My my mum died last year (well, almost 2 years ago), when DD was 6 months old. I have coped with her being gone pretty well. I think I have anyway.
I have a picture of her and DD up on the mantlepiece, when DD was 2 weeks old and mum cancelled a chemo session so she could come up and see me and DD. She was originally going to be at the birth but was too ill. From time to time I show DD the photo, and tell her it is Nana. She has no idea who 'nana' is, just knows its someone in a photo.
This evening, DD and I were laying in our bed for quiet time before she went to bed. She was face to face with me and said quite out of the blue 'where's Nanny?' and I asked 'where is Nanny? She is in heaven baby girl'. She said 'you are nanny'. I said, I am mummy, nanny is far away' 'and she said 'nanny in heaven, mummy go to heaven too?' I told her I was going to stay here with her and she said to me 'nanny is here too, you are mummy nanny' and then a bit later she said to me 'i like nana' about 5 times.
I know she is only a baby and has no idea what she was actually saying. I wondered if some-one at nursery was picked up by their nanny and it got the word in her brain. I know there was nothing deep and meaningful in it (well I don't really, but I am not trying to interpret it as anything other than DD being sweet)
But it was sooo heartfelt, and so, well so all the things I often wonder - is mum here, is she able to see us, can she see DD? I wish DD would have known her. All those things that almost seemed answered by a little innocent girl.
I felt like my heart was going to break . And now I feel struck with grief. For all that I, and DD has lost .
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Bereavement
My DD asked about Nanny today. Out of the blue. Hit me like a brick.
13 replies
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2008 20:09
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