At just after 5.30 pm I watched you take your last breath and slip peacefully away from me. You had faith and believed that you were moving on to better things so you went gentle into that good night. I held it together for family and friends but went out in the night and beat a tree with a branch until I was an exhausted and snotty mess.
So much has happened in the last 10 years.
You are a granddad and step granddad to 2 boys
Your wonderful sons are flourishing and visit your sister in the nursing home regularly; she is still going strong!
I passed my driving test, did 26 miles between MOTs and then gave it up. I can still hear you in my head saying "you can criticize my driving when you've passed your test"
Your two best friends have also died; both were even worse diabetics than you which is saying something.
I traveled to those "dangerous" places with work that you had vetoed including Kurdistan and sub Saharan Africa and had a marvelous last 18 months before retiring
The centre of your home town has finally been redeveloped. It's very swish.
After 18 years in our old house I moved to the nearest large town to be close to a social scene. I love the energy and diversity of the place.
I haven't been back to Porto since I scattered some of your ashes there 9 years ago. I will return when I am dog free. I did knock Iceland, Dubrovnik and Barbados off my bucket list though.
Our two old girls went to the Rainbow Bridge so I adopted 3 old boy sighthounds. They have such gentle energy.
When you died I lost not only you but also the future we had planned together. I have carved out a new enjoyable life for myself but I still miss you. Grief comes in waves. I can be fine for months and then something will trigger a memory and I shed a tear.
I don't remember you through rose coloured glasses; you could be a difficult and bad tempered man at times. The children and I agree that you could be an old bugger but you were our old bugger.
I have no faith but I do believe that no-one really dies until they are no longer remembered. Your grandsons will hear your stories and your memory will live on for a while longer. RIP Big man.
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Bereavement
10 years tonight.
fourquenelles · 31/12/2019 08:54
I just wanted you to know that I have read every word you wrote. So much love to you 
I’m so sorry for you loss, but you’ve written so beautifully. I hope today is peaceful for you
Your beautifully written post has brought me to tears. A much needed reminder of all that is important in a sea of shallow wants, particularly on this forum. Wow.
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Beautifully written and brought a tear to my eye. Sending you love 
Beautiful words written for your love OP. Loss is so very hard. X
It’s my dad’s anniversary too. Eighteen years.
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