how should a 7 yo grieve (or not ) for her well loved grandfather

[drivinmecrazy]

My DD1 (7) has been really calm since my FIL died yesterday AM. He lives quite far from us, but before she went to school yesterday I told her he had died early in the morning, she knew he wasn't well. She responded by saying or asking 'is heaven the place that people you love from your family go in your head so you can remember them??' Apart from that lovely thought she asked me not to tell her little sis (2) til she got home from school. So I Duly packed her off to school quite happily 'til I got a call from DH saying SIL was not happy that I had sent her to school. Her 2 kids were on easter holidays, but she says she wouldn't have sent them to school any way (They are 12 & 14 and she's only been married to BIL for two years so he was ther step-grand father). Was I so wrong to send (not upset 7 yo) to school?????? BTW, he only died yesterday morning at 5 am, but since then she has had his 2 kids (her natural grand kids) and her 2 kids & baby at her house 8am-9pm yesterday and today. All MIL wants is just her 2 sons there for a short time. SIL is making me feel really bad. MIL is too polite to say anything

[sushistar]

I went to school when my nana died. I was 14 tho so may be different, but I found the normality of it comforting. I told my friends about nana, which helped, and used it as an excuse for having not done my homework!

[drivinmecrazy]

I wouldn't have sent her if she was uncomfortable, but she said she was ok (BTW, if she could skive a day she would) so she obviously didn't really feel really sad. All she wants to do is stay with GranDad (R.G) tomorrow night while I go to see MIL and DH with 2 yo. She is more concerned with her ballett class on Saturday.

[BalloonSlayer]

My 7 year old and 6 year old were perfectly ok when told their Grandad had died last Friday. They were on hols but I would have definitely have sent them to school.

If they had been completely distraught then I would have kept them off.

Don't want to go off-thread but I have started to wish they were a bit more upset!

[thegrowlygus]

I remember my grandfather dying when I was around that age. And being told he had gone to be 'with Jesus and the angels'. I remember clearly wondering why everyone was so sad about this as it sounded like a good place to be. And I don't remember feeling sad at all. I remember feeling quite matter of fact about it.

I seem to remember someone describing children's grief as being like puddles that they jump in and out of, and that kind of resonated with me.

[lilolilmanchester]

If she wasn't too upset to go to school, I would have sent her. School would have rung if she'd been too upset to get through the day. She wil have her moments - with mine it was a quick cry when they were told, lots of tears at the funeral, and then the odd conversations about feeling sorry and sad about it all. Children can be very resilient, and at 7 perhaps it doesn't hit as hard as an older child who understands about the permanance of death? But just like adults, all children are different and grieve in their own way. Don't beat yourself up, you know your child and did the right thing.

[BettySpaghetti]

My Dad died about 6 wks ago and my children are 8 and 3.

I stayed at my mums the evening that my dad died so wasn't at home when the children woke up but asked my DP to tell them. DS(3) just took it in his stride the way that 3 year olds do! DD(8), had known that her Grandad was very ill and was going to die (despite the fact we hadn't actually said the words to her IYSWIM) -DP said she cried and was very upset but soon recovered enough to have breakfast and was happy enough to go to school. TBH it wouldn't have crossed my mind to keep her off unless she was absolutely, continuously distraught.

We did tell her teacher when we dropped her at school just in case she had any weepy moments but she was fine.

[WingsofanAngel]

When I told my two ds's that their Grandad had died (suddenly) they coped well.
I sent them to school and Dh explained to the teachers.
I though it best to keep things as 'normal' as possible for them.

[mrsleroyjethrogibbs]

you are the best judge of your dc's moods and state of mind. You were happy to send her off to school and she was happy to go. Thats all there is to it.

[geekgirl]

my mum died last year. Dd1 (8) loved her very much and they were really close, but after a quick cry she was fine to go to school (even though we got the news at 8am). TBH it wouldn't have occured to me to keep her off - if anything, it kept her mind off things and also gave her the opportunity to talk to her friends and her teacher about it.

Really don't think it's anyone else's business whether you send your dc to school or not!

[bubblagirl]

i just said oh right and went about my day hit me when i was a couple of years older how much it really hurt just didnt understand fully

although i remember really crying at night saying i missed her and felt like someone kissed my head and i felt so calm and happy and fell asleep dont know if i imagined it but i dont think i did as still feel teary when i remember it now and thats eemed to help me as i realised she was still around i just couldnt see her anymore

[lindyloo78]

i lost my dad in nov 07 and while im struggling to come to terms with it my 11yr old daughter is finding it harder to cope as he was like a dad to her rather than a papa i just dont know what else i can do the school have said its affecting her school work that all she does is atlk about him but she wont talk to me or my mum about it as we are still at the crying stage iv contacted the school nurse who is going to arrange a few sessions with her to assess how bad her grief is but i would really like to do something for her that would cheer her up anyone any suggestions