What now?

(7 Posts)
Twiga Mon 19-Jul-04 12:54:38

Hope this isn't too long but I just needed to get some of this down. I started miscarrying a week ago at around 6weeks, and although the bleeding has now stopped and physically I feel back to normal, I just feel so emotionally muddled. My miscarriage was difficult in that I was away from home and my nusband at the time - staying with friend who got married on saturday, was one of her bridesmaids. My mum lives near my friend so I stayed with her a few days, and was seen by her GP. I was referred across to the local early pregnancy unit, who did a scan to check what was going on and who confirmed I had miscarried - the sonographer was brilliant, very kind and supportive. Having the wedding at the end of the week gave me something positive to aim for and was a distraction.

Am back home as of yesterday and am signed off work for the week - i'm a residential based social worker and had told work about the pregnancy as the clients I work with can sometimes be physically agressive and i didn't want to take any risks. Two of my close friends here who we'd told about the pregnacy are away on holiday just now and my husband is a Dr and working long shifts this week. This was my first pregnancy and really not how I'd imagined things going. We really want a family, don't know wether to keep trying or wait a while or what. i'm not looking fwd to going back to work as I don't know what reactions to expect. Friends will be wanting to know about how the last week has gone with the wedding etc - want to be able to mention the miscarriage too as it's not been the easiest of weeks even with all the joy of my friends wedding. It's just difficult, I'd only known I was expecting for just over a week before the miscarriage happened and I lost the baby so early - i don't want people to think I'm over-reacting.

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mrsflowerpot Mon 19-Jul-04 13:06:48

I'm so sorry you are having such an unhappy time Twiga. How difficult it must have been to deal with all that away from home and then be there for your friend too - what a lovely friend you are.

Look after yourself well this week - if you need to let off steam or chat then MN is a great place to be, you'll get lots of support and nobody will think you are over-reacting.

Azure Mon 19-Jul-04 14:06:03

Twiga, sorry to hear your news, especially at what was such a happy time for your friend. Anyone who has had a miscarriage (myself included) will know you're not over-reacting. I can understand hesitating before telling your friends all about the last week (I told few people at the time because I didn't want to keep bursting into tears), but I'm sure they would be sympathetic and would want to give their support. For work, can someone else be responsible for passing on the news, so you don't have to keep on repeating yourself? Miscarriage is far too common and is no indication in itself of any difficulty in conceiving another time. Look after yourself this week.

hana Mon 19-Jul-04 15:08:08

Twiga, sorry that you've had a m/c. It doesn't really mattter at what point in the pregnancy you m/c - you still lose all that love and excitement and hope. I would certainly tell your friends - I think for a lot of people m/c is a bit of a taboo subject. I've never shyed away from telling people when I've had my m/cs although with the first not as many people knew as that's what I thought I 'should' do. If you still want a family, I'd try as soon as you are ready - the general concensus is to wait one cycle (for dating purposes) and then start again. Of course you have to wait as long as you and your husband need to.
Hope you're pregnant again very soon.
There are lots of supportive people here who've had the same experiences, lots that are pregnant again (me included) that are here when you need someone. Lots of luck with ttc when you are ready....

Mirage Tue 20-Jul-04 21:25:46

Twiga,I am sorry to hear of your m/c.

You are not overreacting.After I lost a baby,I remember reading something that said.'When you lose a parent,you lose the past-when you lose a baby,you lose the future'.It's very true.

You sound a very strong person & a good friend.Be kind to yourself.It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks,what you & your dh think is the only important thing.

sportyspice Tue 20-Jul-04 21:44:24

Twiga - my heart really does go out to you and 'no' you're not over-reacting you have a right to feel whatever you feel. I myself have not had a miscarriage but i did have several 'threatened miscarriages' with my first and i know how emotionally wrenching they were each time i thought i'd lost her and it was equally as upsetting at 14 weeks as when it was at 6 weeks. You just think and feel what you need to at the moment and i hope you have lots of friends and family for support at this difficult time. Hugs

Twiga Wed 21-Jul-04 10:27:14

Thanks for your kind messages . I had a much better day yesterday, dh managed to take the day off which was great as we really needed to just spend some time together and chat. It's been hard to know exactly how dh has been feeling about things, he's been feeling sad too but it seems to be different for him as a bloke. I cancelled my first ante-natal appointment, it was meant to be friday and would have been when I got my scan dates etc, which was hard as it felt like letting go of the last solid link with the baby. On a work front I spoke to my boss and she's up-dated people at our staff meeting which hopefully means I'll not have to go over to many details with them when I go back. I'm trying to take each day as it comes, sometimes I feel ok and others I just feel down.

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