Ex husband is dying - help me help the kids

[Bravenewyear]

My ex and I have been divorced for 4 years. We have always been amicable and co parent well. We have DD 11 and DS 15.
He has been battling cancer for 9 months and it has spread to his brain. He has been given 4 months at most.
How on earth will they get through this? My DD has some additional needs and already suffers crippling anxiety. I haven’t told them yet. I can’t bear too. I’ve never told him he would get better but neither have told them he won’t.
I’m struggling so much and my heart is breaking for them.

[notapizzaeater]

My DH has terminal cancer and we have a now 17 yr old with ASD - we got loads of info from the local hospice, Macmillan and winstons wishes and we sat him down and told him straight, no fluffy ness Nd made sure he knew he could ask us anything whenever he needed to. ((Hugs))

[TheMadGardener]

You have to tell them. The longer you leave it, the bigger shock it will be for them.
We were very open with our DDs. My DH died from cancer in May, nearly 2 and a half years after being diagnosed. Because he'd been having treatment for so long, living with the fact of cancer became something that was normal for us. They were 14 and 12 when he died and they could see he was very obviously getting weaker, they're not stupid.
Their school has been very good with counselling. We've also been in contact with Winston's Wish and a local group for bereaved children which the hospice carers told us about. There are lots of helpful books etc out there too.

[MarieG10]

Would he be amenable to you seeing the McMillan nurse with him to discuss and take advice on how best to approach it with the children.
I would agree about not hiding it from them

[loubieloo4]

We did the same as notapizzaeater . We told them straight, everything we have been told has been repeated word for word. They need to be able to trust you and can talk to you, my children 20, 18 & 14 have been amazing. I actually asked them just before Christmas if they feel like it was the right thing to do or would they prefer less detail, all of them said they are great full for having the truth.

Sorry you too are going through this