Aunt died very delayed funeral advice please

[herewegoagain18]

Hi there,

Not sure if this is the right place to post but looking for some feedback or advice.

My Auntie passed away suddenly at only 53 beginning of December last year. This came as a big shock espically as I did not know straight away she was in hospital and then later found out she was in intensive care.

The reason I did not know was because of difficult family relationships and her son (my cousin). Very Long backstory.

due to abuse and previously attacking and causing gbh (grievous bodily harm) to a family member we do not have contact . He lived with my aunt so we could also not have contact with her by visiting or even by phone. He would steal and sell any mobile phones brought and she could not have a home phone as would just end up with a huge bill and in debt. He would drive anyone outside away due to his aggressive and unpredictable behaviour.

I have had counselling in the past due to him as aside from the abuse to various family members (mentally and physically) I was abused by him when I was early teens.
he has repeatedly come to where we live despite him knowing he is not welcome. Police have been called or notified many times though cannot do very much .

I am ashamed to say I did not visit my aunt in hospital initially through fear of having to see him. I was not aware of how serious the situation was until a week later, I had not known if my auntie was already home . I got up to see her as soon as I could .

Meanwhile things had taken a bad turn and I see her the night before she passed. The machines were being turned off as we were told there was nothing more that could be done. I had planned to go up again first thing in the morning but got the call early hours of the morning to say she had passed away.

I called my employer later that morning to notify them what had happened. I was off that day but due to work the next day and explained I would not be fit to work the next day as too upset ,was just about holding it together on the phone.

They said they would see what they could do regarding cover. They later let me know they had managed to cover my shift. I expressed my thanks.

The following day I didn't feel ready to return in a days time and they basically told me I couldn't have the time off as they needed me in and I couldn't keep taking time off (had had a bad couple of bouts of illness recent to that)

I returned to work the following day and burst into tears just after visiting my first client. I really struggled through the remainder of the week and was not sleeping and eating . The anxiety also of him was affecting me.

I went to the doctors the following week as was finding it all very hard to cope and was signed off of work for a bit over two weeks.
Work were not happy about this and more or less said I had let them down espically with Christmas coming up.

I spent the time off not feeling I could grieve for my aunt as the anxiety of my cousin and the situation was getting to me and on top of that feeling guilty and crappy (to put it politely ) for being off work.

Shortly after I returned to work they had me go to a meeting regarding time off sick to ensure I had not taken the time off just so I had the Christmas period off and it was down to grief. This upset me deeply and I still have a bittertaste regarding it. But thought for sake of my job to put it aside. To this day they have not even said they are sorry for my loss or expressed any condolences.

Now my Aunties Funeral has finally been arranged (very very delayed due to difficult circumstances ). I have to let my work (who did not know I had not even had the funeral yet) it has now been arranged for in a little under two weeks.

I feel sick with anxiety as I know we will have to see my cousin and he has already expressed to another family member he plans to try to talk to me and build a relationship again. I know any communication he will use as an opening to come to our home.

This is aside from the fact it's going to be such a distressing day after the circumstances of my aunt and length of time .

I am due to work just the morning the day following the funeral, the day of would be a normal full day (rota not set yet) . I honestly don't feel I will be up to work following the day of funeral . I know anxiety will be through the roof and will effect my ibs .

In light of how they handled my Aunt passing I'm wondering how to word that I would need the day of funeral off and following so two days ?

Sorry for the very long post any advice greatly received
Xx

[notapizzaeater]

Sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately there is no right to time off for bereavement - could you use holidays ?

[herewegoagain18]

Hi notapizzaeater
Thankyou for your reply . I am more than willing to use holiday. We do need to give 4 weeks notice usally for holiday .

It's how they will receive the news I am worried about. Its also half term so no doubt that will be mentioned as majority of the staff have children.

Thankyou for your condolences.
Xx

[Letseatgrandma]

We are only allowed one day off for funerals, otherwise it’s expected that we ‘pull ourself together’ and are back ready for work the next day. Often, it’s probably better to be back at work as it provides something else to think about.

If it’s a husband/wife/child who has died, we can apply for compassionate leave.

Sorry for your loss-it’s always difficult at times like this :(