for a year. I found out when i was out here that i was 7 weeks pregnant. Was really excited but not too sure what to do as so far from home. Went for an 8 week scan the day before i was due to fly back home. I was told there was no heartbeat. This was my first pregnancy. The baby had died inside me. I flew home and as i was only back in the UK for 2 weeks, i had to have surgery. I recovered at home with my boyfriend and family and then flew back to Taiwan to finish the rest of my year. It was a good thing to get back and settled somewhere else but sometimes i am still finding it very hard. My surgery was 10 weeks ago. My boyfriend is not with me and i feel angry at him for this:i feel like i want a cuddle and he doesn't even notice. I am in a strange country in a new job with new friends. My period has not returned and it has been 10 weeks. Is this normal? I have been told that my ovaries have stopped functioning under the stress. I feel really lost still. I talk a lot about it but no one i talk to has had this experience and so i don't think they fully understand. In 4 weeks, i found out i was pregnant, lost the baby but retained it, flew to the UK, had to wait to have surgery knowing i was carrying my dead baby, then recover quick so i could fly back to Taiwan. I felt a lot of things when i was pregnant, my breast size, eating more, sleeping more, going to the toilet more...i miss those feelings. I just want a huge hug. Today is a bad day, sorry

[Spacecadet]

xena, ok, i think a chat with the doc is best on the pill score, taiwanjen, sometimes it can take a while for your body to get back to normal, so sorry to hear of your loss{{{hugs}}}

[Spacecadet]

tj, maybe it was a bit too soon to rush back to work, your feelingssound normal, you find oput your preg then its taken away before you have time to adjust to the idea, is there anyone you can talk to??

[desperatehousewife]

Oh TJ - i'm so sorry your'e feeling so low. I can't imagine what it must feel like - but as with all these nasty things in life - it WILL get better and you will feel like you again. I am sending you big cyber hugs and a virtual cup of tea . Don't be hard on yourself - youve' been through a terrible experience. Try and be gentle with yourself for a bit and it will get better.

[Xena]

Oh TJ I'm sorry for your loss, I think that its one of the harsh things of a m/c the speed things happen last tues I was looking forward to a christmas with a baby and today its all been taken away and people in RL expect me to be OK and getting back to normal.

[Diddle]

Oh TJ, so sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, sort of, had my 2nd m/c of the year 7 wks ago and i had no time off just threw myself back into work, and i'm regretting it now. Its hit me hard and both my 1st and 2nd pregnancies ended in mc, we are trying for our first child at the moment. I desperatly want to be pg.
You must feel so isolated. you can come one here and talk to us anytime, we're all here to support you, and will probably understand more than you're friends who may not have experinced this.
Couldn't your boyfriend come out and see you for a week? i'd be mad if my DH wasn't with me too.

[cori]

We have all experinced miscarriages here. All the feelings you are experiencing are completly normal. You are a long way from home and probably feel there is no shoulder for you to cry on. Mumsnet is here.
I dont know how I would have got through the early days if wasnt for MN. I had a missed misscariage almost 4 weeks ago, I carried the baby knowing it was dead for 5 days.

[cori]

TJ, who told you your ovaries have stopped functioning under the stress? Did you have a blood test.

[TaiwanJen]

Thank you all for your kind words. I have just finished work and do feel better than this morning. Are you all in the UK or somewhere else? I found this website just as i was searching to find out about the ovaries thing. It was the gynae over here who did a scan and said my ovaries weren't functioning. He said he could give me tabs to provoke a period but i'd rather wait for it naturally. No blood tests were done. I understand my body has been through a big ordeal. I guess i was really naive and never expected to miscarry, you know and i always thought that when you do, you just bleed. I wasn't aware you could still carry it and then have to wait while doctors make up their mind what is the best thing to do. I had been carrying it about 10 days before they said i should have it taken out as i was flying back here so soon. I feel good about being back here most days. I have told a few of the new friends and they have been ok with the support thing. My mother is also a psychologist and helped me talk it through before i left. My boyfriend is coming over in August. I feel for all of you-i am so glad that there is a good support network here

[cori]

I think most of us in the UK.
I had never heard of a missed miscarriage before I had mine either.

