Wills, clauses...feeling a bit tainted.

[MrsClegane]

My Nan died a couple of months ago and her will has just been sorted. In it she left all grandchildren £5000. (fair enough....it's a nice amount...especially for the younger ones who have no responsibilities yet) There were added notes that stated what she wishes we would spend it on.... house deposit, learning to drive, etc.... Mine was that I put half of it aside to pay for my children to be able to go on their school trips in the next few years.

I know I shouldnt....but I feel like utter shit now.... My children have never wanted for anything. I gave up work to raise them so we have struggled with money in the past, but they always had clean nice clothes, they always have shoes that fit, they always went on school trips, we go on holidays in the uk as we cant afford abroad, but the kids love them, we've been all over, seen all sorts. I've also started work now (she knew this as we spoke about it just before she passed) so we're doing better than we have done for ages.

But I just feel like she must have thought they were missing out on things, that I somehow couldn't provide for them.

It isn't about the money; if she had just written that I give them a share then fair enough....but it's the adding "for school trips" like we cant afford for them to go.

We are NOT the type to go on a shopping spree or spend money on silly things and the kids also have quite a few thousand in savings accounts already ....so it cant be that she's trying to ensure we save it rather than waste it.

I loved my nan, I still love her.... but how can one little sentence make me feel so bad, like its tainted everything...that I cant provide for my children. :(

(i'm probably reading too much into it....but I dont know....needed to get this all off my chest )

[WildRosesGrow]

Perhaps your Nan herself struggled to pay for her children's school trips, so when making her will enjoyed thinking that she was sparing you that worry? I'm sure she knew that you made sure they never went without, and she would hate to have inadvertently made you feel bad.

[Nemesia]

Could it be that your Nan had written her will before your children even started school?

[MrsClegane]

She knew she was dying so redid her will and everything in the final few weeks.

I know she won't have done it to intentionally make me feel bad.... and now I feel more guilty that I am tainting it all by overthinking things. :(

[MarchionessOfMayhem]

Maybe she meant for school trips abroad rather than local ones? Things like skiing or French exchange? Maybe it was her way of trying to ensure they had an opportunity to do things like that?

[plantsitter]

Do your other relatives have kids?

I think she was probably just trying to feel closer to you all by specifying what the money should be spent on. Perhaps she just wanted your kids to think of her when they went on school trips.

sorry for your loss.

[BenLui]

I think you are thinking about this the wrong way. She stipulated school trips to take some of the pressure off your finances, so that you would have more wiggle room in your budget and not have to worry if the school trip abroad costs £100.

I’m sure she didn’t think you can’t provide for your children, she just wanted to help.

She may also have thought that it would be nice in future years to link her memory to fun things that the children got to do. She isn’t any longer here but she can still treat her great grandchildren to the theatre, a trip to the zoo or the museum.

Flip this round, there’s lots of positive in this.

[Ragwort]

Totally agree with Ben - you are seriously over thinking this, it is a lovely gesture that your Grandmother has made ................ it wouldn't have dawned on me to think about it the way you are thinking .

I know my parents have arranged substantial gifts for my DS for his 'education' - it doesn't mean that they think we can't afford it, just some extra help towards expenses and not wasting it on holidays or whatever .

Please don't over think this and let it taint your happy memories.

[MancLife]

Just don't accept the money then.

[cremedelashite]

Aw I obviously don't know her intentions but it seems like it's a way to keep living on in you and the kids memories. A nice thing to do for you, to remember her by regularly, not because she thought you were skint. She sounds like she loved you very much.

[Isadora2007]

I think you could look at it in a different way- like others have suggested.
Is it a legal requirement anyway or just £5000 to spend as you want? If so, and you know your kids don't do without school trips, then book a holiday or do something different with it...

[MrsClegane]

Thanks everyone. I slept on it and realise how silly I was being yesterday. (i blame the bug after bug going around our house depriving me of sleep lol)

And Maybe it was just the whole....Everything is final!!!! I missed the funeral as I had a prior holiday booked so haven't really had a chance to say goodbye.

Anyway I was being stupid and thinking of it all wrong... it makes sense that she would want it to be used to remember her while having a good time.

I don't think it is set in stone that that is what HAS TO HAPPEN.... so I think we may spend some on a memorial sort of thing. Something like a tree in the garden to remember her forever, and a bench/seat to sit near it. Maybe a fruit one to remember her fruit crumble we all loved. And a few days out as a family... maybe to some of the places she spoke about over the years, or took me to when I was a child.

[jimijack]

My nana didn't have 2 pennies to rub together when her kids were school age, they had to be off for the day. They missed everything, it was either miss out food or 50p for the gas meter, as bad as that.
She would, I know, have been chuffed to the heavens to be able to ensure, financially that another generation would not miss out on what most take for granted.

I would have been happy and felt privileged to have put her hard earned money to a worthwhile use, in her honour and in her memory. I would tell my kids too, at each trip that it's nanas treat, so they don't forget her.

Think again, put a sensible and kind slant to it.

[cremedelashite]

That's a lovely idea.

[MrsClegane]

She was particular about what she wanted to happen to her body...she's been cremated where her 2nd husband was cremated, and then she wanted her ashes buried with her first husband.

we're still up in the air about when the burying ashes is going to happen but we're going to go and witness that happen and say goodbye then.

Its been quite difficult... she is the first family member I have lost since I was 11 so the whole emotions has surprised me!!

[BenLui]

I’m glad you are feeling better MrsC.

[Vic98765]

Hi,

I think you were overthinking the money.

If you spend nan's cash on school trips, you'll be able to use what would have gone on trips from your own savings to treat yourself instead.

A memorial would be nice too.

[sandgrown]

OP this made me cry . I have grandchildren who I love to spoil and I guess your Nan saw a way she could keep on treating them after she was gone. I think it was a lovely thought and no reflection on you .