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funeral - should i take my 4.9yrs old dd1??

(15 Posts)
Biglips Wed 08-Jul-09 22:39:12

me say no

dp say yes as she gotta learn

Olihan Wed 08-Jul-09 22:40:19

Whose is it? How upset are you likely to be?

2shoes Wed 08-Jul-09 22:41:09

well I would, If I had too.
I took dd too my Dads, and she was brill(14 but sn)

Biglips Wed 08-Jul-09 22:41:48

its my cousins and i dont know how upset i wud be as i went to my aunty's funeral before i had kids and i hold it all well.

GlastonburyGoddess Wed 08-Jul-09 22:42:17

if its her nan/granddad, possibly. anyone elses funeral, no IMHO

EyePeam Wed 08-Jul-09 22:42:25

got to learn what??

she is young for a service that you have to sit still and be quiet through.

she may be worried if there are lots of upset people there, esp if you and dp are upset.

it may necessitate lots of conversation about death with her - which you don't really need to have yet if it isn't someone close.

frAKKINPannikin Wed 08-Jul-09 22:42:44

Depends how mature she is, what sort of funeral it will be and how well she knew the person in question.

I have always resented not being able to go to my grandmother's funeral (was a teeny bit older than your DD) but didn't care about not going to my great aunt's a few years later because it was fairly removed from me IYSWIM.

Your DP is right, death is part of living and she needs to learn. She also needs to opportunity to say good-bye somehow but whether a funeral is the best way or not I don't know.

If it were a religious service and not a crematation I'd being inclined to take her but even as an adult I find cremations very difficult and impersonal. Not sure how I would have coped as a very young child - the coffin just disappears and literally isn't there any more.

MrsMattie Wed 08-Jul-09 22:43:06

Dont think I would, no. But my 4 yr old is very sensitive, has wild imagination and cannot cope with this sort of thing.

GlastonburyGoddess Wed 08-Jul-09 22:43:48

I wouldnt tbh. far too young really and you have to think of other people

Olihan Wed 08-Jul-09 23:00:29

Probably not then, particularly if she didn't know her overly well.

Biglips Wed 08-Jul-09 23:05:14

im close to my cousin (used to be very close before my aunty died - his mum, (my mums twin sister)) and also the rest of family on my mums side but my dd1 doesnt really know him well but she did pointed out on FB that was our cousin.

need to have a think as she is a bit sensitive as she doesnt cry easily but yes i do not want her to freak out if she does.

DadInsteadofMum Thu 09-Jul-09 15:08:43

THis is more about the child than their age only you know how they might handle it. Kids often handle these things better than adults think and it is us projecting our fears on to them that is the problem.

My experience is that it is kids a bit older than this (say 7 - 12) that find it difficult to cope with their "first" funeral.

Seat near the back for quick exit if she gets restless?

Drusilla Thu 09-Jul-09 15:21:00

I took my 3.6 yr old to my Grandmothers funeral because he was very close to her I felt he should be able to say goodbye. It was fine and I am glad we did it. If it isn't someone she knows or will miss then I think perhaps no point in taking her.

Biglips Sat 11-Jul-09 20:32:12

ive decided to go on my own as think dd1 is too young adn plus my dd2 may start getting whingy so dp is staying at home

smee Sat 11-Jul-09 20:45:39

Biglips, when a close friend from childhood died. I had the choice of either taking DS (2) or not going at all due to the distance. In the end, I went to the funeral and didn't go in for the service. Might sound bizarre, but I know it meant a lot to the family that I made the effort and just being there and seeing the coffin, and talking to everyone after the service gave me a chance to grieve. We went to the house afterwards, and it was fine to have my son there with me - in fact everyone loved him being there as he was happy and sunny and made people smile a bit. Just a suggestion. Hope it goes okay though, whatever you do.

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