On Monday I should be celebrating a 5th birthday of my child that never was. The thing is, because I had an ectopic I have been constantly told that it was not a baby, before a baby was properly formed etc. etc. Get over it for God's sake!
If they were trying to help it didn't work and now, even though I have two gorgeous children since I still feel a hole inside, a missing part where he (and I know my baby was a he) should be. I know I should pull myself together, but I never properly mourned, wasn't allowed to as DH kept saying no one was asking him how he felt. I had to placate him. I hate him for that now.
This is adding to a sense of sadness I feel every day. I wish I had been offered counselling but even in the hospital I was made to feel silly for crying (by the ward sister, Glasgow Royal Infirmary thank you very much.) I ache for my little boy even though I have other children to cuddle.
God I can be so stupid sometimes.
Feeling sorry for myself as usual, will finish now.
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Bereavement
When does it stop hurting?
24 replies
FeelingBlue · 12/09/2004 01:46
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