Messages. Anyone?

[bangingmyheadoffabrickwall]

My friend has very recently died. People talk about messages they get from their loved ones as signs. I wasn't getting anything whereas others were. I felt left out and started to question how much she cared about me, even though a mutual friend told me that she did and now 'she' had been given the task to 'look out for me'.

I felt guilty as it is because I didn't get the chance to tell her how much I cared and loved her and that I miss her. I miss her words of wisdom - yeah, even her stubbornness!

But just now I was listening to some music when up popped my voicemail message. I clicked into it - and there was nothing. My child's toy walkie talkie started to make noise randomly a couple of hours ago. That I didn't think much of until I received the voicemail. Now I am beginning to wonder.

Are signs just a silly way of minds playing tricks when grief is raw? I always sit on the fence with these sort of things as it is but the voicemail message, though nothing there, has got me thinking.

[Abra1d]

I never received any messages from a vey close friend who died recently. But I think we had shown one another how much we cared before she died and there was nothing more we needed to say. I knew she loved me and I loved her. I miss her terribly but I think love is like a vibration and you keep on experiencing it after death in a completely non-supernatural way.

[opheliacat]

I do not for a moment think there are signs. There is just a huge space and we desperately try to fill it to stop it being so raw and hurting so.

[bangingmyheadoffabrickwall]

I think I am desperate for a message from her. Anything as long as she gives me some comfort.

I have no experience with grief. I find it physically painful at times. My mum knew it would hit me hard. I didn't. I really didn't. My head is a mess with confusion, anger, sorrow ...

[Abra1d]

It's horrible. I felt so lousy I signed up to do a half marathon for the hospice where my friend died, on the basis that feeling physically sore would be a kind of relief from feeling that awful empty sadness and anger at the wasted years.

I know how you feel.

[BuzzKillington]

I think you're right in that your mind will play tricks on you - it's hard to accept someone simply ceases to exist and there is nothing more.

If thinking random things are signs and it gives you comfort, just go with that idea.

[bangingmyheadoffabrickwall]

Thank you Buzzkillington today a butterfly visited. Not a random fly by. It flew by the window of my French doors several times, rested on the pane outside before flying round the garden frantically and around us - me and my little daughter. She was in total awe! It was surreal.

A couple of hours later it came back. I was sitting by the window in my garden room when 'she' came back. She flew so close back and forth and disappeared into the trees.

Plus I keep getting these 'new voicemail messages' but there isn't anything there! Nothing!