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Bereavement

A year coming up for my dads passing, feel sad

10 replies

Lostmum72 · 22/12/2017 22:24

My mum died of cancer 17 years ago but when my dad died of the same disease nearly a year ago, it brought it all back and now I have my first Christmas without either parent, my sister 100 miles away, spending it with my dps family. It’s going to feel strange. On the 29th we’re going round the mil house, that’s the anniversary of my dads passing and I’m with my dps brother who for some reason is funny with me, I have no idea why but he makes me feel uncomfortable 😣. Not sure how I’m going to get through that day. Any suggestions?

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hevonbu · 23/12/2017 07:49

You have to make it clear to the brothers that it's not OK to pull a joke on the anniversary of your dad's passing away, and that it's making you uncomfortable.

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2cats2many · 23/12/2017 07:56

Is it possible for you to not go to your DPs brothers house and instead take some time for yourself?

The anniversary of my dads death is coming up in the Spring and im planning on going away by myself for the night. I just want to be myself and not have to worry about anyone else's feelings except for my own.

Keeping up appearances is exhausting.

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Hotpinkangel19 · 23/12/2017 07:59

I lost both my parents over the summer, so this Christmas is going to be especially hard for me ☹️ OP, be kind to yourself, it's a difficult time x

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Lostmum72 · 23/12/2017 12:23

It is strange how grief makes us feel, I didn’t really know how I would feel, whether I’d want a quiet day on my own or just with my children or whether I’d want to be surrounded by people. Mil invited us a while ago now and couldn’t really say no but as it’s looming I am starting to feel a bit stressed by it. I think when you no longer have your family around you and the day you would normally spend with your dad, your spending with your partners family and when there’s one in particular that seems to have a problem with you, it feels horrid. Do I just have to grin and bear it for a few hours, and then do my own thing x

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Lostmum72 · 23/12/2017 17:26

Would it rude not to go to my mil buffet? I remember when he was dying, one of his family had a residential birthday trip, I didn’t want to go as I didn’t really know the people anyway and I decided I wanted to spend it with my dad as I knew he hadn’t got long left, but I don’t think anyone really understood but I did it anyway.

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1234hello · 23/12/2017 18:09

I don’t think it would be rude. How good would your dp be about explaining things or would you explain yourself?

Just say it’s too difficult for you/you won’t be great company and you need some time and space to reflect. Surely any decent human being would respect that?

Sorry for your sad loss

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mullmepopcorn · 23/12/2017 19:56

Don't go, tell DP you just can't face seeing anyone and you're staying home.

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Lostmum72 · 27/12/2017 23:36

As the 29th looms I don’t want to go, dp is discussing games to play. My sister has fallen out with me, I have no family now apart from my dcs . I feel awful

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ineedaholidaynow · 29/12/2017 20:45

How did today go OP?

My DF died a couple of months ago. I have not been very sociable and DH is aware that I might have to change plans if I do not feel up to meeting family/friends etc. I hope they would understand any change of plans at short notice

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Lostmum72 · 31/12/2017 11:29

Aww thank u for asking, gosh it’s really early days for u, take your time with everything bless you.

I did go along in the end it was ok, I didn’t stay for long though I had a really bad headache. I did some reflection and had some time to myself. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year!