DH Nan passed away - sensitive dd1

[eandh]

dd1 is 4.3 and very sensitive/anxious, dh nan lived with pil's (the dd's are there at least once a week as mil looks after them when I work)

Dh nan been in hospital a few weeks and we have taken both the dd's in to visit and she was delighted to see them (especially dd2 who is almost 2 but when she was born we named her middle name after dh Nan) anyway nan died this afternoon. Mil phoned dh at 6pm and he text me but I was on my work xmas dinner so didnt see text till 6.45 and came straight home, however, in this time dd1 sensed what had happened so I explained that Nanny gone to be a star (with Dexter who was Mil rabbit that died in teh summer) she got upset and said she'll miss Nanny and I got a photo of them together and put it in her room.

Now she keeps saying she wishes she'd been nicer to her (they had a funny realtionship as both very similar characters and they clashed alot so quite often dd1 would only blow her a kiss goodbye rather than give her a kiss or she'd do a drawing but say that Nanny Alice couldnt have it etc etc and it didnt help that dd2 was def a favourite of Nanny as she was the baby and because of her name) how do I ensure dd1 doesnt dwell on things ??

[Orangutan]

Maybe DD1 could write a letter to nanny & "give" it to her at funeral ceremony, (assuming she's going)?

[eandh]

Well she can't write (well her name but thats it) but she could do a picture that could be especially for Nanny (I'll even allow the glitter,glue, feathers etc out!) and I could take it with me (neither dd's will be going to funeral as dd2 wont sit still/behave as shes too little and I think it'll be to much for dd1 and not sure as yet when funeral will be but they'll go to my Mums and maybe they can come to pil's after for the wake)

Although you have just made me think that dd1 loves balloons so maybe get a helium balloon and decorate that and send it into the sky for Nanny to 'catch'

[RudolphtherEDDASnosedreindeer]

I definately agree about not taking her to the funeral. She would not understand it and could make things worse as she's a very imaingative child and worries anyway. It's hard enough to cope with for an adult.

You'll just have to reassure her that she was nice to Nanny just LIE

I think your balloon idea is a lovely one, although she may not want to let it go. Maybe buy 2, one to keep and one to let go?

Let me know if I can do anything {{{{hugs}}}} to dh and you all

[eandh]

Thanks my dear (you know her far to well!)

I think I'll go with the balloon idea and yep fab idea to get 2 balloons (especially if I can find a barbie one for her to keep) C being very quiet and am leaving him in his own space, he is going up to his Mums tomorrow afternoon after work, but he is worried work will say no to him having the day off for funeral because they are so busy but I am sure they'll understand

[RudolphtherEDDASnosedreindeer]

For C, just be there if he wants to talk, but don't worry if he doesn't, sometimes you just don't feel like it. All I wanted sometimes was a hug, but then I'm not a man!

I'm sure his work will have to let him have time off for the funeral, they'd be heartless not to

With E i'd just try not to mention it all to her, just answer her questions when they come up. I would mention it to pre-school as well, just incase anything comes up this week whilst she's there. I'm sure she'll be too busy to think about it, but you never know, and at least they'll be prewarned IYSWIM.

[eandh]

I thought I'd mention it to M or D (her keyworker) and then leave it at that, hopefully with the christingle/bazaar on wednesday and party on friday she wont have time to dwell

Right I am off to bed night x

[laughalot]

Sorry eah I dont know what to sy I am rubbish with advice but I am thinking of you all xxxxxxxxx

[theSuburbanDryad]

I think the helium balloon idea is a lovely one. Perhaps you could ask her what she'd like to say to Nanny and write it on a little card for her and tie it to the balloon?

Thinking of you chuck. xxx