AM getting paranoid about the ovary thing now,I have never heard of that

[TaiwanJen]

Hey, got my period this morning-must have been the talking about it. Felt kind of sad though...guess just taking in that my body is getting back to normal and also reality that i am definitely no longer pregnant and have to move on. When was your miscarriage Cori?

[cori]

The begining of May, I was 17 weeks. I had no symptoms at all and only found the baby had died when I was called to hospital for a scan due to abnormal blood results

[Diddle]

how are you doing taiwenjen? You're ovaries must be functioning for you to have had a a period, have you been waiting long for it?
I hope that you are doing ok, we're all here for you.

[TaiwanJen]

I'm sorry that you were quite far along Cori, that must have been horrible. I feel guilty as i felt period cramps for a bout a week and put it down to my uterus growing. I wish i had checked it out sooner but these things happen for a reason-or so i am told, doesn't make it any easier though does it? Do you want to try again in the future? I'm better thanks Diddle. Joined this site on a bad day...I waited for 10 weeks for my period. I just feel at a loss as to how i am supposed to feel. No one really gave me any advice in the hospital in Taiwan or England. The thing is, i wasn't too sure what i wanted to do. It was such a shock to move to another country, be here for 2 months and find out i was pregnant, having conceived before i left. I was 60-50 for the pregnancy. 60 being keep it. It was very hard but i have always wanted children and just being pregnant felt so right, it was only hard because i had only just starting doing something i had longed to do for such a long time. Me and my boyfriend have been together a year. I felt like when i went for surgery, there wasn't any kind of, this is how you may feel etc and that's normal...you know?? I have had so many questions and it's so nice to finally be able to ask and know people feel the same. I Hope that you get your first child soon Diddle. Are you going to try again soon or give it a while?

[cori]

Dont feel guilty TJ, there is very little ( in fact nothing I think) that can be done to prevent a miscarriage once it starts, seeing a doctor any sooner would not have helped.
Of course you werent expecting to get pregnant so it is completly normal to be unsure if you wanted to go ahead with it. Especially when you were just starting to live your 'dream'
I am guessing you are quite young.
I will be trying again as soon as possible. But I dont think my body is well enough just yet. Had acupuncture yesterday and was told my immune system is really low and I need to wait a little while. I think she was right. By the way myAcupuncturist is from Tawain.

Have a look at the miscarriage association website as well. It might be able

[TaiwanJen]

Yeah, i am 24 and my idea was to do the whole marriage and then 6 children! Crazy hey?? I had a lot of Vac's before i came here which no one told me would interfere with the pill.
Give your body a break for sure. I have read that losing a child, whatever stage of pregnancy you are at, is like having a baby and the hormones are a little all over the place. Acupuncture though? Always wanted to try that. Does it work for you? Funny, acupuncture is very common over here with the Taiwanese Maybe i will give it a go. Have you got your period back?
I do have another question though, or more like a 'i'm not too sure how i feel' thing. When i told my boyfriend i was pregnant, he was very supportive but certainly more that he definitely wanted the baby and didn't quite understand why i was in a difficult position. It was nice that he didn't tell me to get lost but then i did want him to understand that it wasn't a stable enough situation to raise a child. The thing is, knowing i was carrying a tiny little someone before my final scan at 8 weeks, i was on the way to keeping it. When i told my boyfriend that we lost it, he was very calm on the phone and said not to worry, it would all be ok but he didn't seem so upset. I know that he was just trying to be strong for me but i resent him for not being over here to hold my hand when they said they couldn't find a heart beat...(and they don't talk so much english over here) I wanted him to fly out and tell me it would be ok with a hug. When i had a scan back in england, i was secretly hoping that the foreign doctor had made a mistake and they would tell me everything was ok. My boyfriend was there at that scan and it seemed to sink in with him. But the first week after surgery, i was a mess and the second week was trying to get back on track and be with family etc before i flew back. Now, being over here, sometimes i am low and my boyfriend thinks it is because of him and maybe it is because i know i can't talk to him and tell him how i feel and likewise for him. We talk once a week and only for about 10 minutes due to cost. Is it normal to feel like this? Am i just finding it harder because i can't talk to him?

