I feel pathetic and like I'm letting them down

(10 Posts)
Ellaandlouisqueenandking Fri 06-Nov-20 23:59:09

Hi. So, I'm writing because I can no longer cope. 11 years ago Dad for dementia and I lost him 5 years ago. Straight away Mum got diagnosed with kidney failure. 6 months ago she died of covid, which we suspect she caught during dialysis. Some days I miss her so much I just can't stop crying. Going to her home is a struggle. It's only now I am feeling ready to deal with probate papers and practicalities. I'm an only child. I'm in my 30s. I'm being pathetic here but I feel very alone and scared. People tell me to be strong and not to panic etc etc etc etc. But I've burnt out. I've had enough. Last night my OH, who has epilepsy and another related condition had a major seizure. Today I had to work half a day. I had to take time off previously due to waiting covid results and due to being bereaved and sad. I think my work is beginning to see me as a liability. My DH is ok thankfully, but it's a scary time. My house is a tip. I'm exhausted by 7pm every night. I feel pathetic and like I'm letting everyone down due to only being able to be a Mum and work. Sorry to rant and be self pitying but this is my only outlet.

OP’s posts: |
Iwantcollarbones Sat 07-Nov-20 00:06:59

You’re doing fine. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have so much much going on and you’re still going. I am in awe of you.

Life, sometimes, is just fucking impossible. Don’t beat yourself up because you need to just stop and take breath. Everyone does at some point.

I’m so sorry I don’t have any practical advice. I just didn’t want you to feel so alone.

Embracelife Sat 07-Nov-20 00:08:52

One day at a time.
If all you can do right now is work and mum you doing great

Who is judging your house? No one
Get some plastic boxes clear some stuff to one side deal with later

Are you feeding yourself and child?
Basic washing cleaning?
Getting fresh air ?
Do the basics
Sed gp if you need support

Job done
There will be time

Ellaandlouisqueenandking Sat 07-Nov-20 07:31:08

Thank you so much both of you. I will continue to just take everything day by day xx

OP’s posts: |
sandgrown Sat 07-Nov-20 07:37:24

I can empathise with the burnt out feeling but you are also still grieving. Just do what you can each day. Does your work have an employee assistance programme. If so speak to them. Can your DH help with the house? As long as you are all clean and fed everything else can wait.

MrPanks Sat 07-Nov-20 07:44:28

Give yourself a break, OP. You have had a lot on your plate. Do you have any close relatives that would help you? An auntie/uncle or cousin? A close friend? People often are happy to help in any way they can, but you need to ask. It might be just someone to talk through and help you make a list of what needs to be done and by when, or help you sort the house out to free you up a bit.

My mum died 13 years ago and my DF passed away from Covid earlier this year (he also had dementia). I do have a sibling who had their own health issues so couldn't really help with all the funeral, financial and legal stuff. It was hard but I got through it. When my sibling could, they helped with clearing out my DF's house, which was a huge help as emotionally I was burnt out by this time and couldn't face it.

Take your time. It doesn't matter really if your house is a mess, be kind to yourself. It is so overwhelming.

flowers and a big hug to you.

MrPanks Sat 07-Nov-20 07:48:45

PS, just to say I still have a couple of jobs I need to do following my dad's death. I'm avoiding them for now. I'll do it, but I need to be in the right frame of mind. Right now, with yet another lockdown, I can't face it. It can wait!

FippertyGibbett Sat 07-Nov-20 07:50:21

As long as you are all clean, fed and the bills are paid you are doing ok.
Just take one day at a time.
Maybe write a list of small jobs that need doing, and every time you cross one off you will feel a sense of achievement.
Be kind to yourself, it will get easier.

Holliej Sat 07-Nov-20 07:58:07

Your not letting anyone down. One day at a time. Glad to hear your DH is okay. If your house is a tip so be it. It will get sorted but don’t beat yourself up about it. Go to bed at 7pm if that’s what you need. You have had a lot on your plate and need to make sure your having time to rest. I’m so sorry hear about your mum and dad. X

copperoliver Sat 07-Nov-20 08:00:01

Take each day as it comes. It look me a good 5 years after my mum died to feel normal and not feel guilty about enjoying something in life. I'd break down the the supermarket ect.
Each day gets easier, the sadness can be there some days and a heavy heart.
She is not in pain or unwell anymore, I try to be thankful of that when I think of my mother.
She would want you to try to be strong for your family and think of the lovely times you had together and things she said that made you laugh
Maybe also try some counselling if you feel that may help. X

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