[cori]

I decided to try Acupuncture because it is meant to help with fertility. It took me 7 months to get pregnant this time and I dont want to get pregnant sooner rather than later.
I had acupuncture for psoriasis last year and it worked very well, when all the creams and medicines didnt.
After losing this baby I have been strongly motivated to get as healthy as possible, been on a detox, eating loads of fresh fruit ,cut out almost all caffeine vegetables, no red meat, lots of green tea , water vitamins etc. I want to give my body the optimum chance of producing healthy child next time round.

Many women feel that there partners dont seem interested or care when they are pregnant. What is very real to you because of your changing body is almost an abstract concept to them.
Men cant possibly understand what is like to be pregnant or what it is like to lose one, though they may grieve in their own way. Your boyfriend is so far away it probably doesnt seem real to him.
I havent got my period back yet. It is four weeks today since I 'delivered' ( at 17 weeks you have to be induced) so I am expecting it soon.
Even when you are doing things you love, like travelling you can sometimes still feel low. You have a lot to think about, It must be hard if you feel you dont have anyone around you can talk to. Even if you did, most people dont understand or dont know what to say unless they have been through it.

How is the weather in Taiwan. Hot I expect. Are you teaching English?

[TaiwanJen]

Hey, the acupuncture sounds good. I am doing the healthy eating thing over here as well...when i was pregnant i was eating every 2 hours...i put on a stone in 2 weeks but also, i comfort eat, so being back and only having rice and noodles as the main diet over here, i have put on a fair bit more weight so am doing fresh fruit and veg.

I am teaching english over here. I only teach 5 hours a day so it's nice enough as i get time to myself as well. I work til 9 pm though so it's a bit strange to get used to. The weather is so nice-about 35 degrees c at the moment. We experience an earthquake every week or so but it's common and i am getting used to them. Typhoon season is just around the corner, so i'm sure that will be an experience. I am coming back to the UK next March but not too sure if i will come back here after?? It's a good life over here It helps eliviate my stress most of the time. What do you do in England?

[cori]

Hi TJ
Sorry havent responded sooner. Internet went down over the weekend and life has been a bit hectic since then. Went to hospital on Tuesday with some unusual bleeding, had a scan and they found I had retained some placenta, also have an infection. Have a bit worried, had acupuncture again Wednesday asked her to do something to stimulate periods etc, and got period on Thursday. SO hopefully any tissue that was left will be flushed out.
Something unusual happened when having Acupuncture. She put a pin/ needle on an energy point on my chest bone. It didnt hurt when she put it in, but after about 10 mins it became really painful, it lasted for a couple minutes and then the pain just went away. I asked her about it and she said that was the negative energy that was causing me to feel so down to leaving my body. I did feel uplifted afterwards, and feel generally more positive, especially since period arrived.

I am a Support Officer for a Housing association I work with vulnerable tenants, help them to maintain there tenancy, provide emotional support, benefit advice etc etc.

[TaiwanJen]

God, i can't believe you retained the placenta after a good few weeks since you miscarried...how awful to still have to deal things when you think you can try and move on. Good that you got your period. When you said about the pain in your chest, i wonder if that's like when you feel so low and stressed, your whole heart and chest feels heavy like it has taken on a lot. I'm glad it helped you to feel better. I am considering massage and things over here as relaxation-it is too cheap here to pass up. I still have some horrible dreams about pregnancy or just general bad dreams which are very vivid and upset me. I kept a scan picture. I don't look at it so much as i did but do you think it's bad to keep looking at it?